Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

That's a good point. They would keep everything! Car seat, travel crib, diaper bag and supplies. I think they have no low they wouldn't stoop to hit, so OP needs to not give them stuff unless she has money to replace every single thing.

Have you read the OP’s post where she says: “…… I've no luck expressing and baby does not like bottles I've tried believe me.”???

Well they SAY they're a family lawyer. There's no proof of that, and even if they are, no indication of which country they are practicing law in.

What matters is what the baby needs, as pps have said. And they certainly don't need to be taken away from their primary source of love and comfort for several hours (including hours in a car) and handed over to a bunch of strangers.

The baby is 10 months old, as far as they are able to understand it :

The grandparents are strangers, the dad a virtual stranger
What is Christmas, it's just a day to the baby
They are unable to understand they're returning to their mother, they'll feel abandoned and probably be traumatised

Why can't these awful people understand this and have a bit of empathy? Bastards.

Oh and the grandparents have no rights anyway.

Get everything in writing OP and show you've offered contact before which has not been taken up.

Read up on separation anxiety in young children. It's very natural at your baby's age. It would be wrong to separate mother and baby at this stage

https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/toddler-tantrums-and-tricky-behaviour/clingy-babies-and-separation-anxiety-how-cope

His parents have no rights whatsoever and your ex sounds like he wouldn't know one end of a baby from the other. He wants the baby as a showpiece for Christmas Day, he's not interested in putting in the hard yards and building a real relationship.

Tell him to go piss up a rope. He can take you to court if he wants access.

They sound pretty horrible to be honest and I wouldn't want to leave my baby with them! Tell him no and that you're not discussing it any more. Then ignore any further messages!

One of tge really shocking things on this thread is that an actual family lawyer is on the side of this dreadful man and his equally dreadful parents. No insight or empathy for the 10 month old baby at all.

Nope you don't just get to take a baby you have no bond with. If he is serious about wanting to take the baby for long periods of time, he needs to build up a strong bond with her first and get used to caring for her. At 10 months, she will be having some solids and be old enough for a sippy cup and only a couple of months off having cows milk, so having a day or even 24 hours away from you is totally possible, but not just cold like that. You need time to work towards those transitions so she is used to different milk, sippy cup etc. If he seriously wants days with her, he needs to get to know her and help you work towards those transitions.

He’s only do this to get his own way .
Remember he has his own interests at heart he doesn’t have the babies .

His parent probably what to fuss around the baby at their house . Again this is about the grandparents abs the fathers wants not the babies needs .
Also OP you have wants and needs . You have stepped up and deserve to have those met he doesn’t .

Put your bath and yourself first and this doesn’t mean giving in to his selfish demands .

Have you ever heard of separation anxiety and the distress caused by taking a baby away from his primary carer for hours and leaving him with strangers?
This thread is really upsetting.

Oh this is so heartbreaking for you and your baby.
i agree, keep a record of absolutely everything. Go no contact, let the courts see you’re doing the best thing for your baby, that seemingly only you wanted!
your breastfed baby stays with you.
can see why he’s your ex, what a waste of oxygen. X

Extremely weird and manipulative to counter all of your points about him doing next to fuck all with ‘you knew you’d be alone.’ And then attempt to guilt trip you over access. It’s just a total mindfuck and if I were you I’d be a lot less accommodating about access going forward. Fix a visitation plan, through the courts if necessary and if he breaks it go for full custody with no/supervised visitation.

‘No.’ Then blank out the guilt trips. Now is the time to draw firm boundaries or you are setting up a dynamic where you let your ex call the shots. No one who cares about a baby would take them away from their comfort and safety on Christmas Day of all days. My parents are very involved and loving grandparents but they won’t be seeing baby over Christmas as we have other plans. We will celebrate as a family afterwards.

Absolutely not a chance so his parents didn’t want you to have the baby in the first place and now they want you to allow their son who is a stranger to your child take the baby to them for more than half a day with travel time
The baby is breast fed have the parents forgotten how that works
I can't believe they want an apology from you basically because you went through with the pregnancy
I take my hat off to you because I would of cut his parents off whilst I was pregnant stand your ground with them
Merry Christmas and best wishes for 2024

absolutely, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck not.

they all sound like terrible, terrible people. Manipulative self serving assholes! Forget them all. Keep your precious baby safe with you and happy on the boob.

They have clearly shown themselves to be shameful, shameless scallywags. Asking you to apologise after you’ve looked after their DGC for 10 months without so much as help from their loser son. Ugh!

wishing you well, never let anyone guilt you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with regarding your baby. I could kick a hole through the door reading these messages

This 100%.
don’t let your ex make you feel guilty. You are doing a great job bringing up a baby that he and his family keep openly telling you they don’t want. Don’t let them play with your precious baby like a prop at Christmas.
Minimise your contact with the ex- perhaps get another phone for him to message solely about agreed contact on set days.

'Just ask him how it will work with breastfeeding...'

Have you heard of a breast pump and bottles... ???

Listen to your own instincts here OP. Try to ignore the guilt trip as you have nothing to feel guilty over. You are doing what is best for your baby. You do need to put some firm boundary’s in place and stick to it as this is your life going forward from now on (sorry I don’t mean that to sound harsh) if they know what you will accept and what you except by way of your baby, hopeful you can live in peace

I've just joined this site to say this: Tell him to absolutely do one NO NO NO NO and z off.

These men that think they can pick and choose when it suits them are a growing breed and waste of space.

NO NO NO NO NO

Enjoy your Christmas Day with you baby with 0 guilt please.

GGGGrrrrrrr

Oh and the official arrangement now is that we take turns each year; one has 48 hours till 4pm Christmas day and one has 48 hours from 4pm Christmas day onwards. But actually these days my son decides what he wants to do so will see his Dad for a longer time but never over Christmas day x

I was once in a similar situation. The court wanted my son's dad to build up gradually. Keep a log of when you have suggested contact and what has happened. The baby won't have much idea what is going on. They won't know it's Christmas and they are seeing their family. They will just be confused. My son is 11 now and has a good relationship with his Dad. They always go to his Mum's or grandma's because he doesn't have a suitable place to stay. My son finds the travelling hard even though his relationship with both parents is a good one and he understands what is happening. So I would say don't feel guilty. Just keep offering access at other times x

Does baby know him?

Say no! He wants to show his baby off to family at Christmas but hasn’t put the leg work in of building a relationship. It would be at the expense of your child’s happiness. Tell him to build a relationship and maybe next year

Now block him until next year. He shouldn't get to keep spoiling your Christmas with the dc you wanted and love.

I’m not sure if this will help you op, my friend was going through similar with her ex and their parents re their child so she blocked them all on social media, her phone (including texts, wattsap, iMessage you know it) and instead created an email address solely for communication about the child and arrangements to see the child. She went through a lot and saw a solicitor who said an email address is enough. It helped her mental health so much not being harassed by them.

also, keep every single message re the fact they are implying or saying they didn’t want the baby. You’ll never know when you’ll need them.