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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let my 13 DS sleep over at his girlfriend's house?

160 replies

user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 17:43

Help me out! I think I'm losing the plot!
My DS13 wants to sleep over at his girlfriend of about 5 weeks (not sure that matters) house!
Apparently her parents are fine with it, and she has had boys sleep over before!
I've said no.... he is kicking off, I don't think IABU..... I have suggested collecting him late if they want to watch a movie etc.
For info, I have only met the girlfriend's dad once briefly when I collected her for a disco, and have only met the girl for the duration of that car journey!

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 19/12/2023 18:10

Wow 13 year old no way..Huh let kids be kids bf and gf I do wonder

Hazey19 · 19/12/2023 18:10

No way

WonderingWanda · 19/12/2023 18:10

Absolutely not. Stick to your guns op. What sort of parents would be encouraging that?

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 18:09

Bertiesmum3 · 19/12/2023 18:05

Maybe you need to have an adult conversation with your son, ask him what plans has he got whilst staying at his girlfriend’s house, talk to him about sex ect,ect and then speak to her parents about if they’re going to be home to supervise the children and sleeping arrangements.
Everyone is jumping to the conclusion that this couple are going to be having sex, when infact it’s all perfectly innocent and the thought hasn’t even crossed their mind

We have had discussions about this, he has said nothing like that would happen.
But to me it's not even all about what might happen, it's him being a situation like that and who knows what could be said. He's 13, she almost 13.
I'm just comfortable with it at all. I've said they can find other ways to spend time together etc

OP posts:
Rosiiee · 19/12/2023 18:08

@Bertiesmum3 i mean I can see where you’re coming from and maybe it’s unfair of us to automatically think sex. Buttttt the girl has had previous boyfriends who have spent the night apparently soooo that’s why I’m thinking there’s an agenda here.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 18:07

I'm not planning on saying yes!! Was reinforcing with my own mind, that I am not out of touch, as it was an immediate now when he asked!
Apparently she is annoyed with him, I've told him that just means that neither of them are really mature enough!

Re the comment about calling her his girlfriend, not sure what else I would call her, she's a girl and his friend, he refers to her as his girlfriend? He has bought her a selection box she likes for Christmas!

Unrelated, but she is his only real friend at the moment due to some horrendous bullying that has gone.

I understand why he wants to please her etc.
I've told him that I wouldn't be comfortable with him staying over a boys house with parents we didn't know either at his age!

I'm sure we'll laugh about it in years to come! ConfusedBlush

OP posts:
Bertiesmum3 · 19/12/2023 18:05

Maybe you need to have an adult conversation with your son, ask him what plans has he got whilst staying at his girlfriend’s house, talk to him about sex ect,ect and then speak to her parents about if they’re going to be home to supervise the children and sleeping arrangements.
Everyone is jumping to the conclusion that this couple are going to be having sex, when infact it’s all perfectly innocent and the thought hasn’t even crossed their mind

Zanatdy · 19/12/2023 18:03

Absolutely not at 13 and I consider myself a fairly liberal parent. No way

Benibidibici · 19/12/2023 18:02

Yabvu indulging 13 year olds talking about "girlfriends". Ridiculous over sexualising of young teenagers.

Got2getout · 19/12/2023 18:00

It’s a big no from me too.

definitely sets the wrong precedent and if you allow this they will infer that you’re ok with them sleeping together. No chance.

FluffyUnicorn84 · 19/12/2023 17:57

DS 13 No!!

DidiAskYouThough · 19/12/2023 17:55

What the actual fuck? You’re not sure of what to do? 😄

Lavenderflower · 19/12/2023 17:54

This would be an absolute no. I'm surprised the parents allowed this. It would make me suspicious about possible grooming behaviours etc.

BooksAndHooks · 19/12/2023 17:54

No I didn’t allow any sleepovers where either are under the age of consent. Certainly not at 13.

Dragonsandcats · 19/12/2023 17:52

I wouldn’t allow this.

MrsJPinkman · 19/12/2023 17:50

Kicking off? He needs reigning in. He's 13, not 23, ffs! 🤦🏻‍♀️

cardibach · 19/12/2023 17:50

electriclight · 19/12/2023 17:46

I think it depends on the circumstances. DD's bf stayed over at that age if there was a genuine need. He was obviously in the spare room on a different floor, and she shared with her sister at the time.

This. There are lots of reasons why this might be ok.
Do you live very rurally?
How many other people live in the house?
Where would he sleep and how likely is it that he’ll have to stay there?

AllIsWellish · 19/12/2023 17:49

Nope not a chance

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 19/12/2023 17:48

How is this even a question? Absolutely not.

thismummydrinksgin · 19/12/2023 17:48

Set your rules now otherwise when he's 15 you won't be able to go back. Don't make it normal x

schoolallergies · 19/12/2023 17:48

2dogsandabudgie · 19/12/2023 17:46

schoolallergies - They could do that at any time though if they wanted.

Yeah but I wouldn't be making it so easy for them.

Itsallgoingtopot · 19/12/2023 17:47

Absolutely not.

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 17:47

WTAF?

MuttsNutts · 19/12/2023 17:47

And if he carries on kicking off you need to withdraw the offer of a lift as well so he won’t be going anywhere.

thismummydrinksgin · 19/12/2023 17:47

2dogsandabudgie · 19/12/2023 17:46

schoolallergies - They could do that at any time though if they wanted.

Yes but this is handing it them on a plate !