Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

They are setting you up to fail.

They knew you wouldn't get the baby spend Christmas Day with strangers. They just need to be able to tell themselves that it's all your fault. That they try to see the baby but you stop them.

They don't want to be real family to the baby. They want to show him of to extended family and social media, then ignore you both for another year.

Block them and live your life with the baby.

@confusedex2

no is a full sentence lovely.

if they want to see baby, they can come to you

Offer for them to visit you on Christmas eve or boxing day. If they so desperately want to give presents to the baby they've not bothered with until now then they'll surely be happy to travel.

Prioritise your baby. These people clearly don't care, they are likely the kind to want a few fun moments in the early years then disappear once baby is past the cute stage.

It's not worth your baby spending 6+ hours confused and upset, not able to feed properly (assuming like a lot of breastfed babies is still fairly reliant on milk at that age), 4 hours of which in the car with someone who can't even be bothered to see the baby so would likely turn music up and keep driving if baby is crying the whole way.

You have to stand up for your baby. If it wasn't something you'd agree with letting any other distant relative do then don't do it. These people haven't made any effort so by their choice the baby doesn't know them more than any other stranger, and on top of that they don't even seem like nice strangers.

I wouldn't put you and the baby through that on Christmas day, they'll expect it every year. You won't be able to enjoy yourself or have a drink and all that travelling isn't fair.

So their alternative is still for the baby to spend 4+ hours in the car? 🙄@They are not thinking of the baby, only themselves.

This is also a very fair point. Not much of a first xmas for a baby.

He's now asked if maybe I could just bring baby to them for a couple of hours in the evening so they can see her, with me there too.
Nah, just tell them "Since I went to you the last 2 times, I'm goin to stay here for xmas and you can come to me if youd like to".
Done. They wont agree to it and you'll probably be left alone for xmas. If they ask again, repeat the same sentence. Dont budge.

As someone suggested earlier just respond children are for life, not Xmas.
They want to start playing daddy/grandparents after all the shit they have put you through, they can start next year step by step.

Evenings with one year olds are not usually fun. What time does your baby go to bed?

here’s an idea for an answer “ha ha ha, no”

as PP said, they haven’t made an effort, they don’t care, they won’t care, they have been clear about that. Interest inf that it’s all coming from him, isn’t it?

i bet he’s making their whining up. If I was a granny that wanted to see her estranged and previously unwanted grandchild I’d go to the trouble of sending you a nice Christmas card and apology, or maybe even a text. She’s not doing that, because it’s too much trouble, because you two are not worth it. Which is cruel and unfair and inhumane but some people are dicks.

Just stop indulging him. Make your own plans and have a lovely day with your wee one.

“ha ha ha, NO”. Practice in the mirror and stop letting him waste your time with this nonsense. It’s perfectly simple, Breastfed babies don’t soend time away from their mum. If they want to visit that’s great, otherwise, no.

he says the day to day is your own fault as they didn’t want you to have the baby?

id tell him to fuck off, if you don’t want the baby day to day you can’t have him at Christmas.

Argh. Replied twice.

So their alternative is still for the baby to spend 4+ hours in the car? 🙄@They are not thinking of the baby, only themselves.

I would reply saying 'No, I cannot bring the baby to you. My offer of seeing the baby at my place still stands'. It is not unreasonable for you to refuse to put your baby through all the travelling and not inconvenience yourself on Christmas Day.

Oh please PLEASE stop listening to him. They are not going to be heartbroken. He's manipulating you.

Loads of us are telling you to just say no to him. You know that what he wants isn't right. Dozens of people on here are backing up your point of view.

Stand up to him on this or he'll have broken you down this time and his demands will get worse. I showed you the broken record technique. Use it, instead of letting him argue with you and break you down. "No, I'm not doing that". End of.

Broken hearts? People who didn't want you to have your dc? Bonkers..

He's now asked if maybe I could just bring baby to them for a couple of hours in the evening so they can see her, with me there too.

How about he offers to bring them to visit the baby?

If he or they really cared, they’d put themselves out. They’re just making demands and expecting you to fit in with what is easiest for them.

funny how his extended family’s hearts have been absolutely fine with not seeing the baby in the last 10 months.

If they cared, they’d have made the effort. Not waited til Christmas Day and wanted an extra decoration for the event.

STBXH’s extended family have never met our DS, who is 3 years old now. Sometimes STBXH tried to pull emotive bullshit about this nonsense (this year his martyr-piece is that he’s not seen his brother for a year, wah! Wah!) as I suspect even he is coming to the realisation that, if his siblings gave a fuck about meeting their youngest nephew, they’d have visited him at some point in the last 3+ years. So he’s pinning his sympathy act around how he hasn’t had the chance to drive down and visit his brother in the last year.

It’s all bollocks. People who come out of the woodwork making demands and expecting to be the centre of attention only on special occasions are just chancers. There’s no reason why they couldn’t visit on a wet Saturday afternoon in February.

Just say no.

They can come and visit the baby with their son for a couple of hours at your convenience, or not at all.

They have no right to ask you to do a four hour round trip on Christmas day so they can play Disney grandparents to the child they wanted you to abort, with whom they have no relationship.

break their heart oh give me strength! This the family that wanted the baby aborted and having bothered two cents for the last ten months- how on earth can not giving a pressie break their heart! They just want to look good on sm. stay strong and say no!

Then he cannot complain that he doesn’t get to take baby on his own.
it doesn’t really matter if it breaks family’s heart - none of them are thinking about the baby.
YOU don’t need to make anything work.
exactly, I knew I was going to be on my own, which also means I get to make the decisions on what is best for my baby on my own. Her going off with strangers and spending 4 hours in the car us not it.
you knew that you were not supportive- don’t turn around now and make claims

No way on earth I'd send my baby away with strangers for hours on any day, let alone Christmas Day. YANBU stand firm!

idiotic man.

Ignore him, he's talking through his hat. As they didn't want you to have the baby in the first place, they have absolutely no right to pick and choose when they want to see the baby, or to dictate to you what you should do at their convenience. As someone above said, it's not pay per view. Don't doubt yourself at all, you are allowing them too much space in your head. They don't need to be there!
I honestly think you should re-think your position and from now onwards, think of yourself as the only one responsible for your child and therefore act in yours and the baby's own best interests. Don't expect anything from any of these people and don't give them any concessions, either. It doesn't sound to me as if they are thinking of anyone but themselves and their own convenience.
Look after yourself and have a lovely Christmas with just you and your baby and whoever of your friends you choose to spend time with.

Right and them not wanting you to have the baby broke your heart

he’s a manipulative twat

In no universe would this be happening. Don't feel guilty op. You baby will have family IF they want to act like family which means acting in the best interests of the child and being respectful to their mother. Hell would freeze over before I apologised to them for having my baby. I hope for everyone's sake they come round as DC grows up, but if not you are all your little one needs x