To not let my 13 DS sleep over at his girlfriend's house?

You would accept responsibility for a 12yr old child sleeping over in your house and stay awake all night to ensure your son doesn’t have sex with her?

This is an interesting one. I can completely see why you're horrified and what the obvious concern is. I also think, however, that it's perfectly likely that they're not considering sex at all and are literally just seeing this as a sleepover.

I definitely slept over at a male friend's house when I was around 12ish and there was absolutely nothing iffy about it whatsoever. I slept in his sister's room (she was away at uni) which wasn't even on the same floor as his room. But the circumstances were a bit different - firstly, I would have described him as my best friend rather than my boyfriend, and secondly, my mum and his mum had been close friends and neighbours since before we were born. And in fact, the reason I slept over was because my parents had been invited for a night away and my own (adult) siblings weren't available to keep an eye on me.

I think the fact that you don't know the girl's parents or the situation is such a big factor here; it just feels a lot more risky than it would if they were mates and you knew the family etc.

No.

I would say she can sleep at yours and then have them sleep on different rooms. I would be fine with it if they were sleeping in different rooms but tbh it doesn't sound like you can trust these parents to do that so I would host or not at all.

OP has said the child is 12.

Say no, explain that he's too immature to be sexually active and why emotionally it's best to take things slow.
I did this with my DS in the same circumstances but also said if ever he had unprotected sex he should come and tell me straight away so we could support them getting the morning after pill . I'm glad I added this caveat to him because he did just that and I helped him and his GF talk to her mum and get the morning after pill.
So if they want to have sex they will but don't make it easy for them, explain why you're blocking him staying over but leave room for communication.

Is the girl 13 too @user1496146479 ? If so, her parents are not keeping her safe. I would consider reporting it to the school or directly to social services tbh. I wish someone had done that for my sister and I.

sometimes our 13 year olds think they really really want to do something

but actually

they are nervous, anxious and not entirely sure they do want to something but they can’t articulate it to themselves (“obviously i must want to do this, it would be weird if i didn’t”) and certainly
not their parent

There will be decades and decades and decades for my 13 year old to lay his head wherever he wants.

For now? it would be a flat and immovable NO from me

The age of consent was the age we allowed it. Boyfriends could stay over at our house after 6 months. These are not the rules I'd have chosen to go with.

And 2 out of 3 of our DDs didn't wait til the age of consent.

I would only allow it if I'd thoroughly checked out the situation. If i was sure the parents of the girl actually knew about it and were responsible and were having them sleep in separate rooms. If I were sure of that then I'd allow it as I was allowed to do that at that age and did not have any problems. I had friends of both sexes stay over at mine throughout my childhood but it was handled responsibly and I was never in any difficult situation, nor were they. We were just regularly checked up on... either slept in separate rooms, or in one room with the door open if it were a group of us watching a film or something.. boys on one side of the room on the floor, girls on the other etc parents regularly checking us.

Are they Friends or bf/gf

You say it's the only person he hangs about with due to bullying

I wouldn't let him stay yet - i
I would want to meet her more. Get her round to yours for films

In time I would also want to meet parents

But no to staying

She is 12. He is 13

I had sleepovers at 12/13 but same sex friends

Don't agree to it. I speak from bitter experience. My DS (now 19) told me that he was staying for an after school club when he was 14, and went to his girlfriend's house, instead. She was also 14. Her mother, at least, was at home - and allowed the two of them to not only go to her bedroom, but close the door...

Anyone who tells you that kids that age are incapable of having sex... pfft.

In my house, there was an open door policy - which my son knew about. His older sister (she's now 27) had the embarrassment as an 18 year old, with her first "proper" boyfriend visiting our home, of having her bedroom door propped wide open and me wandering past every now and then (household chores, using the bathroom). My son knew that the same would happen if he brought a girl home. I mean... I didn't engage in conversation, I just made sure my presence was known (which successfully cockblocked in my house).

To this day, I cannot fathom the mentality of the girl whom my son lost his virginity to's parents. I really can't. They were kids... I mean, even at 19, because of covid, my son is immature, but even back then, they were 14... and as the mother of a daughter, what the actual fuck is letting a hormone laden "let's try this" boy stay over (because yes; my son would have been just as into "ooh, body parts, how do they slot together...?" as the girl he was "dating" at the time was) going to do for her self-worth?

Not everyone parents the same way, sure - but when we're dealing with hormone laden adolescents/teenagers... and it's the girl who stands to have her life derailed if she gets pregnant (because one way or the other, it has an impact), maybe we ought to grasp that 13/14/15/16 year old boys are sneaky buggers and tend to offload responsibility onto their parents, and just not allow our daughters to be put at risk.

(Just for the record, my son didn't knock the girl up - to the best of my knowledge - and nor did he contract an STI. In fact, she dumped him within a month because he wound up with a tumour that she felt distorted her SM image... again, another reason as to why kids this age ought not to be given the chance to slot body parts together! They're children themselves.)

This!

😂😂😂

BRAVE

Also, her parents sound like rightful wackos. No fucking way would I be allowing a boy at that age to sleep over, or vice versa.

😂

um, NO. Does this girls parents know they are dating? I’d have her on BC ASAP.

At thirteen - It's a NO from me.

I doubt the parents even know what their daughter has asked or said about previous boys staying over.
I bet she was hoping on the off chance that you say yes, then they'd go to her parents and say your DS has been kicked out of home so he has to stay there the night.
Teens can be so manipulative.

Why is this even up for debate?

Absolutely not!!!

Nice try DS.

....

Yeah I'm not going to bother to answer.

I'm surprised that the parents are happy with your son to stay over at their house.

Sigh. Some of these posts on Mumsnet make me laugh.