To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

Most people believe what they want to. Look at all the conspiracy theorists.

The thread could be left up for financial advice, but if you block PMs then they can't hand out their bank details.

I always think that some threads on here where someone is hinting about wanting money should have the OP's private messages disabled. That's the only way money can be sent.

Plenty of men fall for scams too. We do often think the men are just looking to get laid by young women, but to be honest, they are also targeted by these women, as women are by the young men.

there are very often key similarities, age and financial gap being the key ones. As well as Visa rights to the country of the mark.

i don’t think these people are stupid as some are saying, more as said, i think they are usually desperate and lonely. And that makes them vulnerable to someone showing them interest.

The scams only work on vulnerable people so no, you can't judge until you've been there yourself.

Loneliness causes mental and physical ill health in many people. Someone happy and confident doesn't fall for them

A friend recently told me about a much more convincing way of scamming which her very elderly parents are caught up in. About a year ago they were dealing with the local council to have work done on their home - along the lines of putting a bathroom downstairs for accessibility as one is a wheelchair user. Social services put them in touch with a "reputable" local company to do the work. Work completed. About a month later they get a call from someone saying they were from that company and asking for an extra £200 as their bill was incorrect. They paid up.

Now they are regularly receiving calls from "the police" or "the council" - all people with local accents using a local phone number. All asking for relatively small sums of money, or telling them that their card has been used fraudulently and if they could just confirm the details etc.

It's convincing because it's not "John from Microsoft/Amazon" with a strong Indian accent. Police aware, trying to get to the bottom of the leak of data in the first place. Family aware too. It's very different from a romance scam though which you really have to ignore a whole forest of red flags to fall for.

I think the same about older women getting 20 year old guys from poor countries. It is predatory

Then there are the men who go out to Thailand and complain they've been ripped off by women there.

Let's face it, if they weren't out there looking for women young enough to be their granddaughters, because they can't seem to find one woman in the whole of the UK to date, well I don't have much sympathy.

That's not loneliness, that's predatory behaviour backfiring on them.

I heard similar but victim was man - was a podcast or radio program.

Entire extended family were taken in but they all wised up - one last minute emergency meaning scammer couldn't get on plan too many. You could hear family and interviewers frustration that this man was still believing and still ending money - by end of program he was sort of admitting to doubts - right at end the update was he'd had a complete mental break down and suicide attempt.

I do wonder how these people get sucked in - but I know my DGP nearly were in very old age and my DMum now has fears she will be - she screens calls and is very skeptical of all these groups - charities, companies and social services - that need her financial details to get mobility help for her and dad. I think it a worry about slowing down but also how impatient and skipping over important details many professions are with older people.

I agree with those that say loneliness breeds a desperation for love and attention. However, people are often lonely for a reason.

A relative of mine was involved in a romance scam and it is true that they were very lonely.

There were reasons that they were lonely and not able to function in a normal relationship, due to childhood trauma, the relationships they had in their life they were generally abusive and controlling. They were very difficult to be around and viewed themselves in a fairly delusional way, including the fact they were always right and everyone else was out to get them/their money/take away the love of their life.

Amazing!

"One UK victim, a former Somerset police officer, lost £107k to such a scam, believing she was investing in retirement apartments in Cyprus."

The 4 most convincing scams we’ve seen in 2023, so far - Which? News

I think rich people are particularly easy to 'scam' .

They have an abundance of money and nothing left to spend it on, so they form a business relationship with a fantasy person who tells them what they want to hear. They know the chances of it being who they say they are or having true feelings are slim to nothing but its a transaction. They get to pretend, they also get to spend their money on someone, which a lot of people enjoy doing. Lots of people don't like having 'spare' money, they find it uncomfortable and have a need to shed it.

To coin a saying from Friends "they know that we know that they know that we know" (or something like that)

But they have to act stupid when cornered about it because the alternative is to admit they have a addiction problem in the same way an addict doesn't like to admit the money they've spunked on drugs/alcohol/gaming/food whatever it is, so to escape perceived accountability it becomes somebody else's fault.

That's even worse😨

AIBU to think that some romance scam victims are extremely vulnerable?

There, fixed it for you.

I think "stupid" is cruel. Loneliness makes people desperate and easily manipulated.

The standard response from many posters @bruffin is "well I'd rather be scammed than think of triplets hungry without formula". Scammers know that people put their reservations to the side and wish to virtue signal to others on MN about how good and generous they are. They generally don't like people pointing out that the next person the scammer moves on to may be their 90 year old granny, or neighbour with learning difficulties.

