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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just not send in a packed lunch?

431 replies

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:35

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

OP posts:
BlazingJune · 19/12/2023 12:49

It's taken over 200 posts before you have said he doesn't sit at a table at home to eat, but I expect him to at pre school.

Can you see the connection?

I'm sorry but you ought to be establishing a proper pattern of eating food in the home.

If he eats 'on the go' and isn't learning to sit at the table with you or anyone else, how can you expect him to at school?

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:47

I have taken advice, just not every piece of advice. Forcing him to sit at a table just means he eats barely anything, so I’m happy for him to eat on the go. He’s fine sitting at the table at nursery, so unsure what’s different at preschool but I’ll happily continue with the sandwich and fruit for a while. If he still continues not to eat it we can have a rethink.

OP posts:
unvillage · 19/12/2023 12:45

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:41

We won’t be sitting at the table. I’m not going to enforce that one because it simply isn’t important to me. What is important is that he a) eats a decent amount and b) eats healthy food. For others, where they eat it is more important. We’re all different.

@SleepingStandingUp what? Sorry - I’m genuinely flummoxed there.

@JANEY205 preschool is for children around age 3. In any case he does attend nursery a couple of days a week.

Well, there you are. He wants to eat while playing and running around like he does at home. Preschool obviously won't allow that for safety reasons. So he doesn't prioritise eating.

If you're not going to take any advice, what's the point of this thread?

easylikeasundaymorn · 19/12/2023 12:44

Some of these replies are just hilarious you're going to "starve" him by not providing him with food he's not going to eat, how does that work? Not to mention nobody has ever starved from going, what 5-6 hours without food!

If its the time thing that's an issue and you've already noted the comments that a whole sandwich might be too much for him just make up two/three "normal" cheese sandwiches, cut into fourths, stuck in the freezer and take out 2 fourths a day. By lunchtime it will be defrosted. That way if he doesn't eat it you're not wasting time every morning and only wasting 3 or four slices of bread a week. If he then starts eating it of course you can then start making nicer/fresher things but if as it seems to be he isn't hungry and is choosing not to eat then I agree with you there's no need to waste loads of food as long as he has SOMETHING as a back up if one day he is hungry.

Then just send in the same tangerine/baby bel or whatever with it every day until it goes off -if he's hungry he'll eat it if not its only a few items a month wasted.

Blueroses99 · 19/12/2023 12:44

Haven’t RTFT but my DC’s school has a ‘lunch’ club where a small group of children are taken to a smaller, quiet room to eat away from the main group. If the problem is that he is getting distracted, this could help. In the lunch hall, children would be sent back if they tried to go to play before they had eaten enough so I’m surprised this is allowed in pre-school!

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:44

Thanks @Snowonthebeachx , glad it improved for you Smile the sad little sandwich may get eaten yet, then!

OP posts:
Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 12:43

I wonder if he likes picky bits.

My DD is ND and prefers small bits of food at school. rather than eating a full sandwich or apple.

So she’ll have things like fruit cut up, sliced veg, mini sausage rolls, mini pretzel bites etc.

Its finding the balance between actually eating something and being healthy.
I would prefer for to her to actually eat rather than eat healthily, especially if she eats ok at home.

Sallyh87 · 19/12/2023 12:43

Kids and food are very frustrating!

I too hate waste but have had to get over it. Yes it would be unreasonable to send him in with nothing. You would look bad and you are also not given him the option to eat.

Just press on, he will get used to it and hungrier and it won’t be wasted.

Also, I really don’t think an occasional bag of crisps is very bad!

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:41

We won’t be sitting at the table. I’m not going to enforce that one because it simply isn’t important to me. What is important is that he a) eats a decent amount and b) eats healthy food. For others, where they eat it is more important. We’re all different.

@SleepingStandingUp what? Sorry - I’m genuinely flummoxed there.

@JANEY205 preschool is for children around age 3. In any case he does attend nursery a couple of days a week.

OP posts:
AmethystSparkles · 19/12/2023 12:41

My two used to love crusty bread rolls from the Co-op…maybe try something like that?

The point is that a) he’ll never start eating the lunch if he doesn’t have one and b) he won’t feel cared for and he might look back and remember that he only got crisps in his packed lunch…he won’t remember why.

Snowonthebeachx · 19/12/2023 12:40

My DS didn't eat much at preschool for the first few months and has only really started recently. It's a new environment for them. Also he might not be hungry yet if its an afternoon session. Our preschool would try him with the lunch box later though and I'd put in lots of snacky stuff like oat bar/ yoghurt/ crackers/ dairylea dunkers and the dreaded crisps! He doesn't really eat his sandwich but he still gets a small one. I mean it literally takes 2 minutes to make so if I was trying to carve out time for myself I wouldn't be cutting that! I'd be amazed if you were allowed to send him in with no lunch.

