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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just not send in a packed lunch?

431 replies

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:35

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:35

I’ve said several times he is fine in cafes and restaurants, at parties and anywhere really. I don’t insist on that home because I don’t have to. I honestly have no wish to sound argumentative but endlessly trying to make this something it isn’t is so unhelpful.

OP posts:
Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:33

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:31

It really is the setting, not the food. He’s had a few difference choices and ignores them all. I’ll have a chat with staff after Christmas if things don’t improve. If they still don’t improve may have to rethink afternoon sessions for now.

So you allow him to get down from the table but continue eating, so you think pre school should also allow this nonsense?

How does that work when you're out eating? Is he the child charging around the restaurant, because he's eaten his crisps and will only sit again when the ice cream is served...

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:31

It really is the setting, not the food. He’s had a few difference choices and ignores them all. I’ll have a chat with staff after Christmas if things don’t improve. If they still don’t improve may have to rethink afternoon sessions for now.

OP posts:
DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:27

as pp a food flask with spoon -pasta/mash etc?

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:27

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:26

i weighed 6st 9lb

The relevance of this is......????

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:27

I know- just exasperation Smile

OP posts:
DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:26

i weighed 6st 9lb

Hankunamatata · 19/12/2023 19:26

Inevitable never ate lunch due to medication. So I'd send in stuff that could stay on lunch box all week mini breadsticks, popcorn, peperami, jelly fruit pots, fruit pots in juice, fruit pouch, soreen bars,

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:26

but I just wasn't hungry. I felt the same as a teenager.

yaboreme · 19/12/2023 19:25

I have this, I've started putting in less. A few crackers, cheese and a yoghurt. Less choice and if he's hungry he'll eat it.

If we revert back to not eating, I'll just send him school dinners and see if that makes a difference. Something different everyday.

Hate wasting food too but think you might be frowned upon for not sending anything Grin

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:22

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:21

@Goodlard , you’re acting like he never sits at a table when I say clearly he does at nursery, sits fine in cafes etc and yes, at home. What I don’t do is insist that once he gets down from the table there is No More Food.

Besides, he won’t be starting school until September 2025 which is what, twenty one months away? That’s a hell of a long time in the context of a young child.

So how will not sending in lunch and letting him just eat crisps assist with the transition?

Bad habits are hard to break, this is a bad habit indeed.

YABVVVU not sending a lunch to pre school for your child.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:21

@Goodlard , you’re acting like he never sits at a table when I say clearly he does at nursery, sits fine in cafes etc and yes, at home. What I don’t do is insist that once he gets down from the table there is No More Food.

Besides, he won’t be starting school until September 2025 which is what, twenty one months away? That’s a hell of a long time in the context of a young child.

OP posts:
Newlydivorcedyay · 19/12/2023 19:19

Definitely drop the crisps. My difficult to please kid takes crackers and humus/ yoghurt and fruit/ falafel and rice etc. he eats them, but if crisps were available he would definitely just eat the crisps.
Can you change up the bread? Pita instead of sandwich? Rolls?

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:19

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:15

I was very underweight. I just didn't want/need food.

Clearly you needed it if you were very underweight, that comes with health risks

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:18

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:12

He’ll be fine. He already does it, and I don’t think for a moment he is refusing to sit at the table. I think it’s more likely he sits at it, eats the crisps then wants to play.

So again, how will he cope with sitting to eat lunch at school? Particularly if you don't send in lunch to pre school? Are you suggesting you just send in lunch for a full days school?

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:17

It’s not every day, because he isn’t at preschool every day Smile he’s been doing Tuesday mornings and Thursday afternoons. Normally he doesn’t have lunch Tuesdays but did today.

OP posts:
Montegufoni2017 · 19/12/2023 19:16

I saw a post a while back and it transformed how I felt about the waste of food not being eaten time and time again. It pointed out that pages of paper with nothing more than a scribble aren’t seen as a waste when teaching a child to write/draw/colour so uneaten food shouldn’t be either when teaching a child how/what/when to eat. It’s not just about fulfilling hunger, it’s the social element of eating together, using cutlery, textures, tastes, recognising when full etc.
I get the frustration and the financial element of so much wasted food too but you obviously cannot send them in with no lunch!

No judgment but I think you need to focus more on widening your child’s food preferences, replacing some lunch ideas and have a talk with the preschool.

if I had a sandwich and crisps every single day I would get bored stiff with it. They’re not so different.

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:15

I was very underweight. I just didn't want/need food.

SecondUsername4me · 19/12/2023 19:15

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:12

He’ll be fine. He already does it, and I don’t think for a moment he is refusing to sit at the table. I think it’s more likely he sits at it, eats the crisps then wants to play.

Why not ask the Preschool what they do for lunch and what his behaviour is like during it, and see if that gives you any more info.

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:14

no lunch is a huge concern. If it's poverty we can signpost to help etc.

Stormyweathr · 19/12/2023 19:14

As a kid I wouldn’t eat anything at all I was really thin and had countless trips to the doctor to be told if I didn’t eat I would be tube fed (not the right approach but that’s what they did years ago)

that didn’t stop my mum making me a breakfast/lunch & tea everyday in the hope one day I would just eat something

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:13

My opening post says that! I really don’t want to be rude but look

Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else

OP posts:
AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 19:12

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:12

He’ll be fine. He already does it, and I don’t think for a moment he is refusing to sit at the table. I think it’s more likely he sits at it, eats the crisps then wants to play.

So he’s eating the crisps then 😂

AnneValentine · 19/12/2023 19:12

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:39

Don’t be so daft 🤣

Show quote history

Laugh all you want but I work in a secondary, if parents did not ensure access to lunch we absolutely would log a safeguarding concern.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:12

He’ll be fine. He already does it, and I don’t think for a moment he is refusing to sit at the table. I think it’s more likely he sits at it, eats the crisps then wants to play.

OP posts:
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