Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not send in a packed lunch?

431 replies

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:35

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

OP posts:
Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 19/12/2023 17:05

Hi, I haven't read the full thread as saw it was becoming a bit of a pile on. Just want to say I know how frustrating it can be to make a pack lunch and for it not to be touched. We had various issues. Eventually she moved to school dinners which she ate. They are now "disgusting" after a year and she eats a pack lunch.

She is six but only has half a sandwich. She was leaving half which was annoying. She told me she wasn't hungry enough for a full one. So now when it is a sandwich being made it is cut into two. One half in lunch box the other in fridge ready for the next day.

If he isn't touching his food I don't see why the sandwich can't be used for the next day? If a cool pack is going in the lunch box and the lunch box has been kept in the fridge I find everything is perfectly fresh and can be used the next day if not eaten.

Good cool insulation lunch box and great food storage could be your solution.

Food safety police may be onto me here but my child has never been ill and the food looks, smells and tastes perfectly fresh.

Needmorelego · 19/12/2023 17:03

@Unpackedlunch what is the difference between the nursery and pre school? Usually once a child is in pre school they no longer attend a day-care nursery.
What makes the set up different? Does he only associate pre-school as somewhere you go to play? Which is maybe why he doesn't want to stop and eat.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 19/12/2023 16:47

I've been thinking back to dc's preschool days and that I didn't give lunch unless they were there for the full day. Morning session 9-12, afternoon session 12:30-3:30. Only the dc staying the whole day had lunch, and that was generally just the older ones so they were getting ready to be sat longer for school lunches. Less distracting.

zingally · 19/12/2023 16:46

I understand the frustration, but not sending him in a lunch at all is... not how this parenting malarkey works.

Maybe send something else in place of the crisps, and see how he does.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:29

Agreed, he isn’t a baby.

OP posts:
PastelHouses · 19/12/2023 16:29

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:29

I’d disagree to be honest. He’s eating fine at home, nursery, out and about. It’s literally just preschool and that is probably a combination of a packed lunch and the fact that he’s expected to eat when he comes in, as others have said.

I have no issue and respect that others insist on the table or nowhere etc but (sorry to sound bossy!) I’m not going to be changing what I’m doing in respect of this.

OP posts:
Lordofmyflies · 19/12/2023 16:27

In the gentlest way OP, your way of parenting isn’t working though. You have a child who cannot sit still and eat unsupervised or independently.
sitting at a table and eating with others independently is so important. Firstly for safety, allowing him to move around with food in the mouth is dangerous. Secondly, for social interaction and communication skills. As a society, we sit down and eat and in 18 months time, he will be expected to do that at school without getting up and leaving the table. It is also known that children who sit down and eat with the family have less issues with food. weight management and food related mental illnesses in later life.

SecondUsername4me · 19/12/2023 16:26

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:23

He eats fine at nursery. It is preschool where we’re having a problem. It may settle, it may not.

Oh Nursery and Preschool is the same thing round my way.

How often is he at either of them? What foods do you pack on Nursery days?

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:23

He eats fine at nursery. It is preschool where we’re having a problem. It may settle, it may not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:22

Will have to give it time @Katrinawaves . If it really isn’t working with the preschool we’ll have a rethink.

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 19/12/2023 16:22

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:19

@PastelHouses for some parents where their child eats is primary importance. For me, it’s what he eats and how much. We don’t all parent to the same set of beliefs or values. For my part I really don’t give two figs where a meal is eaten as long as it is eaten.

He eats fine in cafes etc - I would actually say better than most children his age - it isn’t something I’m going to get worked up about.

Yeah but your system isn't working because you've come on here unhappy that he isn't eating at nursery - the reason he isn't eating at nursery is because (1) no one is spoon feeding him (2) they won't let him eat and walk round (3) he doesn't want to sit at the table because 5 days a week he doesn't have to

So the problem of lack of food at nursery (which is the issue you started the thread about) is a direct consequence of poor dining habits at home.

Zooeyzo · 19/12/2023 16:22

Do what works for you @Unpackedlunch nothing wrong with feeding a three year old. He's still a baby

Katrinawaves · 19/12/2023 16:22

He eats fine in cafes when you are there to encourage him but the whole point of this thread is that he doesn’t eat at pre-school where he isn’t getting that 1:1 attention!

Sallyh87 · 19/12/2023 16:21

I think sometimes MumsNet is very judgmental. Fine she is feeding her three year old. He is eating, is nourished and healthy. Whatever works.

I bet she also only makes a chicken last one meal and her salads could be at best called medium.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:19

@PastelHouses for some parents where their child eats is primary importance. For me, it’s what he eats and how much. We don’t all parent to the same set of beliefs or values. For my part I really don’t give two figs where a meal is eaten as long as it is eaten.

He eats fine in cafes etc - I would actually say better than most children his age - it isn’t something I’m going to get worked up about.

OP posts:
PastelHouses · 19/12/2023 16:15

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:13

There are a lot of us still feeding older children. Whatever gets healthy food into them is fine with me. He eats no problem at nursery, just lazy!

OP posts:
greenbeansnspinach · 19/12/2023 16:11

There will be people jumping on to criticise you for still feeding your child without a doubt. We all have our own ways of parenting, it varies between cultures too and kids usually survive and thrive whatever approach we take. It’s possible though if I can gently suggest, that still partly feeding him when he’s capable at his age of doing it himself is contributing to the issue at lunchtime.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:10

So you’re doing what works for you and I’m doing what works for me 👍🏻

OP posts:
PastelHouses · 19/12/2023 15:52

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 15:45

He does indeed have his own table and I do feed him too. Generally he will sit at his table for the first ‘half’, then get down and I feed him the rest. I realise not everyone would choose to do this but I am fairly sure it’s the best way to ensure he eats enough for now.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 19/12/2023 15:42

@Katrinawaves maybe he has a little mini table or coffee table that he stops still long enough to eat at.
Not everyone actually has room for a dining room table and they have to improvise.

Katrinawaves · 19/12/2023 15:17

How on earth does a 3 year old eat his healthy diet of porridge and blueberries, baked beans on toast and homemade chicken curry whilst running around at home and never sitting at a table to do it 🤔. I wouldn’t be able to manage to eat any of that even standing up and standing still without spilling most of it down my front!

hangingonfordearlife1 · 19/12/2023 15:12

@JANEY205 where do you live? in uk 4/5 is school age

Swipe left for the next trending thread