JANEY205 · 19/12/2023 12:38

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:36

He doesn’t eat at the table at home but is fine at cafes and at nursery so I doubt that’s a problem.

Why? Start with giving him similar lunches at home and sitting at the table. If you don’t model for him why do you expect he can suddenly do it with even less monitoring?! This thread is so bizarre.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2023 12:38

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:57

My time IS important and a lot of it is spend cooking healthy meals - that he eats. It’s that which is key. I suppose it’s a bit like say washing and making a fancy bed if your child refuses to sleep there - it’s pointless and ritualistic.

So tell his father you've tired of his ingratitude and refusal to eat the food you make for him, so it's his time. He can't make the lunches twice a week and free you up to live your best life.

PastelHouses · 19/12/2023 12:38

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/12/2023 12:38

Maybe he’s just not that hungry?

JANEY205 · 19/12/2023 12:38

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:15

Yes, but I am.

It isn’t that he dislikes the food - it’s simply that he’d rather play. If I sent him in with a chocolate bar and crisps he’d probably eat lunch mind but that would be neglectful, I’d say.

As it is, on days when he doesn’t eat lunch - although it’s provided - I give him a banana at 3, then he has dinner at 5.

No not feeding your child and not being arsed is the neglect part. I’d care far less about child in my care eating a junk lunch vs not having one and I’d be calling you daily to insist you bring a lunch!

Why is he at preschool at age 3? Sounds like nurseries a better fit and he may be too young for preschool yet. I thought the normal age to go is 4 or 5…

Missingmyusername · 19/12/2023 12:37

Sunshineclouds11 · 19/12/2023 09:42

What does he eat at home?
Send that in.

I was thinking this. OP says too much going on so he doesn’t bother.
You will need to send something in OP. You’ll be on the watch list!
Ask the staff and see what they say, I think they’ll tell you that must send a lunch regardless .

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:36

He doesn’t eat at the table at home but is fine at cafes and at nursery so I doubt that’s a problem.

OP posts:
CecilyP · 19/12/2023 12:36

Snugglemonkey · 19/12/2023 12:12

You are not doing it to tock a box and your time is not more precious than your child's wellbeing. You need to keep trying things until you find a lunch he will eat.

Show quote history

Except he won’t eat lunch because there is nobody to ensure that he does, and he’d rather be playing.

OP, on your other thread, you say he does afternoons. If so, could he have some sort of brunch before you go? You also say he has a snack while there. Can you say how the day pans out? I doubt he’ll starve anyway!

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:36

They haven’t @BlazingJune no. As I’ve said, I’m not sure what is normal for a preschool and the overwhelming consensus when I asked on here was that it was unreasonable to address with staff, so this thread is a bit of a volte face. I think it’s a common problem but just not ideal.

OP posts:
unvillage · 19/12/2023 12:35

Is he still doing just the afternoon sessions? We always find that children who come in for lunch struggle with it. Because they're expecting to play, and instead they have to sit down to eat before the afternoon session starts.

Can you just cut the preschool lunch and send him for the afternoon session? My preschool offers that option.

Someone will be encouraging him to eat btw. But we can't force them. If he doesn't want to sit at the table we can't exactly restrain him...

A few years ago I had a 3 year old key child who refused to sit. He was used to being able to eat while playing at home. It took months before he would sit and eat his lunch. I started by sitting next to him for literally 30 seconds, he'd shove a handful of food into his mouth then get down. Sometimes he'd pop back for more. It was hard enough persuading him to stay seated until his mouth was empty, let alone sit still for another bite of sandwich. It was a very very gradual process. Eventually he got to the point where he could willingly sit for lunch and I could leave him to it. Serious question - does your son eat sitting at the table at home?

BlazingJune · 19/12/2023 12:34

Have the staff never come to you and said that your son won't eat (except crisps)?

You are paying them to care for him.

They ought to a)notice b) talk to you and c) try to help him integrate more.

mumonthehill · 19/12/2023 12:34

Ds never ate his lunch, at pre school or school, but everyday i sent one in. He sometimes took a bite here and there but it never ever crossed my mind not to send it in.

Topsyturvy78 · 19/12/2023 12:34

Get a food flask keeps food warm for 8 hours.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:33

Hope so @Leavethebathalone ! It’s very ‘ds’ though, he isn’t hugely motivated by or interested in food.

OP posts: