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AIBU?

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Original poster

To casually mention to my neighbour about his coughing

242 replies

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:33

A new neighbour has recently moved into the flat below me. He's about 35. I've noticed that he literally coughs every few mins and unfortunately I can hear it. I was hoping it would be a cold or flu thing he has and that it would eventually stop but it's been like this for a couple weeks.
I will be reading quietly in my bedroom and all of a sudden get startled by his coughing. I'm finding it really triggering and it's irritating me .
It's a really awkward one as coughing is involuntary but that doesn't make it any less annoying for me.
I can't move as I have another year left on my lease. I've bought noise cancelling ear plugs from Amazon.
Would it be really bad if next time I get talking to him ,I asked if he is ok, as I notice he has been coughing quite a lot? Hoping that this will maybe make him try and be a bit quieter or something.
Or do I just learn to live with this.

OP posts:
Krampussy · 24/12/2023 22:27

Krampussy · 24/12/2023 22:26

I'm autistic and a tic I have had my whole life is throat clearing. It's not uncommon in people with autism.

I probably do it about 30 times a day.

p.s it's really awful when people draw attention to things you're already self conscious about.

VladimirVsVolodymyr · 24/12/2023 22:26

happyinherts · 24/12/2023 21:45

I had a cough for 3 months last winter. It was dreadful at night. My neighbour mentioned it, and I was so, so upset. Incredibly rude.

What did they expect you to do? Some people are beyond ridiculous. Glad you are better.

Krampussy · 24/12/2023 22:26

I'm autistic and a tic I have had my whole life is throat clearing. It's not uncommon in people with autism.

I probably do it about 30 times a day.

ExTheCheater · 24/12/2023 22:25

My friend coughs all the time as she has lung disease. She can't stop it.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 22:25

I can never decide which bit I like the most. The coughing until I vomit, the fear of not being able to breathe, or the involuntary death rattle noise I make? Tricky. It is as OP says somewhat 'offputting'.
I appreciate that none of those noises are pleasant to hear. I can assure you that the experience is a lot worse.

VladimirVsVolodymyr · 24/12/2023 22:25

@Coughing79 I had a cough from September last year until March of this year. It was horrendous, my ribs were sore and my migraines were triggered from coughing. It was miserable, I was unable to sleep at night and even my neighbour (we're friends) was bringing me remedies as conventional medicine did not work. I had investigations under respiratory consultant because regular inhalers did not work. Ended up being diagnosed as asthmatic. I'm not sure what your neighbors is gaining from coughing and in their case I don't know what you want me to do. Not like I'm coughing for jollies. Please spare a thought for your neighbor.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:23

@AnotherAdventFridge I'm triggered simply because it's a horrible nasty sound , well his cough is, I'm not saying all coughs are like that

OP posts:
Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:23

Fyi I've lived here for almost 3 years and never had a problem with the noise of neighbors, I also lived in a semi detached house and was fine with neighbour's noise. There's something about his coughing that is very grating on me

OP posts:
AnotherAdventFridge · 24/12/2023 22:22

What emotions does it trigger?

Were you sexually abused by someone who coughed a lot?
Did you have a grandparent die of lung cancer?

Terfosaurus · 24/12/2023 22:21

My son coughs all the time. He always has. It's annoying. More than annoying really. But he can't help it. It's some kind of vocal tic/ anxiety thing. He'd be so upset if a neighbour mentioned it and it would probably make it worse.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:20

Ok well I'm not going to say anything to him then and just pray that it stops. I wasn't planning to ask him to stop coughing, I was just going to bring it up in casual conversation and ask if he was ok as I've noticed him coughing

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 24/12/2023 22:19

Yabu. As annoying as it is and it would annoy me, I am not really sure what you are expecting him to do about it.

