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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boob photo on dh's phone 🥹

117 replies

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 19:49

Been having marital problems for a while, but of weird sexual coercive type behaviour on dh's part.
Both been working hard on ourselves/relationship and DH is having therapy. In a generally good place but I am still very very nervous about sex and intimacy with him.

He was just showing me some videos of the kids on his phone, went back into his camera roll and I could see a photo of some boobs at the top... I quickly said "What's that!!?" And he quickly put on another video and I repeat "what was that, boobs?" And he said "don't be silly watch the video" he came out of it and I saw them again very quickly... By this point my heart is beating out of my chest .
First he denies it completely, then tries saying I'd seen something else. Then says it's probably something embarrassing like a screen shot of porn by accident. Then goes off in a huff.

I finishing cleaning the kitchen and I am fuming.

He's just come back and said "sorry, it was a screenshot of porn. I've deleted it now. I was embarrassed because I've felt so weird about porn and sex and masturbation etc lately"

I've told him to prove what it was because at the moment my head is going to the worst places and I do not believe him.
Also, the gaslighting has sent me bonus extra livid. I've just gone upstairs I can't stand to talk to him.

The photo was just of a chest and boobs and it seemed to have a green border.
Can anyone tell me, do screenshots save onto camera roll on an iPhone?

Also help with the general situation 🙃

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 22/12/2023 02:12

Sorry, but if it gets to this point, the marriage is dead as a doornail.

Firefly2009 · 22/12/2023 02:03

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:59

Surely 'the boob' is the main issue. It came from the title.

Not in my opinion.

The update reads that they have since argued more, he shouted in her face and pushed her.

I wouldn't care about porn. There's more trouble in this relationship and a boob picture isn't the core issue.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 22/12/2023 01:54

tachetastic · 22/12/2023 00:18

He's embarrassed. That's all.

It's easy to say "if it isn't anything bad why won't he speak to me about it", but he has been wanking over photos of another womans tits. He feels awkward about it and that doesn't mean he's a bad man.

I think most married men still browse even if they don't finger the goods.

Edited

"Finger the goods"???? What a horribly crass way of wording it.

QueenBitch666 · 22/12/2023 01:29

I would have personally dumped him for the porn 🤮

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:59

Surely 'the boob' is the main issue. It came from the title.

Firefly2009 · 22/12/2023 00:50

The boob picture isn't the main issue, wherever it came from.

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:34

Very good you'd see the other side but porn in a relationship....feels wrong from the get-go

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:32

It was me!

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:26

Hmm, yes. I've seen it first hand but not experienced it.
Please leave if you can. It can only end in sadness

tachetastic · 22/12/2023 00:24

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:20

Would that work the other way around?
I'm guessing no.

Not sure who that was in response to. If it was to me, then yes it would 100% hold the other way around.

tachetastic · 22/12/2023 00:22

When I posted my last message I hadn't seen that he had pushed and shouted at OP.

Hate to say it, but delete and move on.

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:20

Would that work the other way around?
I'm guessing no.

tachetastic · 22/12/2023 00:18

He's embarrassed. That's all.

It's easy to say "if it isn't anything bad why won't he speak to me about it", but he has been wanking over photos of another womans tits. He feels awkward about it and that doesn't mean he's a bad man.

I think most married men still browse even if they don't finger the goods.

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 00:18

Does it really matter where the boobs come from?

He had them saved on the phone and that in itself is enough of an insult to you to scrape him off your shoe and get rid of him.

PrincessLyrie · 22/12/2023 00:14

This is about as abnormal relationships get.
Don't pander to him. No pics EVER until 3yrs in or whatever trust you both declare.

Loubelle70 · 22/12/2023 00:14

TurningtheLightOff · 21/12/2023 21:08

OP, is he worth this hassle?

I don’t know, lately I’ve been wondering why we women put ourselves through this bullshit. What are we actually gaining other than a boatload of heartache? He’s shown who he is (and who someone else is, apparently). Believe him.

You deserve better.

This

Firefly2009 · 22/12/2023 00:09

So he just shouted in your face and pushed you.

Why is it that every AIBU relationship thread about one event, nearly always turns out to be a drip feed about a much bigger problem.

This isn't about nudes really is it? What else has your husband done?

Zippedydoodahday · 22/12/2023 00:03

Don't let your kids grow up thinking it is acceptable to scream in people's faces and push them around. They might not be aware of it yet, but in time they will be. Kick him to the kerb.

PrincessLyrie · 21/12/2023 23:59

Green borders are created. Either by the publisher or him.
If you can, ask him.

MistletoeandJd · 21/12/2023 23:55

I dint want to be the one.... but border could have been from new disappearing photo type situations ? You gotta ss fast I don't see the use of ss porn =/.

He has acted violenty tonight and you need to now move on and go into the new year with a fresh page for yourself !

Beentheredonethat123 · 21/12/2023 23:43

Sorry OP but that's 100% gaslighting.
He's messing around with someone either online or IRL.
And you can't screenshot from porn sites as far as I'm aware.

Andthereyougo · 21/12/2023 23:34

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 21:17

He's been sulking. I've just asked about recently deleted, he says he cleared that too.

It's all blown up and we've had a full big row. He's just pushed me and shouted in my face.

Oh merry Christmas.

Why are you putting up with this? And all his other obnoxious behaviour?
How would your life look without the coercion and gaslighting, the shouting, the lying ?

Maddy70 · 21/12/2023 23:17

Screenshits and nedua sentbthrough whatsapp etc go onto my camera roll

HowToSaveAWife · 21/12/2023 23:14

"I am still very very nervous about sex and intimacy with him."

Stop trying to fight your gut reaction to him. This is all you need to know that this is not a good person or a good situation for you.

Thegoodbadandugly · 21/12/2023 23:08

So he's deleted it then emptied the deleted folder that tells you all you need to know.

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