To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

You even see people here on MN falling for begging threads, which always surprises me.

They groom their victims, they don't immediately say give me £50,000 pounds, initially it's all lovey dovey then they have a little problem and could you lend a small amount, if you do they know they are in, if you say run away they move on. The next time they need to borrow a little bit more then a little bit more. Suddenly you have invested quite a bit of money in this charming loving person and you have to convince yourself it's all for love or admit you've been a fool and lost the money. You just get gradually sucked in. I can easily see how lonely people get into these things and find it really hard to believe it's all been a con.

Yeah, I'm not really happy that, via my bank, I am helping to subside predatory 65 year old Joe Bloggs trying to get his end away with a 19 year old in Thailand.

In fact, the bank encourages this behaviour because they are providing the safety net!

There's somone like that on my local NextDoor site, only ever posts to ask for food, clothing for her kids, furniture, money for the gas top up and household stuff. I felt sorry for her at first, never gave anything though it did tug at my heartstrings at first. Been going on for over two years now so it must work

I don't think they are necessarily stupid, but they are often vulnerable in some way.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/sep/15/daphne-franks-the-woman-who-lost-her-much-loved-mother-to-a-predatory-marriage

It wouldn't always be an easy case to win, but I do believe marriages can be annulled if one or both people don't have capacity to consent. IANAL...

Here you go @Chilicabbage

www.interpol.int/en/News-and-Events/News/2023/INTERPOL-issues-global-warning-on-human-trafficking-fueled-fraud

There was a programme on R4 (IIRC) about a daughter trying to get the law changed on dementia sufferers being allowed to marry. Her mother had been targeted by a man, they married, he distanced her from her family, and when she subsequently died, he bagged the entire estate. Nothing they could do. It was dreadful to listen to.

Oh I would like to read that. Always happy to learn!

You might not believe it but Interpol think otherwise.

Yes, to a point, but for every one lonely person that falls for it, 100 have blocked them. Told them to fuck right off.

It's not that they were Sikh, it's that they were part of a community that looks out for its members and knows each other. I can see how that made fake Bobby look more dependable despite the red flags.

Yes, it was hugely frustrating. She clearly wasn't stupid. It isn't that simple. And the people who really truly do not have the capacity to understand this, through learning disabilities or whatever, deserve sympathy.

I think the cousin got away with it because she didn't actually do anything criminal; she stole Bobby's identity but didn't use it to commit fraud or anything. Then she threatened to counter sue her victim, which was probably intimidating.

A lot of these scams are complex psychologically. People are often pressured to give the money to prove they're "good".

I don't believe they are. Have you seen the vids from the "John from Microsoft to help with your virus" callcentres?

I used to work somewhere where a colleague was a romance scammer. Fairly newly appointed to the staff. Seemed pleasant enough and no one suspected anything. That is until the Director got a phone call enlightening her. He had not had his references checked by HR, one referee was a prison chaplain. To say the shit hit the fan was an understatement. Escorted off the premises immediately. HR were in deep trouble. He had conned 3 women out of £100,000s. He was notorious and had been featured not long before on TV. He is still at large and is very cunning!

@Chocpot1986 I was engaged to DH about two weeks after meeting him and we married 6 1/2 weeks later! We're both English though (I am older than him by 11 months). If he'd been here on a student visa I'd have run a mile.

I was gobsmacked when I found out that someone who is basically not able to make legal decisions can still marrief and it would be valid. Famous case in one carehome. Absolutely ridiculous

I can see the humour in that, but the person you sent that message to is likely in some off the radar hellhole corner of a despotic state being forced to work 16 hour days who is beaten and tortured if they don't come up with the money the scam has been set up to produce.

It really is best to delete and block.

But that made it even more frustrating! She was articulate and on one level intelligent, but so willfully blind to the obvious.

And I don't think the fact that they were Sikh explains it. It's not like they are some shut away community who don't know how to make video calls.

The cousin seems to have got off scot free, and never explained her motivation (if indeed she understands it).

Because the stranger hasn't found any weaknesses or spent any time creating a personal dynamic between them.

The saddest one I read was a widow in her late 60’s who went to turkey with a friend. A young waiter convinced her hexwax in love with her and they got married. He then said as a man it was not normal in his culture not to have control of all money and assets. So she transferred over her money to him and he convinced her to sell her home and gone to live in Turkey with him. She did and he disappeared with all the money including her house proceeds. He was 26 and she really believed he loved her… the marriage was also not legal she later found out.

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Predatory marriages on the rise in Britain as fraudsters target elderly for their inheritance (inews.co.uk)

Barry Gibb? Goodness. If he contacted me on the Internet I'd think he was the deluded one!
😂

I got tricked into clicking through to a very convincing fake Evri website just last week. They'd just lost a parcel of mine so I found it believable at first. They wanted my birthday which obviously set alarm bells ringing, so I gave my ex's. Then they wanted card details for the redelivery charge. Clicked right off then but it really did look like the real website...and this is the time of year for online deliveries. I can absolutely see how someone who isn't so familiar with courier deliveries might be fooled.

How ready we are to believe that which we wish to be true.