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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To casually mention to my neighbour about his coughing

242 replies

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 21:33

A new neighbour has recently moved into the flat below me. He's about 35. I've noticed that he literally coughs every few mins and unfortunately I can hear it. I was hoping it would be a cold or flu thing he has and that it would eventually stop but it's been like this for a couple weeks.
I will be reading quietly in my bedroom and all of a sudden get startled by his coughing. I'm finding it really triggering and it's irritating me .
It's a really awkward one as coughing is involuntary but that doesn't make it any less annoying for me.
I can't move as I have another year left on my lease. I've bought noise cancelling ear plugs from Amazon.
Would it be really bad if next time I get talking to him ,I asked if he is ok, as I notice he has been coughing quite a lot? Hoping that this will maybe make him try and be a bit quieter or something.
Or do I just learn to live with this.

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 24/12/2023 23:57

Seriously OP, he's coughing in the privacy of his own home, there is absolutely nothing you can do about that.

What you can help is your own reaction - we all know that sometimes we let something get under our skin and so every little thing about it annoys us. You need to do your hear to train yourself to ignore the coughing. Every time you find yourself getting irritated tell yourself "no, I'm going to ignore it and not let myself be annoyed" and then hopefully over time you'll stop noticing it as much.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 24/12/2023 23:46

But what if he is equally disgusted every time he hears you go to the loo? Have you considered how that makes him feel?

Erberts · 24/12/2023 23:44

If you knocked on my door about my cough, I would laugh in your face then slam the door in it.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:43

@OhwhyOY lip smacking drives me up the wall

OP posts:
Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:43

@snowplacelikehome1 I find that revolting as well and chewing sounds . I think I just hate bodily functions of other people , I'm fine with my son and anything he does

OP posts:
Damonalbarnsbigtoe · 24/12/2023 23:41

Gosh I hope the poor guy doesn’t have a serious health condition that is causing it and a very unsympathetic neighbour to boot! Of course you ABVU, have some thoughts for someone else’s suffering, I’m sure he’s really not enjoying it either!

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:41

The flat below was empty whilst my son was coughing, the new person hadn't moved in yet

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 24/12/2023 23:41

Triggering? Seriously? Have you previously been attacked but deranged coughing killer clowns?

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:40

However my son had a cough for 2 weeks recently and it didn't bother me

OP posts:
snowplacelikehome1 · 24/12/2023 23:40

Eating with mouths open seems to be the norm nowadays too. It used to be considered rude. It seems times have changed though and although I still find it revolting, I think I’m in the minority now 😔

OhwhyOY · 24/12/2023 23:39

@Coughing79 my friend has misophonia. She's the sweetest person but lip smacking/loud chewing genuinely makes her want to hit people. Therapy has helped but it's still hard for her.

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:38

I also hate loud exaggerated sneezing that my dad does

OP posts:
Neitheronethingnortheother · 24/12/2023 23:38

Allfur · 24/12/2023 23:32

I'm not sure being annoyed by the sounds of bodily functions means one can't have a relationship, that's a kinda mean thing to say

The OP is moaning about something that might be killing the man or at least might be a chronic condition that makes his life more miserable as evidenced by anecdotes from posters on this thread

But instead of acknowledging that she is still moaning about how horrible it sounds and how it makes her angry

But sure I'm the mean one for pointing out that she might need to yet used to "hearing bodily functions" if she wants to be in a relationship

If the mere sound of coughing is making her this angry then yes this is an issue she needs to sort out if she plans on living in near proximity to someone. This is not a normal or proportionate reaction

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:38

My mum does this annoying sound with her mouth sometimes that makes me want to rage inside when I hear it

OP posts:
Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:36

I just looked up Misophnia, I had never heard of it before but it could certainly explain my strong annoyance at his coughing

OP posts:
Allfur · 24/12/2023 23:33

I agree op, it would drive me nuts

OhwhyOY · 24/12/2023 23:33

Sounds like misophonia. YABU. But it doesn't mean you aren't suffering. Sorry for you and your neighbour.

Desecratedcoconut · 24/12/2023 23:33

Jesus, how precious are you? 🙄

Allfur · 24/12/2023 23:32

I'm not sure being annoyed by the sounds of bodily functions means one can't have a relationship, that's a kinda mean thing to say

Original poster
Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:32

@Neitheronethingnortheother I'm fine if a partner has a cough, I just don't want to hear a stranger's cough constantly

OP posts:
PeloMom · 24/12/2023 23:29

Our whole family went one by one through a coughing bug that lasted 3-4 weeks each time. Maybe appear concerned but hopefully you have peace and quiet in the next week or two and he feels better

Neitheronethingnortheother · 24/12/2023 23:28

I presume you plan on staying single OP? If hearing a bodily function like coughing gives you the ick and makes you actually angry then I have no idea how you would cope living with someone else!

StaunchMomma · 24/12/2023 23:27

Coughing79 · 24/12/2023 23:18

@happyinherts it angers me because I don't want to hear his bodily functions constantly, it gives me the ick

Bodily function?!

It's a fucking COUGH! It's involuntary!

Horriblewoman · 24/12/2023 23:27

FFS.

I’ve had a cough for three weeks and there have been times when I’ve been awake for hours unable to sleep for coughing having taken all of the drugs that I’ve really hoped that my neighbour can’t hear me. But at the same time I would be mortified if they challenged me for it when I’ve got an illness that I’m trying to get rid of.

im not enjoying it, I’m not doing it for the thrill of winding them up! I’d just like to spend an hour being able to breathe properly.

StaunchMomma · 24/12/2023 23:23

Bloody hell, OP! Entitled much?!

He's ILL, ffs! This cough that's going around goes on for ages.

Mentioning it will just make you look like a self-centred arse, as it has done here.