Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To casually mention to my neighbour about his coughing

242 replies

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:33

A new neighbour has recently moved into the flat below me. He's about 35. I've noticed that he literally coughs every few mins and unfortunately I can hear it. I was hoping it would be a cold or flu thing he has and that it would eventually stop but it's been like this for a couple weeks.
I will be reading quietly in my bedroom and all of a sudden get startled by his coughing. I'm finding it really triggering and it's irritating me .
It's a really awkward one as coughing is involuntary but that doesn't make it any less annoying for me.
I can't move as I have another year left on my lease. I've bought noise cancelling ear plugs from Amazon.
Would it be really bad if next time I get talking to him ,I asked if he is ok, as I notice he has been coughing quite a lot? Hoping that this will maybe make him try and be a bit quieter or something.
Or do I just learn to live with this.

OP posts:
brainworms · 24/12/2023 23:22
Biscuit
Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:21

@EdinGirl thank you! Yes I really hate it when people sneeze ridiculously loudly, my dad actually does that and it's sooo annoying

OP posts:
SheilaWilde · 24/12/2023 23:19

It's not triggering anything in you!

You're cross at someone coughing.
That's it.
No triggering.

EdinGirl · 24/12/2023 23:19

That would drive me INSANE.

And a lot of men cough loudly with zero care or effort to be quiet. My husband is one of them and I tell him I am going to smother him.

I would definitely mention it in a "concerned" way and hopefully he will be more aware/do something about it.

happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:19

Yes, you are rude, selfish, inconsiderate, defensive and OTT - you do need therapy. Or just move.

snowplacelikehome1 · 24/12/2023 23:19

One in 5 people suffer with misophonia in the UK apparently.

Gravelshoveling · 24/12/2023 23:18

Do you understand how coughing works, OP??
You can’t be “quieter”when coughing. It’s a reflex.

If it’s any consolation, I once had a very bad cold which left me with a bad cough for around 3 months, so hopefully his isn’t a chronic thing either.

You could ask about his cough but don’t expect him to tone it down, he cant and he can’t help it.
You'll just have to live with it for now.

Wear ear plugs or listen to music to help you sleep.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:18

@happyinherts it angers me because I don't want to hear his bodily functions constantly, it gives me the ick

OP posts:
happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:17

Yes, because you keep mention it 'triggers' you - it angers you. That is a real need for therapy. You need help.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:16

@happyinherts therapy for being irritated by incessant coughing? Yeah sure

OP posts:
ChateauDuMont · 24/12/2023 23:16

Could you buy him an aversion collar similar to the ones for dogs who bark so that every time he coughs he gets a vibration to his neck as it emits a high pitched whistle?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 23:16

No, words have meanings, that's why we have so many of them. And people misusing them minimises their impact. He provokes a reaction, he causes you to feel a certain way, he annoys you, he irritates you, etc.
He does NOT trigger you to a previously traumatic event from which you have PTSD. So yes, it is a big deal.

happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:14

OP, why don't you seek therapy?

Bornonsunday · 24/12/2023 23:14

YABU for using "triggered" to describe being annoyed.

Being triggered would be if it gave you flashbacks a past traumatic event. It's a specific psychological term that is directly linked to past trauma.

Being annoyed or angry isnt the same as being triggered at all.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:12

Ok so I didn't understand the exact definition of triggering. Big deal!
Technically speaking it is triggering a feeling and reaction in me

OP posts:
sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 23:11

Jesus Christ OP - he provokes a reaction in you. That is NOT triggering. Stop being such a drama llama.

happyinherts · 24/12/2023 23:11

When did people become so rude, selfish and entitled?

Mojolostforever · 24/12/2023 23:11

Sorry, thank you Kitty.

Bornonsunday · 24/12/2023 23:10

Yabu

Neitheronethingnortheother · 24/12/2023 23:10

If I have a really bad cough it triggers my DH because he remembers the time I had bacterial pneumonia, I was coughing up so much fluid I could barely get oxygen in, having asthma attacks but my inhaler wasn't controlling them and he had to rush me to hospital thinking I was going to die on the way because there were no ambulances available

that's being triggered by coughing, sudden sever anxiety that your wife is going to die because it came pretty damn close to happening

I'm trying to feel sorry for you being "triggered" to feel angry but its just not happening.

ReindeerShelter · 24/12/2023 23:09

You’re not triggered ffs 🤦‍♀️

Mojolostforever · 24/12/2023 23:09

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/12/2023 21:43

He does not cough for his own amusement.

Thank you Mr. Bennett.

Coyoacan · 24/12/2023 23:08

Soundproofly in British flats is appalling. I live in a flat in Mexico City and don't hear my neighbours unless someone is having a party. I have never heard coughing

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:08

Ok I think because it's a bodily function and it's a harsh sound, that's why I hate it

OP posts:
snowplacelikehome1 · 24/12/2023 23:07

I really sympathise with you OP.
Does he have a fire/ wood burning stove with a chimney that needs cleaning? Maybe the whole house needs a good clean. Not sure how you’d be able to talk to him about it though.
Hopefully you can find a way to handle it though otherwise you’ll go mad and he’ll end up with a hernia.