To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

Yes of there are lots of people out there who are vulnerable and do not have high intelligence or their wits about them, and/or are lonely and vulnerable which might reduce their defences.

It doesn't mean they don't deserve the protection of the law or for a con artists to scam them out of their money.

There are some more sophisticated scams as well that can catch anyone out at the right place and right time.

I nearly opened a phishing email one time from "eBay" as I'd just sold something on there.

I did open a phishing email at work because Microsoft was always asking me to put my password in - sometimes several times in a few minutes - and there was nothing unusual about the email or attachment I received that triggered any suspicions.

I think it’s disingenuous when the hosts always stress ‘you weren’t being stupid, it could happen to any of us.’ I think this normalises some people’s unhinged behaviour. Most people wouldn’t send thousands to a romance scam.

I also wonder how these vulnerable, crazy people have so much money to give!!

I did get a friend request from a minor celebrity, was the star of a tv series awhile ago.

Haha… some key differences to your Johnny Depp, though.

• I went to school with this person
• I doubt he’d be the first celebrity that comes to mind when a scammer picked someone to impersonate (his series wasn’t exactly ‘Friends’ successful
• His FB posts are full of pics of his family, including his very beautiful wife and cute puppy.
• He’s never asked me for a loan, been kidnapped, hasn’t been waiting for his royal title, or offered to come visit me if only he had the money

I've never been scammed but I have absolutely done some stupid things when my vulnerabilities were subjected to it. I really can't be certain that I'd never ever fall for a scam because I'm so clever and morally righteous. Possibly because I'm too stingy...

I never think I couldn't be caught by a scam. Everyone has vulnerability of some sort.

• the people who get caught up in MLM schemes
• the people who fall for crisis scams where they are rushed into doing something
• the people who fall for lottery scams
• the people who fall for investment scams
• the people who fall for 'make £££s in your spare time while working from home' scams

From what I have seen the romance scams can involve a bit of all of the above scams.

People don't admit to having been scammed because that means admitting they have been taken in. Also there can be a little bit of the conspiracy theory mindset - you're telling me it's a scam because you are jealous/want to take my money

People are vulnerable in all sorts of ways, and not just to romance scams. In another life I did a lot of work with victims of fraud. Advance fee frauds, whisky frauds, champagne frauds. These are all frauds that play on the victim's blind spot. Most of the victims were intelligent people who'd built up a reasonable cache of savings. The problem wasn't that they weren't intelligent. The problem was that they wanted to believe what they were being told, whether that's "you're so beautiful that someone who normally wouldn't be likely to be interested in you cannot stop thinking about you" or "you could have £2m in your bank account tomorrow if you let me move £20m into it for a few days", or "you're a smart, savvy investor who's come across a brilliant chance to make some cash in a very impressive and exciting way".

It doesn't do to sneer at the people who fall for these frauds. They're just humans whose human strings got pulled by the wrong person at the wrong time. You could be the most competent CEO ever and completely blind to the fact that a romance scammer is stringing you along.

It’s nearly 2024. We should have evolved past this thinking and financially, academically and socially successful women should have enough self esteem to not fall for a very over the top, completely unrealistic romantic fantasy.

We won't and we never will. However successful and full a life, romantic and sexual longing can never be erased. They are too intrinsically human. It should be a sign of just how powerful they are that such a successful and active woman could still be so vulnerable in this regard.

I watched a video the other day of an American woman who was convinced that one of the male actors from Stranger Things was in touch with her.
I think she started to catch on but didn't want to lose face or lose the very small chance that it turn out to be true 🤨.
She sent him money because his girlfriend was controlling and he had no way to access it.
She even divorced her husband so they could get married once he got himself out of his girlfriendd clutches.

I take your point, but what I'm saying is that it's about creating a context and a dynamic (and I do think "in a relationship with Brad Pitt" is oversimplifying how the vast majority of romance scams work). These scams often work on another whole culture of everyone needing love and, of course, proving you aren't a heartless arsehole by withholding money when the person who made you feel special claims to need it.

