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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let my 13 DS sleep over at his girlfriend's house?

160 replies

user1496146479 · 19/12/2023 17:43

Help me out! I think I'm losing the plot!
My DS13 wants to sleep over at his girlfriend of about 5 weeks (not sure that matters) house!
Apparently her parents are fine with it, and she has had boys sleep over before!
I've said no.... he is kicking off, I don't think IABU..... I have suggested collecting him late if they want to watch a movie etc.
For info, I have only met the girlfriend's dad once briefly when I collected her for a disco, and have only met the girl for the duration of that car journey!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1496146479 · 06/01/2024 19:43

AllIsWellish · 06/01/2024 18:41

Well 13 year olds tend to go out and meet friends where I live so you wouldn't always know if they decided to go into a friends house who's parents you'd never met. Dropping off for a few hours and saying a quick hello doesn't seem off to me

I guess friends I wouldn't mind as much, but even the context is GF/BF I'd like to know that there is some level of supervision at that age. I'm 99% sure nothing would happen this early, but I don't want him in a he said/she said situation at his age

OP posts:
Original poster
user1496146479 · 06/01/2024 19:41

WhatIsHeThinking · 06/01/2024 16:07

13? Isn’t that quite young for a relationship anyway?!

I think do yes, but apparently common in my DS school! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
autumnboys · 06/01/2024 18:48

It would be a no from me!

AllIsWellish · 06/01/2024 18:41

Well 13 year olds tend to go out and meet friends where I live so you wouldn't always know if they decided to go into a friends house who's parents you'd never met. Dropping off for a few hours and saying a quick hello doesn't seem off to me

WhatIsHeThinking · 06/01/2024 16:07

13? Isn’t that quite young for a relationship anyway?!

Original poster
user1496146479 · 06/01/2024 15:27

PiggieWig · 06/01/2024 12:18

What surprised you about her dad dropping her off?

Well, there is no way I'd be dropping my 13 year old daughter off at the house of parents I'd never met!
Same as I didn't let my son go to her house - the whole point of my post.
So given that her dad was happy to let her come her, with no concerns, clearly there are some parents that would allow it!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1496146479 · 06/01/2024 15:26

NoraWaves · 06/01/2024 12:15

No one is going to say yes op. Quite obviously that's a no.

Well yes, I know that! I'd already told my son no, and said this in my first post!
Was looking to see if I was in in the majority, clearly I am!

OP posts:
PiggieWig · 06/01/2024 12:18

What surprised you about her dad dropping her off?

NoraWaves · 06/01/2024 12:15

No one is going to say yes op. Quite obviously that's a no.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 06/01/2024 11:38

If anyone was interested! BlushWinkWink
DS girlfriend came over last week for a few hours, had dinner with all of us, exchanged their Christmas gifts for each other, and watched a movie together downstairs, with DH & I popping in to check on them/offer snacks etc.
Her dad dropped her off at the door, knows nothing about any of us/said a brief hello that's it! Surprised me!

OP posts:
WorriedMum231 · 21/12/2023 20:41

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 21/12/2023 19:39

A 12yo on Snapchat said to a 13yo her parents are ok with it. 🙄

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umm, thanks? 😂

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 21/12/2023 19:39

WorriedMum231 · 21/12/2023 17:50

Her parents are ok with it? That’s mental.

A 12yo on Snapchat said to a 13yo her parents are ok with it. 🙄

WorriedMum231 · 21/12/2023 17:50

Her parents are ok with it? That’s mental.

curaçao · 21/12/2023 17:49

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velvetoptions · 20/12/2023 16:38

and it’s not “sad” to assume all teens are desperate for sex

Given the consequences of getting it wrong…. surely it’s sensible to base parental decisions re sleeping arrangements and teens describing themselves as girlfriends and boyfriends as very keen on having sex?

velvetoptions · 20/12/2023 16:36

had the boy you stayed over with been your boyfriend (as in the OP’s scenario) rather than your friend… then your experience may have been more relevant to the OP
bur the girlfriend / boyfriend dimension suggests attraction, which i’m sure you’ll agree does put a very different stance on the situation to a bona dose friendship 🤷‍♀️

velvetoptions · 20/12/2023 16:34

goodness i didn’t mean to annoy you! 😬

randomusername2020 · 20/12/2023 16:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

ghlily · 20/12/2023 16:24

No way

thebestinterest · 20/12/2023 16:23

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someone who realizes that they are likely having sex!?!?!? How many 13,14 yr olds on hear are ending up pregnant????

velvetoptions · 20/12/2023 16:19

@randomusername2020

As a teen, probably a similar age, I asked about sleeping over at a friends house who was male and had a similar response. I had no intention of anything like that, we were friends and wanted to hang out.

you can speak for yourself
but you can’t speak for him. Perhaps he was harbouring desire for something to happen and, had you been the same, this something would have happened

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 20/12/2023 15:58

DidiAskYouThough · 20/12/2023 11:42

You would accept responsibility for a 12yr old child sleeping over in your house and stay awake all night to ensure your son doesn’t have sex with her? Confused

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This Christmas I'll be staying in a cottage with two other families with a total of 6 kids of 12 and 13. (There were twins)

We'll be watching them like hawks but nobody will be staying awake overnight.

I don't think that's an unusual situation.

randomusername2020 · 20/12/2023 13:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

toddlermam · 20/12/2023 13:00

Not a chance in hell!

Tbh OP, sleepovers won't stop them from having sex if they're going to do it. My younger brother lost his virginity at 12 years old (to a 12 year old girl) and they never once had a sleepover, just hung out in the afternoons/evenings etc. So regardless of him sleeping there, try and have a talk with him beforehand about this topic. It's sad that it's something you'd even have to worry about with younger children!

Weepingskies · 20/12/2023 11:43

I agree I wouldn’t want to allow this. And I’m lucky enough to never have had this come up despite having a 16 year old DD. The only thing I find tricky is wondering how I would deal with it if she wanted a same sex partner to stay over. I’d like to think I wouldn’t treat a same sex partner differently to an opposite sex partner…
but would I refuse to let them stay over? If not why not - just because there’s no risk of pregnancy? In which case an opposite sex sleepover could happen if contraception sorted? And if I wouldn’t let her same sex partner stay does that mean I wouldn’t allow any sleepovers at all - which seems very restrictive and may bring its own problems. Tricky issues to navigate.