Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

490 replies

confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 17:04

I have a DC with my ex who is 10 months old.

Ex has never had DC alone and sees them sporadically (once went almost 2 months without a visit) although has been getting better recently.

Exes parents have also only seen DC a few times. I've offered and invited them to things, offered to meet, but they've not taken me up on offers.

Ex wants to take DC to his parents for half the day on Xmas and thinks it's his and his parents right to have baby there on Xmas Day.

I've offered ex and his parents to come here and visit DC, but he thinks I'm being unreasonable to not let him take baby. His parents live 2 hours away and I'm also still breastfeeding.

Ex isn't on the BC. He does pay maintenance now though (after I went to CMS).

AIBU? Thanks

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 18/12/2023 17:19

Yup they would so on that basis I’d say fuck em all and go via a contact centre for all future contact. You’ve been more than fair he can’t just take a baby he basically has no relationship with and doesn’t have the facilities to feed him.

Original poster
confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 17:17

They've said the reason they don't see the baby is they don't want to be around me. They think I owe them an apology for the "stress" I put them through when I was pregnant (they didn't want me to have the baby).
I never had anything to do with them when I was pregnant I spoke to them twice and they never tried to be involved. I'm in my 30s not a child and so is their son.

I get they don't want to see me but I've also been trying to get their son to build up a relationship with DC then he could take the baby on his own but he hasn't done this.

The thought of my baby being confused or upset on Xmas makes me so sad.

If they really cared and really wanted to see DC they'd come here wouldn't they?

OP posts:
Treesinmygarden · 18/12/2023 17:16

Most definitely NOT!

Whattodo112222 · 18/12/2023 17:16

Absolutely not. End of conversation.

comfyoldcardi · 18/12/2023 17:15

Your baby would be terribly distressed. Doesn't that occur to him? Doesn't he care?

jeaux90 · 18/12/2023 17:14

It's a hard no. They are welcome to yours but these are basically strangers to your child.

OhmygodDont · 18/12/2023 17:14

Nope a breastfed baby his never had on his that his actually barely seen over two hours away for half a day nope nope nope.

If he cared about his child he would be happy to come to you. His using baby as a Christmas Day look at me prop.

Original poster
confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 17:14

He says I am denying my baby their family. But I've offered for them to see the baby if they come to us. He's making me feel so guilty.

OP posts:
WellThatWasUnfortunate · 18/12/2023 17:12

he is BU to expect to take baby 2 hours away from his mum on his own after spending a little time with together. Baby doesn’t know him. plus you are breastfeeding.
him and his parents are entitled to nothing. Spending time with baby at Christmas is a privilege they need to earn by being present in their life the rest of the year.

Mumoftwo1312 · 18/12/2023 17:11

he thinks I'm being unreasonable to not let him take baby

Let him think whatever he likes, your baby needs you, op!

WhatsInStoreFor2024 · 18/12/2023 17:09

Don't say 'no'..... just ask him how it will work with breastfeeding.....let him come to his own conclusion

Also 2 hours away? Ask him for timings....for half a day. He should then realise himself it's unworkable

TigerOnTour · 18/12/2023 17:07

If he's not had the baby on his own then definitely not. You've invited them over to yours so you are not withholding contact!

comfyoldcardi · 18/12/2023 17:06

YANBU AT ALL.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 18/12/2023 17:06

Of course YANBU your baby needs to be happy and comfortable. Being with strangers is not that. Redraw your boundaries

HermioneWeasley · 18/12/2023 17:06

Absolutely not. Tell him to jog on. When he’s proven himself to be a reliable adult in your baby’s life then he can take the baby for a couple of hours.