Page 3 | To just not send in a packed lunch?

Unpackedlunch · 2023-12-19T09:35:00+00:00

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else. I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

usernother · 20/12/2023 20:11

I know you think everyone is wrong and you are right so I'm just going to say YABVU.

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 20:10

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:06

I’m not telling anybody they are wrong. I’m saying that I’m not going to be insisting he sits at the table to eat because that means he wouldn’t eat enough. The thread is very circular and I’m not going to shift my position regardless of how many insults are flung at me

So you think the pore school and school will follow your "parenting" style!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/12/2023 20:10

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:05

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos i really don’t want to reignite the argument, but honestly “if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he’d eat it” - have I massively misunderstood, or have you?

You have. If he was allowed take his food with him when he leaves the table, he'd almost certainly eat it, given that's how it works for him at home.

At school he will have a set time he can eat and a set place. And no one to encourage him. You don't think that eating independently when and where he's supposed to is a skill he needs in life? Good luck to you and him.

Simonjt · 20/12/2023 20:10

Only on MN would eating a sandwich br a life skill.

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 20:09

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:06

I’m not telling anybody they are wrong. I’m saying that I’m not going to be insisting he sits at the table to eat because that means he wouldn’t eat enough. The thread is very circular and I’m not going to shift my position regardless of how many insults are flung at me

I'd give up, some people on here have turned you into prey and will not listen. You sound like a good mum and are doing your best.

Original poster

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:06

I’m not telling anybody they are wrong. I’m saying that I’m not going to be insisting he sits at the table to eat because that means he wouldn’t eat enough. The thread is very circular and I’m not going to shift my position regardless of how many insults are flung at me

OP posts:

Original poster

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:05

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos i really don’t want to reignite the argument, but honestly “if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he’d eat it” - have I massively misunderstood, or have you?

OP posts:

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/12/2023 20:03

OP, you're determined not to listen to people. I can almost guarantee you that if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he'd eat it. But he's not and you don't think that maybe he should learn that he needs to stay at the table without prompting in order to eat for when he's there more regularly or when he starts school?

The overwhelming response here is that's what needs to happen. Don't ask for advice if you're just going to tell people they're wrong.

Ap42 · 20/12/2023 20:03

I used to send my daughter with small finger sandwiches, fruit and yogurt. She was 2 when she started nursery, so I kept portions small. Some kids can feel.overwheled with a large lunch..keep it small and interesting.
You can't just not send him lunch, you need to speak to the nursery and try to find ways around it. If you allow him not to eat lunch at this age, then that will become his norm all throughout school life. If either of my children are only eating the crisps/biscuits in their packed lunch box then I remove them the following day, making them more likely to eat the better stuff in their lunch.

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 20:02

Passingthethyme · 20/12/2023 19:31

It's good to teach your children basic life skills at a young age to help them later on in life, don't you think?

Show quote history

It's also good to teach children about reading comprehension and not jumping to conclusions without taking in the facts, don't you think?

Original poster

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 19:59

The thread has gone a bit bonkers and while I disagreed with another poster I do agree I was spending way too much time on it yesterday.

I wouldn’t seriously contemplate starving DS. I might give lunch before or after preschool, or provide a couple of snacks rather than make a lunch. I would let the staff know in that instance so those telling me social services will be involved - no, they really won’t.

It is a bit exasperating making food that doesn’t get touched but it isn’t that big a deal.

DS does attend a setting where he is fed. At the moment he only attends preschool for one morning session, where the children don’t eat lunch, and one afternoon, where they do. After Christmas he’ll be doing two afternoons which is why I’m a bit worried. Missing lunch once a week isn’t great but fine in the scheme of things. Twice, not so much. But this is also why the advice of keeping what he didn’t eat for the next day doesn’t work as he doesn’t attend two consecutive days.

