Not going to in laws on Christmas

Yeah sometimes Mumsnet throws ancient curveballs at you! I was recommended one today from 2016. Not always feeling observant enough to notice.

Haha it just came up on my feed

@SouthernBelle2 Yes I am looking at you! Why? Just why do people do this? This thread is months old. How did you even find it much less decide it was a good idea to revive it.

To everyone else. IT IS A ZOMBIE

Family were always about 5 hours away when DC were young (or a flight away when my parents moved to Spain) so no way we could travel to them on Christmas Day. We tended to alternate between mine and DH's families but it was always a several days trip usually involving traveling up there before Christmas Eve and staying over.. Non negotiable that we would not be leaving the house at all on Christmas Day.

As the DC got older we started having more Chrismasses at home as they wanted to spend time with friends. Also did a few trips away too.

We always felt free to decide where we went based on what suited us. Family never put any pressure on us, they were just glad to see us when we had the time.

Now DC are in their 20s they still freely choose to spend Christmas Day at home. They both have long term partners, and DD lives with hers, but they decided as couples to spend Christmas Day with their own parents. No pressure from us and I have made clear I won't get upset no matter where they choose to spend the day.

Now you have a young family that you really need to decide what suits you at Christmas. I'm sure you see plenty of both families throughout the year.

I’m not saying this to be shitty because we alternate too, but I couldn’t imagine saying to my other half that we can’t take the baby to see his parents on Christmas Day, I think it’s quite unfair on them. Could they come to you for a hour or so to see the baby, I appreciate he’ll only be very young but so is mine and it means a lot to grandparents to see the little ones over the festive period.

No kids but started as we meant to go on, which is that we are a family unit. That was 30 years ago, seriously, stop chasing your tail. It's only one day!

Whilst previous posters are saying in laws missed a year, they really didn't if they saw you on Christmas day , and especially one week post section! Last year you saw both sets on the day itself.

Our rule is it's just us on Christmas day and I'm glad of the respite tbh, there are plenty of days around Christmas to catch up with family. I'd be inclined to say you're going nowhere and just staying home. I'll warn you given your DS will be one the week before Christmas you're going to be knackered anyway and both sides will have already seen you. Our December baby is still only little and we found by Christmas day she is overwhelmed with the volume of presents she has had to open and doesn't want to do it anymore, she just wants to chill out and play with what she already has! She's already been dragged around a load of family events and light walks and the like and was happiest in her pjs watching some Disney.

Zombie thread!

When you have kids, you spend Christmas morning in your own home if that's what you want. Make the decision now and stick to it. If they have anything to say, just state they've had their children, now it's your turn. You seem more than reasonable by saying they are welcome to come to yours if they'd like. Arguing anything above and beyond that, makes her totally unreasonable.

Honestly, unless the two of you really like this rota of going to the two sets of parents on alternate years, put a stop to it now. It can become a joyless obligation instead of a lovely happy day. In your case, it's already leading to "but we went to theirs last year" awkwardness.

I think, now if the time to change things around and have a frank and open conversation with both sets of parents and your husband. They may need reminding what it is like as they were new parents at some point too.

What do you and your husband want to do at Christmas? Decide and tell the parents. Its not unreasonable to want Christmas at home and for them to come to you now. Maybe have them over Boxing day or visit them Boxing day and Skype them Christmas morning so they can see their grandchild opening the presents.

I think it depends if your in-laws will be on their own at Christmas. My partner has one brother who lives away whereas I have lots of siblings. If my in-laws are on their own then we go to them with our 2 kids (they never expect this but really appreciate seeing family). If we go to my folks we still call in to see them before we go as they live 5 minutes away. If both sets of parents live close by then it is reasonable to try and fit them both in? Either that or host but then you have to cook! 😂🙈

All this chasing about is bonkers.
New rule - you will have Christmas morning at your own home. Anyone who wants to visit can.

No more taking turns . Just decide what suits your family near the time. You host some, PIL host some and your family host some. Do not try to be in more than one place on Christmas Day!
We have Christmas Day just us - it’s great!

If I had my way, I’d insist on staying home every year but that doesn’t quite work out in practice, various reasons. Therefore I have made one firm and fast rule I will not budge from, I will only visit one house / see one family unit a day over the Christmas period. I couldn’t be doing with the frick-arsing around rushing to and fro, rushing visits and being late to everything anyway. Takes all the fun out of it.
That being said, It would be fair, imo, for you to see your in laws this year. It’s not right to keep steaming ahead with only seeing your family, when your husband has the same attachment to his own.

Stay at your own house. Use your child as the excuse - go back to rotating when it’s a bit more suitable for your lives.

It's stuff like this which made me give up Christmas completely (and I'm not a Christian so can largely ignore the whole caboodle) My winters are so much better now, more relaxed and happy.

However with a small child, I would stay at home. Tell everyone now so they can get used to the idea. Give them an hour long window when they can call in, preferably bringing food for you. Don't host, your baby needs you more than the kitchen does. If necessary, issue lists if what to bring.

Going forward, never get trapped into the "my side this year, your side next year" routine. Mix it up, go somewhere hot and sunny one year, go to visit friends another year. That way nobody gets to demand what they think they are expecting.

Given your changed circumstances it is fine to start a new tradition. Especially given the adequate notice period you are giving!

My all time fav Christmases with my boys were when they were 2-6 years old. Totally magical! There’s no way I would waste time and energy travelling anywhere on Christmas Day.

Our family tradition is to chill at home. Family drop by mid morning and get snacks and drinks laid on. For me Christmas is all about my boys being happy and they prefer to stay home.

Yep introduce a new tradition!!

Something that will work well for you and the DC that is also fair.

You don’t want to go to in laws.thats fine. If you must rotate…
i’d introduce one year at your own home, one with yours family, one with his.

we do Christmas in our own house every year, we were clear if anyone wanted to join us they’d need to come to us.

You could even do a new tradition of everyone at yours on Christmas Eve for a party, or Boxing Day for a buffet. Pitch it as a new exciting idea so that you get more time with them rather than rushing around on Christmas Day itself.

I think you're being a bit unfair. His side has given up their "turn" and still want to see you. Did dh invite them to your house like the original plan? I think they're looking for compensation for postponing their turn as opposed to forgetting what it's like to have a young family.

I refuse to visit anyone on Christmas day. Now you have a baby it’s the perfect time to put your foot down and make a new routine for years going forward.
we see family on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, and have Christmas Day at home with just our household.

You don't have to go anywhere. Just stay at home on Xmas day and enjoy it as your own small family. Pop in to parents & In-laws on Boxing day or the day after.
So much stress and nonsense over Xmas

We are in the minority but we don’t do the alternate year thing. We just go to my family. Every year 😆 My husband’s parents are seperated and really make no effort at all and didn’t even when it was just him so I now don’t see why we should bend over backwards. The first year we had a baby his mum said they weren’t coming to us (almost an hour away) so we had to drive there. This was over 4 hours out the day by the time we drove there, spent time there and drove back. We then still had his dad to visit after this, then my grandparents and finally my family. We also had to fit in opening presents with our baby in the morning and breakfast. It was honestly one of my least favourite christmases! All we did was drive from one place to another. This year we didn’t make any plans and when my husband’s family hadn’t arranged anything a couple of weeks ago we just arranged to go to my parents. We have offered an open invite for breakfast throughout the morning for whoever wants to come but made it clear our son will be playing with his toys and we won’t be spending the day in the car. You’ve got to do what suits you/your kids at Christmas, not what will please other people. If family want to see your kids, they’ll go out of their way to see them