People are acting as if victims just hand the money over with no context and no dynamic, and that's very rarely the case. The married woman constantly propping up her abusive layabout is sacrificing herself and her kids to fulfil whatever delusion or pressure she has - makes a few grand look a bit more understandable.

There are genuinely vulnerable people but I’m sick of hearing that a middle aged woman who is single is “vulnerable” and “lonely”. Being single doesn’t and shouldn’t mean lonely. The woman OP refers to had a great career, close family and an active social life. Plenty of people are married but extremely lonely because they have none of those things. It’s nearly 2024. We should have evolved past this thinking and financially, academically and socially successful women should have enough self esteem to not fall for a very over the top, completely unrealistic romantic fantasy. Especially when people they have known and loved for decades are telling them again and again that it’s a scam. There absolutely is an element of wilful cognitive dissonance going on.

Victims who want millions of dollars from a ‘hush hush’ scheme to move fortunes around or men and women who send money to besotted lovers they’d never heard of have absolutely nothing in common with women being sexually assaulted because they wear short skirts.

It’s not victim blaming to say that people shouldn’t believe ludicrous stories.

I don’t think thats the same at all.

If you have married someone , had kids with them, give up your career to promote their etc you have a lot invested. Plus there is a whole culture telling you that your kids need their dad and it’s every woman’s dream to be married.

It’s very hard ( of not impossible ) walk out of you have young kids and not enough money to keep a roof over their heads.

Its not the same as accepting that you are actually in a relationship with Brad Pitt and you need to stop sending him cash.

@TheAverageJoanne i personally think they are all stupid idiots!!! how they managed to get through life while being so stupid is beyond me!!! they deserve to lose their money if they cannot look after it!!

Yes, because THAT is the point of the thread 🙄ffs

Emotionally vulnerable people are more exploitable. People who are lonely, or have lost a pet/job/relative, in debt, unemployed, unwell etc are more likely to fall for scams. That's been well studied.

And, yes, some people are just more naturally credulous than others.

But that doesn't make them any less of a victim! Blaming them for their "own stupidity" is surely the same line of logic which holds that a woman wearing a short skirt "is just asking for it". The cause of people being scammed is scammers.

Yes, them too, and all the other predatory types!

Theres definitely an ego thing going on:

Why is this gorgeous 20 something year old hanging off the everyword of me who is fat and 50?

Hmm yes. Why is that?

Yeah i dont get it you wouldn't gove ur life savings to some random person down the pub who says i love you n goves u a sob story so why gove it to some person u never met n only sent a few text messages to then cry the victim u eother more money then sense or darwin just not round to u yet

I agree. And furthermore I've been hearing ads on the radio for companies set up to "recover" what people have been scammed out of. It goes unsaid that it will be recovered from the victims bank, not from the scammer, and the company which chases it will take a large cut of what is recovered.

@BarmyFotheringay I agree it's horrifying - for people at both ends of the scam.

Banks have made it easy to transfer money which is nice for legitimate retailers and service providers but it's also nice for murderers, warlords, and plunderers and thanks to global financial networks and global communication networks they are applying their time honoured techniques of compelled industry through trafficking, exploitation and extortion on a scale and breadth not previously seen.

I haven't seen that particular documentary; looks interesting. BBC3 does some good work on these kinds of issues imo.

@WhatsTheUseOfWorrying I laughed about Barry Gibb too 😀

I remember that. There was quite an age difference too wasn't there. I felt terrible for them as they were powerless to prevent it, though they did try.

There are scams and scams. We could all be the victims of some fraud or other. It depends how it’s done, what information the fraudster has, who they are, and so on.

Internet romance and wealth scams - the out of the blue sort - do, though, rely on vanity and greed. I do not feel sorry for men who lose money to ‘Ukrainian lovelies’ or women who do the same for ‘Jason Statham’ (Barry Gibb? WTF?) or those who send money to release $15m from the US Lottery Settlement Account.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=LNF-9CXSS4o

This is now really big business. Watch this BBC programme. The 'scammers' are now victims themselves.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001jw0s
Absoutely horrific.