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Original poster

Not going to in laws on Christmas

36 replies

avwy1996 · 23/12/2023 23:39

I probably am but just looking for the opinion of someone looking at the situation.

My DP and I always rotate between my parents and his at Christmas. Last year was mine and this year was supposed to be his. Bit of a back story, last year I had my DS the week before Christmas and the in laws came down in the morning and we went to my family. I ended up having a c-section so felt rubbish and shattered and we were home after a couple of hours.

This year my grandparents decided they would host. I spoke to DP asking if we could go as they hadn't hosted in years and they probably would only be hosting this one time. He was happy to go and let his family know and I suggested they come down in the morning and if do breakfast for everyone and spend some time.

Fast forward to this week. There is an issue with my grandparents house meaning they can't host so my parents are now having to. In laws aren't aware of this yet. They want us to go to their house before we go to my side which would only give us 2 hours from when my son wakes up to having to leave to get to theirs at a decent time. So we would realistically only have an hour tops to spend with our DS on his first proper Christmas. I've told DP I don't want to be running around mad going from A to B and not getting the time with DS. He feels stuck in the middle which is obviously hard but I just feel we should be having our own Christmas morning with our DS in his house and if anyone wants to join they are more than welcome.

Next year we will be at the in laws and my parents will pop onto us in the morning. Sorry for how long this is but I just am frustrated that no one really is thinking about our new family getting a nice Christmas morning

OP posts:
Original poster
avwy1996 · 23/12/2023 23:57

Yeah he's defo not the bad guy in this at all. He's just stuck and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings which isn't fair

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/12/2023 23:54

avwy1996 · 23/12/2023 23:48

That's how I feel right now. DP isn't "fighting" our little families corner and you can feel the tension. Do not have the energy for this back and fourth every year

TBF to him he agreed to your family two years in a row. So I think you need to work if out nicely, rather than think of him as the bad guy.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2023 23:51

Once you have children, I think you should spend Christmas morning in your own home. That's my opinion. Anyone interested can come to you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/12/2023 23:51

DS is 1 and won't remember this or even think it's particularly special. So he's a red herring.

I think it's that you don't want to go to his, he's being nice about going to yours. Why not do yours, at home, his, at home? So it's only once every 4 years.

Original poster
avwy1996 · 23/12/2023 23:48

That's how I feel right now. DP isn't "fighting" our little families corner and you can feel the tension. Do not have the energy for this back and fourth every year

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 23/12/2023 23:47

The crux of the issue is you really don’t want to go to his parents - imagine he felt the same about your side but he still goes along with it

suck it up buttercup!

Stringagal · 23/12/2023 23:45

I’m not kidding, nip this in the bud now. I have been stuck in the alternate years trap for way too long and I’m feeling very resentful. At the very least establish a “not leaving our house until noon” mantra.

Original poster
avwy1996 · 23/12/2023 23:45

shampooing · 23/12/2023 23:44

And how on earth do you already have next year planned? That is insane! Seriously tell people you’ll see how it goes or you’ll stay home with DC. Whatever but don’t agree to Christmas arrangements over a year in advance!

Isn't it! But that's how DP likes to work things

OP posts:
Original poster
avwy1996 · 23/12/2023 23:44

If it was up to me I'd be at my family every year 😂 so swapping it about was the compromise which I was happy to do. Just feels like his side have forgotten what it's like to have young kids!

OP posts:
shampooing · 23/12/2023 23:44

And how on earth do you already have next year planned? That is insane! Seriously tell people you’ll see how it goes or you’ll stay home with DC. Whatever but don’t agree to Christmas arrangements over a year in advance!

shampooing · 23/12/2023 23:42

So don’t go to anyone and spend time at home as a family?
It’s what we have done since having DC, but even before then we never got into a rota, we sometimes went on holidays at Christmas, or fancied a lazy Christmas Day as a couple.

Now is the time to make your own traditions that suit your set up.