To think women who enjoy choking during sex should know the risks?

Why is the answer to that to ban everyone from clocking during sex?
That's a UK justice system problem and it's not just related to this one issue. Someone around here sold hard drugs (heroin and crack) and didn't even get a year in prison.
If someone is killed the killer should be charged with murder, the answer is not to completely Ban anyone from having a hand round their neck in sex

Yes, it’s the men that are hurting women, so why should women who enjoy this activity be held responsible and made to pretend they don’t, or stop doing it, because some men hurt people? The responsibility not to murder women lies with the men- it’s not on the women to alter their behaviour (beyond what is sensible), it’s on the men.

They are free to do whatever they want, but if risky behaviour is being normalised, people are going to point to the problems with it. I don't care what you personally do. The AIBU is just that women (or anyone trusting someone to put their hands around their neck and squeeze) should be aware of the risks. There is an expert below who has laid out the health risks. This is important.

The op doesn’t specify circulation being cut off or anything else. The phrase used is ‘choking’, and while that will have a specific dictionary definition, its use in the general vernacular varies.

I don’t think retrospectively applying specific actions invalidates anyone’s input.

Some women DO want them to. Not all women. Not you. Not me (since I’m gay), but some women do enjoy it.

It can be very difficult to get your head round things that are a total anathema to you being enjoyable to other people, but they are.

Human sexuality is an incredibly intricate, complex and broad thing- some expressions of it are (and should be) taboo, but we generally keep that to areas where there is definite harm (getting off on killing people or wanting to be killed for example), or where there can not be consent (paedophilia is an example there).

It's the men who are doing the behaviour.

Yes, it’s the men that are hurting women, so why should women who enjoy this activity be held responsible and made to pretend they don’t, or stop doing it, because some men hurt people? The responsibility not to murder women lies with the men- it’s not on the women to alter their behaviour (beyond what is sensible), it’s on the men.

@skysecret

If what you mean by your reasons for commenting is what I have copied below, then I still don't get it. You keep talking about how what you actually do during sex and the risks and harm. According to what you have said, what you do during sex doesn't obstruct airflow so what we're actually talking about on this thread is not something you enjoy or understand either. So yeah, you're just confusing the issue.

SkySecret · Today 11:36

@HunterBidensBurnerPhone I haven’t minimised a thing. I’ve talked purely about my own choices and experiences.

If this thread was “ok, so we know and understand that some people choose to do this and enjoy it, so what can we do to make it safer and ensure they understand more about it?” I probably wouldn’t have even read the thread.

The only issue I have is the ridiculous comments of “this should be BANNED!!” “Women NEVER EVER want to do this!!” “NO woman enjoys this! No matter WHAT they say!!”

it’s pure ignorance, and just conjures images of a load of hyacinth bucket figures. It does nothing to support anyone or keep anyone safe, it just makes those people look and sound like ignorant arseholes that want to interfere in other people’s lives. They will never make an impact. They’ll do the opposite.

@Totallymessed thank god for that, bye hyacinth!

@Sleepydoor your summary is incorrect. That’s not what I said.

I’ve also clarified why I first posted on the thread if you’re interested. If not, then please stop misquoting me and wasting my time, thanks 👍🏻

You would think so. Sadly, there are multiple posters on this thread who don't, which is why a lot of people think there needs to be more education about the risks. It's not about pearl clutching, it's just wanting people to understand the risks involved.

How so? I don't promote what I do, I don't broadcast it nor do I film it to share with anyone. How is what I choose to do in the privacy of my home, normalising anything?

@horseyhorsey17 you’ve clearly not read my posts so I’m not going to bother to reply to you

@SkySecret I'm not sure why you're on this thread. You say what you do doesn't cut off blood or air flow and isn't strangulation (despite saying your partner once strangled you until you saw stars and you had to tap out to get him to stop). But based on what you say is your usual practice your partner is just placing his hand on your throat with not enough pressure to obstruct your airway or blood flow. So that's not even what we're taking about here, which is noticeably obstructing air or blood flow. You're just confusing the issue.

And without feminism women would still be chattel.

It's really not all about you and your bedroom @YeahIsaidit

It's not safe. Ever.

It isn't equivalent to being hit or controlled or humiliated for pleasure, because it cannot be done safely. The fact that it happens and people aren't injured by it doesn't change that.

I'm not kink shaming (though I would if I needed to). I can analyse it very negatively from a feminist viewpoint, but that's again something different.

If you do it, either giving or receiving, you are taking an extraordinarily dumb risk.

Who's normalising things from the privacy of their own bedroom?? How is what anyone does, in their own home, promoting or normalising things to anyone else, please do explain why you think this

I would assume anyone who actually likes their neck squeezed is aware of the risks. I don't think women are clueless.

@SkySecret you posted this:
there is 🙂 hence I’m not dead.

Although now you've started claiming you don't actually engage in choking in any case. Anyway, I have work to do and I don't really want to waste anymore time trying to have a sensible discussion with a "sex-positive" version of Vicky Pollard.

Do the people posting about "knitting" actually disagree with the AiBU then? That women should be aware of the risks of death or serious injury when they let a man put their hands around their neck for fun? Bizarre.

I personally enjoy the vulnerability and trust I place in my partner. I trust him to not hurt me which turns me on.

I'm very much a woman. I find it offensive that enjoying this must mean I'm lying or a man.

@NotBadConsidering it’s a good question…. I think the risk of death by accident from purely putting hands on neck (as opposed to the people who do the rope round neck play, often alone) is small. I won’t say nil as nothing is ever nil and I don’t want to insult you after all the effort you’ve put into this thread. But yes, I feel like with care and no intent it would be unlikely to result in death. I was speaking from my own experience so apologies if that came across differently in prior posts.

No. You have been repeatedly minimising the risks. That is the problem. Not what you choose to do to yourself. Why not just say- I know it's dangerous, but I enjoy it and am happy to take the risk. Stop pretending it's not dangerous.

Exactly this.

There are some insufferable busy bodies in this thread. Let women enjoy what they enjoy and stay out of other people’s bedrooms. Perhaps take up knitting.

What kind of man would do this to a woman (even if requested) knowing the risks involved?

Where I’m quite clearly saying “in my example” not “this is never dangerous”

I mean the post is right there for people to read! You say:

It would only go horribly wrong if someone was intentionally trying to cause injury or death, which is a very different issue to what people enjoy in the bedroom. That requires a very specific intent.

“Someone”. You’re talking generally about it happening, not specific to your experience at all! If you were talking about your own personal experience here you would have said “it would only go horribly wrong if my partner…”

You made a general observation of the practice that minimises the risk and you seem to believe that it can only go wrong if there is “very specific intent” to do harm.

Do you believe this? Or do you believe it to be possible it can go wrong even by accident with no intent?

Where I’m quite clearly saying “in my example” not “this is never dangerous”

Which is in response to people who were not involved telling me what happened, when they haven’t a clue.

This post. Minimisation of the risk as part of normal practice. Can’t go wrong unless the man is a bad un.