ChateauDuMont · 24/12/2023 22:16

Maybe he doesn't have a cough at all but is covering up his farting which would be far worse a thing to hear

m.youtube.com/watch?v=LBx4Kak9TDc&pp=ygUNQ291Z2hpbmcgc29uZw%3D%3D

scoutingfor · 24/12/2023 22:16

When did they start calling it the 100 day cough? I had to look it up, it's whooping cough!

Neitheronethingnortheother · 24/12/2023 22:15

Happyhappyday · 24/12/2023 22:08

Seriously? I have a chronic cough due to post nasal drip. Bugger all I can do about it and I pee myself every time I do cough so if I could do something, you better believe I would. I’d think you were extremely obnoxious and selfish if you complained about it to me. Don’t say anything, it’s probably miserable for him too. Im
already really self conscious about it, more so after COVID.

I really rate contrelle active guard bladder support if you haven't tried them for weeing when coughing

Unfortunately chronic coughing wrecks your pelvic floor but I find these really helpful when my coughing is bad

colourfulchinadolls · 24/12/2023 22:14

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:02

@colourfulchinadolls I think I would rather he played loud music, as the coughing sound is very off-putting and unpleasant to listen to.
Also at least if he was playing loud music, then I could complain about it

Well I don't know what to say then, you sound just delightful. He's not coughing for fun, and as I said if you need to do a big cough you can't stop it.

Maybe be glad it's not you coughing every few minutes?

Seriously if you're this intolerant maybe living in a flat isn't a good idea, have you considered a tent in a remote part of the countryside? You might get some peace, although maybe the sound of your tent flapping in the wind would be too triggering 😂

scoutingfor · 24/12/2023 22:14

What the fuck does it trigger?

Zanatdy · 24/12/2023 22:14

My colleague has been coughing for weeks, she said there’s a 100 day cough and she’s on day 65!

AhBiscuits · 24/12/2023 22:13

I've had an awful cough for 6 weeks, was sick this morning because I was coughing so hard. If someone told me to keep it down I think I would punch them in the throat. No one wants my cough to stop more than me.

x2boys · 24/12/2023 22:12

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:10

@Thepissinglady I didn't have an issue with the previous tenant that lived there and they made some noise as well but it wasn't incessant coughing

He probably didn't have a cough

justalittlesnoel · 24/12/2023 22:12

Merry cough Christmas to you too!

Unfortunately I think coughing would come under normal household noise, someone should feel totally able to do something normal like cough in their own home.

Perhaps some sort of sound insulation could be looked into if it's "triggering" you this much? You're pretty guaranteed to ruin the neighbourly relationship (or any hopes of one) with this sort of complaint.

SparklyMularky · 24/12/2023 22:12

It could be a really nasty "bug" and you'll be getting a new neighbour in a few months!

I can't stand hearing people cough. Makes me tense up as if I am coughing.

If you do speak to him then of course mention it, he could be putting off seeing a doctor or blocked it out so he doesn't hear it. But say it in that way rather than "stop being such an annoying cunt". To be fair, he's allowed to cough in his own house. You'll have to find a way round it.

Halloweenrainbow · 24/12/2023 22:11

Annoying, yes, but its just life living so close to other people. Dogs barking, doors slamming, windchimes all irritating in their own way. I have a neighbour who smokes outside and I have to listen to him hacking up phlegm hourly between 6pm until midnight. I just turn up the volume on the TV.

x2boys · 24/12/2023 22:11

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 22:08

@Winnading it's triggering because it's not a nice sound to have to listen to constantly, I would rather he played music or had the TV on and have to listen to that instead. It's also startling because it stops and starts a few minutes later. I'm allowed to be annoyed by it.

Yea ,lots of things neighbors do can be annoying but if he has a cough ,he has a cough he can't help.it ,you also might have some annoying habits that he hears

Atethehalloweenchocs · 24/12/2023 22:11

If you are that easily triggered you'd better save up for a detached dwelling so you dont have to be bothered by pesky neighbours. In real life, next time you get annoyed, give your head a wobble and feel sorry for your poor neighbour who is be exhausted, uncomfortable and feeling really ill to be coughing like this.