As for the sitting at the table thing - I really am not concerned about this. He sits at nursery, in cafes, restaurants and so on, he sits at church once a month for the children’s service, he has sat through theatre performances and so on. Enforcing very strict rules about only eating at the table work for some families and I respect that, but here, it doesn’t and I don’t think there’s much more to be said about that.

OP posts:

Passingthethyme · 20/12/2023 19:31

Julimia · 20/12/2023 19:29

Why should he learn to eat a sandwich at nursery or at all ?

It's good to teach your children basic life skills at a young age to help them later on in life, don't you think?

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 19:30

Katywester · 20/12/2023 19:08

Oh my goodness yabvu.
you only have an hour to yourself each day and taking 5 minutes out of that to make your child a lunch is too much work!!
priorities.
your child needs dinner daily whether he eats it or not.
have you asked him what he would like in his lunchbox?
im shocked that you cba to make child a lunchbox

Have you actually read the thread?

Julimia · 20/12/2023 19:29

Why should he learn to eat a sandwich at nursery or at all ?

Katywester · 20/12/2023 19:08

Oh my goodness yabvu.
you only have an hour to yourself each day and taking 5 minutes out of that to make your child a lunch is too much work!!
priorities.
your child needs dinner daily whether he eats it or not.
have you asked him what he would like in his lunchbox?
im shocked that you cba to make child a lunchbox

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 19:05

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 21:08

I've 3 children. Not one educational institution has ever permitted crisps because of healthy eating school status.

Anyone who uses the words educational institution comes across as having real problems to me

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 19:02

Dibdob27 · 20/12/2023 18:51

Its actually not daft. Neglect is real.

Odfod and rtft

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 19:01

OP please ignore the sanctimonious twats on here gagging at the bit to have a go at you. They don't have the brains to chat with you and try to help. It seems they prefer to believe in their own unfulfilled superiority complexes and use them as an excuse to put the boot in over and over again. Never trust the words of the bitter and twisted.

Dibdob27 · 20/12/2023 18:51

Its actually not daft. Neglect is real.

Startyabastard · 20/12/2023 18:47

Sorry if this has been said before, but can you ask the advice of the nursery? They know how kids work.

TheSnowyOwl · 20/12/2023 18:46

Surely if you send him in with a piece of fruit, crisps, and a sandwich you can carry on sending in the same packed lunch for several days of its uneaten so it’s hardly wasting food. Just eat the piece of fruit yourself when it’s getting to the end of its ripeness or send in raisins and substitute the sandwich for a packet of breadsticks. The same meal will then last for months without going out of date. That way he has a meal if he is hungry but if he isn’t then it’s not wasted.

VeneziaJ · 20/12/2023 18:39

Is there an option to pay for cooked lunches? Perhaps he is not a fan of sandwiches? Maybe chat with the nursery staff to see whats going on at lunchtime, is he distracted and not eating are they offering snacks in the day which he fills up on? Very small children are often grazers and maybe he is filling up at snack time? The 5 year old in our house went to a nursery that provided cooked lunch and dinner and fairly substantial morning afternoon snacks such as crumpets and fruit or rice cakes. He rarely came home hungry

Jack80 · 20/12/2023 18:05

Speak to nursery to see why he is being allowed to eat his treat first.

ChihuahuaMummy · 20/12/2023 17:39

@CecilyP It was just a suggestion.

phoenixbiscuits · 20/12/2023 17:39

My daughter didn't eat at nursery and TBF they provided the food (cost covered within fees) so I didn't have the hassle, but I'd have been furious if they hadn't offered her anything. She was refusing food she loves at home, like chicken, fish, rice and chips. Her key worker thought it may be the way it was being cooked, then a couple of days later she ate exactly the same food, cooked exactly the same way. If he's leaving food, I'd probably give him smaller amounts so half a bag of crisps and half a sandwich. Tbh my daughter would come home and eat a meal at 4pm and then dinner with us at 6.30pm and she did ok 😂