It’s startling when someone who’s been scammed by one of those “arrested in Thailand, bank accounts frozen” deals recount the story and still talks as if the scammer is a real person who was really in Thailand etc.

Brave of so many people to go public with their stories though.

I like to think I’ve avoided scams/joining a cult/MLM schemes because I’m smart – but suspect it’s at least partly because I have no financial assets or worldly influence

Totally agree, but then complain about Troll hunters when the obvious is pointed out to them

There is also no "cost" to these people in messaging every single woman/man they come across. Free trial on a dating agency website, costs nothing to set up a social media profile. Then you and your scammy mates/colleagues spend all day cutting and pasting the same very generic "hi, you look nice, want to chat" message into the websites, knowing you will get maybe one or two responses, but that's all you need. You have no costs invested in your scam. Apparently the Philippines is taking over from Nigeria as the centre of most of these scams.

We all have our weaknesses.

The brain is a physical organ like all the others, judgement and emotions are physical processes - some of us aren't well served by what Nature gave us.

That said, we teach biology, reproduction, food & nutrition - I'm sure it would help a lot if judgement and negotiation were also taught in schools and there were educational series on TV covering the same material for adults.

I was scammed like this 4 years ago. I posted a thread about it at the time because I felt such a fool and thought making a thread might just warn someone else. Also the embarrassment of writing it down made it more real.

It was a one off payment and it was tiny in the context of the big sums on this thread. But I've no doubt the scammers look for clues as to what you'd consider small, medium or big amounts of money. And it was enough that it would shock most people.

Im not thick generally, but I am impulsive and I found it very weird having spare money for what felt like the first time in my life, and I was recently bereaved of my husband and my dad. I was just vulnerable enough to be a fool.

My dad died after about a decade in the hands of classic 'dear Sir please allow me to become your business partner' overseas scammers. He died penniless and having extracted money from others to keep paying, despite anything we could say. In his last 3 weeks in hospital, his state pension accrued while he was an inpatient. Very oddly it was exactly that amount that the scammer I was in touch with went for.

There are many vulnerable women out there, but I wouldn't be surprised if many on that TV programme are actors - the sole intention being to inform and educate others.
Last week when confronted by evidence one woman didnt even gasp, cry or put her hands to her mouth, shake or anything. She'd lost a six figure sum and was intending to hand over more. So yes, of course these things happen, but i think the programme in question employs actors in an educational role.

I just block them but I wonder how their apparently comfortable lives would suddenly need an influx of cash.

It's always the same story though which if you were involved, you could easily google. The ones overseas have some sort of tax or customs problem, a fine to pay off, some sort of debt which has to be settled in Iraq/Syria before flying to Scunthorpe to spend the rest of their lives with the victim. The ones who say they are in Canada/US will have a medical bill to pay, either for them or more likely, a parent or child.

I also think it’s loneliness and desperation to be with someone, to feel wanted. To feel special.

there was a woman on here recently, dating a younger guy from a poor country, giving him graphic design work, you could see what it was a mile away, but she was having none of it.

to some extent many of us have experienced it. Been on holiday to poor countries and locals hit on us. You know full well some 20 odd year old bloke isn’t interested, but it is flattering if you wish to believe it. And I can see why some choose to believe it. And then in extreme cases it goes too far. Complete mind boggling scams, or they marry them.

there are so many warnings out there. It’s no secret , but there will always be enough lonely desperate people that they fall for it. And they get in so deep they just can’t stop. Don’t want to believe it’s a con. Would rather throw the extra 30k than believe it.

I once worked with a lovely elderly man who had an American "finance". Social services tried to intervene as the man had MH disorder but couldn't stop him from parting with his money. It's all very sad and I think there can be multiple reasons for people falling for this trap beyond just "being stupid".
ETA:
I can actually think of two more cases from my personal life too. An elderly woman I know who shipped her young Turkish husband over from her holiday. Haven't seen her for years as I moved out of the area but I always wondered how it turned out in the end.
And a young disabled woman meeting "the love of her live", a dodgy-looking bloke from Turkey who didn't speak any English. Ended up marrying him, converting to Islam and having a baby. I hope things are going well for her but something tells me it may not be.

Clearly, these people prey on vulnerabilities of others. But I can see how one might be tempted to help out. My partner fell on hard times last year with his business and needed to come up with a large sum of money. It took all my resolve not to dip into my savings and let him sort his own finances out.