To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

"Some are very plausible right up to the point that the victim has been completely sucked in."

Ok well those ones may be different. I was thinking mainly of the ones where common sense would tell you they're fake.

Yes, that's the 'certain thing' that the weakness lies in. Like my analogy with the parents who think their children are The Best. That's their weak spot. Lonely people have loneliness as their weak spot - let's remember that not ALL romance scammers are 20 year old gorgeous people. Some are very plausible right up to the point that the victim has been completely sucked in. It's not all surgeons who pronounce their love for you immediately and then ask to borrow $40,000 dollars the next day, romance scams can take lots of forms and be quite subtle.

These 'romances' go on for a long time though. It's not just a moment of weakness.

@TheSilentPatient Having watched loads of romance scam stuff now, thete seems to absolutely be collusion on some level between scammer and scammee when it's romance scams.

Even the most intelligent person can be caught at a bad time, on a bad day. They might be stupid in that moment, but it doesn't presuppose general stupidity. We can all be stupid about certain things (see people who believe their children are the most clever or the most good looking in any given group).

There's a good podcast about this

https://timharford.com/2022/10/cautionary-tales-the-online-date-thats-too-good-to-be-true/

Senior academic fell for scam. Not stupid, just really wanted it to be true and scammers are good at manipulating vulnerability.

They’re living in a fantasy. I deal with fraud scam victims for my job and there’s ALWAYS blazing red flags during romance scams that they’ve chosen to ignore. No-one wants to take responsibility for their own actions any more.

@NotMyFirstChoiceofName one problem is the 65 year old women don't want to shack up and play housekeeper to some older man, a lot don't anyway. My grandma was proposed to by one such gentleman when she was widowed, and she said no! So, they may conclude that they need to go abroad (where the women want something different from the arrangement, namely money).

This is the same though as these old guys who fly off to Thailand - do they think they become instantly attractive and they are having to fend off all these young ladies because of their looks and sparkling personality? The only thing in their pants they are interested in is a Western passport

These old guys know perfectly well why they are going for a 25 year old Thai woman - her face/body and the stereotype that they will be obedient/ do all the chores/ give them BJ on demand.

Yet they seem astounded that the women has her own agenda - money, UK passport etc .

If they were just looking for “ love and companionship “ they would be with the aforementioned 65 year old Doris from Wigan.

I accept that many 65 year old women are running marathons/international companies and therefore too busy to be housekeepers for sad old gits. But there are a lot more single women than men in that age group, so the supply / demand situation favours retired men.

This is the same though as these old guys who fly off to Thailand - do they think they become instantly attractive and they are having to fend off all these young ladies because of their looks and sparkling personality? The only thing in their pants they are interested in is a Western passport. Before they know it they are supporting a whole family or village and often a new baby which is that one child that is born to cement the relationship. People are gullible.

On the BBC series there were very ordinary retired men who believed very attractive young women 30/40 years their junior were head over heels in love with them and would move 1000’s of miles just to marry 68 year old Harry who lives in a retirement bungalow and dresses head to toe in M&S .

9 times out of 10 the photos were stolen from an adult film star/influencer and yet even when shown definite proof they wouldn’t have it.

One old boy they actually got the real glamour model on face time and he refused to accept it. He just said ‘you look a bit like my Sarah but you’re not her’ - she was the one in all of the photos ffs

@Gwenhwyfar because most average men still have a huge ego when it comes to their attractiveness

"The problem is that if 65 year old Doris is recently widowed or divorced, the last time she was on the dating scene was probably when she was 20 year old Doris, a 'hot property' - she is not necessarily going to realise that her 'worth' in that market has so significantly declined."

Oh come on. Be serious! Even as a married woman Doris has realised she has aged and men's attitudes towards her have changed in that time.

"that’s the thing in common with all these victims - they believed that an incredibly rich and good looking man / woman who was decades younger than them couldn’t find anyone of their own age and background in their own country."

Yes, and this is why I get frustrated when people say that 'leagues' are not a thing and nobody is out anybody's league. It's not true, is it?

I haven't RTFT but maybe men who marry Thai wives or similar have been mentioned. They get a wife twenty or thirty years younger than them and then seem surprised when she's only after their money.

As I understand it, Peter Farquhar was lonely because he didn’t have a partner. Yet he didn’t seek out a loving relationship with a man of his own age and background, even thought his vicar had assured him that this was ok. He chose to believe that a good looking man ? 30 years younger had suddenly fallen in love with him.

that’s the thing in common with all these victims - they believed that an incredibly rich and good looking man / woman who was decades younger than them couldn’t find anyone of their own age and background in their own country.

thats what makes them vain and foolish.

I don’t think anyone is saying that single / windowed / divorced people should volunteer instead of looking for love. PP are challenging the suggestion that scam victims are “ kind, generous and charitable “ because they gave away money.

If they were indeed kind and generous they would give their money to family / friends / legitimate charities. Whereas they were buying the time / attention / future they imagined from their fake person.

It wasn’t charity, it was an investment that went wrong. The gambled and they lost .

It does get me with these 'selfless' narratives about the caring and kind being targeted is they aren't people who are actively going out volunteering or helping charities on a regular basis (if they were they wouldn't be as isolated and vulnerable in the same way) and they don't afford generosity to their family.

I don’t entirely disagree, but I would say that it’s a bit patronising to tell someone who’s lonely that the answer is volunteering. No matter how well thought of and linked in to your local community you are, for many people nothing can replace the intimacy of a partnered relationship or family. It’s not the same thing. Peter Farquhar, of the devastating case mentioned upthread, was heavily involved in his local church and community, had lots of friends, taught and mentored students - and yet was still so lonely he fell for that terrible scam and was abused, exploited and murdered. Just saying “do more volunteering” isn’t the whole answer.

It’s funny how these young men aren’t interested in the old women in their own town…..

Yes, I saw that one. I really want to be kind (because the men tricked are poor and not very well educated) but really? They were told that they could pick a woman to have sex with and get paid for it?

Not sure if this counts. All India Pregnant Job service: Indian men conned by 'impregnating women' scam - BBC News
Relevant because one of the men interviewed (after losing months worth of pay and his own wife now not speaking to him) is still not sure if it is a scam or not....

I think theme of top professionals that hold down complicated and responsible jobs falling for scams is very interesting . I think there are two things going on here.

1. Not all people in high flying jobs with great responsibility are competent, or have used hard work and common sense to get there. There are many nefarious ways to climb the ladder - failing upwards, having something on the managers and the good old ' casting couch'. You can't judge a persons intelligence or wisdom by the job they do.
2. People in these roles tend to have an arrogance and ignorance that makes them not question something they want to be true. They are always right and have probably have a history of poor personal judgement. Scammers are nor put off high earners/ high flyers for a reason. As the article previously states, it is harder to convince these people something is a scam, than to scam them in the first place due to vanity, arrogance, entitlement etc.

Apologies for this being from the Daily Mail but it's a good article.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12953721/He-ruined-life-ways-three-months-felt-like-loved-person-world-romance-fraud-costs-victims-82million-single-year-astonishing-book-recounts-tales-women-whove-lost-100-000-foreign-scammers.html

Becky Holmes is very good.

They not victims they greedy stupid people who give genuine victims of actial crime a bad name

Agreed.

Unbelievable!! 😲😲

There was one women who was on the Catfished youtube who was told she needed to pay $25k because her scammer was in jail and they needed to give an aide plastic surgery to look like the scammer so he could go and pick up the gold bars in his place!

s

She was a backing singer for Fleetwood Mac and sent over $1,000,000