To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

Yes but you have clearly MET your DH in person and have a conventional relationship.

We are talking about people who have been contacted on social media or a dating site by someone who either lives overseas or works overseas, who they have NEVER met in person, and who they have only ever messaged or talked to on the phone. Who is saying they are in love, want to be together, move in together, plan a whole future together, but can you just send me £10k first to deal with this tax issue?

You said people were narcissistic for wanting to feel gorgeous and lovable. It works in my relationship. If something else floats your boat...

But we all know you were just taking a swipe at vulnerable people so you could feel superior. Do it better if you don't want it to get torn apart so easily.

Yes! I mean you wouldn't give a random person in the street your life savings so why give them to a random person you've never met

Yes I regularly get fake friend requests - they are either widowed, high ranking US military men or widowed doctors or young handsome African men! They send it to thousands of women and even if only one responds it has worked.

It's usually vulnerable people who fall for scams. Vulnerable because of age or below average IQ. I think even the victims who present as being perfectly intelligent, must have something lacking in them. Their self esteem must be so low and that makes me feel sorry for them. It makes me wonder what kind of upbringing they had or whats happened to them in their lives. Of course my first instinct is to think how bloody stupid they've been to fall for it. But then, I can't help but want to know why they are like this. What makes a person of average intelligence, fall for romance scams?

whats that got to do with anything? I think that of my dh, but if I was rinsing his bank account and he’d never even met me in the flesh I would think he might question it

I think like a previous poster said loneliness can make someone quite desperate and open to believing anything. A friend of mine is married to a man who was in the UK on a student visa. They were engaged 2 weeks after meeting, joint bank account and married 5 months later just before his student visa ran out. He is taking the absolute biscuit and clearly playing the long game but she won’t remotely acknowledge it because she is so desperate to be loved. It’s really sad.

Scammers are very clever. We had a family member "invest" in a company which turned out to be some sort of scam and then the scammers also sent emails offering to recover money paid out to the scammers.

They mocked up documents from HMRC and various solicitors to make it look convincing. The relative was desperate to believe it was all above board when it was fairly obvious (to us!) it was a scam. Sad.

YABU, people can be very vulnerable and that’s who these scammers target.

Very very gullible and probably a bit desperate. Doesn't speak volumes as their ability as an "international business development manager" that they send £130k to some bloke they've never met who is supposedly in the Ukraine building something or other.

The presenters always say things like "it could happen to anyone" but it really couldn't. I have a business Instagram account and regularly get messages from attractive looking men who are always American, Canadian or Australian but working in Syria/Iraq for the UN or as a medic. So clearly fake. Delete and block. Scammers like this are not sophisticated and if these women even took one second to google the story they would hit upon thousands of other widowed American UN medics stuck in Iraq who just need $2000 for a passport or medical bills...

It happened to my dsis. She has learning difficulties. These bastards know what they are doing and actively target people like my sister. So I wouldn't call them stupid, just vulnerable and too trusting

Yes, I do. I know that sound callous, and I know there's a sort of spectrum of foolishness - some are more culpable than others, but I generally agree.

My reasons are:

I understand it's horrible to be lonely, but I wish women would raise their standards and realise they can enjoy life without a man.

If someone asks for money - just walk away. After all the publicity about this kind of scam surely, surely women understand that this is a huge red flag?

Some people are deluded about their attractiveness to the opposite sex. Harsh, but if you're realistic, it's much healthier and protects you from highly unlikely propositions from younger, very attractive men.

Completely agree. I always feel like such a bitch when I watch stuff like this. Everyone always sounds so sympathetic, and i'm thinking how can they be so thick.

I don’t understand it but I don’t think the people are stupid or narcissists. I think they’re vulnerable to this approach. Scammers are good at finding the most receptive audience for their particular con.

Scammers deliberately target vulnerable people who are less able to see through the scam for whatever reason- could be intelligence, age, emotional vulnerability etc.

I think it's very sad. It's not just romance scams - many people in DH's family have been conned by (much smaller) scams or have these weird irrational fears that make no sense when you consider these are also well educated, perfectly successful adults. It's weird.

As DH says, considering his father is the least trusting, most cynical person he's ever met it's completely bizarre how many times he has been conned out of money/burgled etc.

You mention her obesity and housebound status so you clearly think they are relevant, but you can't understand why she might have been susceptible to something like this?

I know. I read about one woman who believed she was in an online relationship with Jason Statham and ended up giving him tens of thousands of pounds.

For a start why would Jason Statham need your money? And also not to be mean but what does Jason Statham need with a middle aged woman from Stoke when he has his supermodel girlfriend 🤔

My husband thinks I'm gorgeous and lovable and I think the same of him. If it's narcissistic then it's working for us.

Someone half your age, stunning looking, declaring love after 2 weeks of sending online messages, should have anyone's alarm bells ringing.

I do feel so sorry for lonely people, but they seem to become so bloody minded in the belief that these scammers love them, that they ignore friends and family.

Totally agree. I remember one where it was a woman in her 50s - morbidly obese, practically housebound and she “found love” with a young good looking man in his 20s who just happened to be “in danger” and needing thousands of pounds sent to him on a regular basis which she was willingly doing. She’d never even met this bloke, just had a photo and a shit ton of messages saying how much he loved her and couldn’t wait to marry her etc. I actually felt sorry for her kids who were desperately trying to make her see sense whilst watching their inheritance being thrown away to some random scammer.

I’ll never understand the absolute stupidity of some people.

People want to believe they are gorgeous and loveable. It’s narcissism really.

I have some involvement with cases like this at work, and I'd say most romance scams are shockingly unsophisticated and should be obvious to anyone with a modicum of life experience. Ego is a strong driving force in lots of people's decisions.

Being successful professionally doesn't translate to having no weaknesses. In fact, very successful people often are romantically weak because their job takes so much out of them. We've all been stupid over something.

You only have to look at the number of women on here in completely shit awful relationships but insisting he's lovely really and a great dad and they've made it sound worse than it is to see how hard it can be to take your heart back when you realise you've been a fool. These women are going to sacrifice their lives and their children on the altar of the fantasy that sustains their sense of self...makes a few grand look quite piddling, really.

It's very frustrating though, for sure. If only more people would realise that it's never too late to cut your losses.

I think some people are just very lonely, lost and sad so they’re desperate for attention and love. That and the fact intellect doesn’t always mean a person has emotional intelligence. I’m an academic so work with intellects, a few of them have no common sense.