Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

I think YWBU not to let him see the child on his own for a couple of hours maybe. I presume father lives local to you and it's his parents who live 2 hours away.

A 2 hour return journey is too much for such a young child given the stage contact has reached.

Absolutely not. The only thing that is relevant here is the needs and wellbeing of the child.

You are still breast feeding so anything more than a couple of hours is not really practical. Four hours driving plus maybe two visiting, is 6 hours.

Your ex and his parents are little more than strangers to your child, who is likely to be unsettled and distressed if you aren't there.

Grandparents don't have rights to your child.

Legally your ex doesn't have rights because he isn't on the BC although obviously you don't want to get to that point in the argument.

I think you repeat your offer of hosting him and his parents for part of Christmas day or one of the other days. If he doesn't like it, he can go to court, gain PR, and build a regular relationship with his child.

I believe the phrase you are looking for is "are you on glue" closely followed by "fuck off"

Obviously this isn't happening. Stop wasting energy thinking through logistics - it's not in your baby's interest so it's not happening. Also don't offer his horrible parents to come to you. The baby doesn't know it's Christmas, he can continue building up his relationship with her and when she's ready he can take her to visit his parents but not until she's ready.

No, definitely not. Please don't feel guilty, he isn't feeling guilty about you being upset, is he?

The most important person to consider here, by a long shot, is the baby, and it's not is the baby's interests to do this trip.

The Grandparents...well they will have to be more respectful to you if they want your cooperation when it comes to visiting the grandchild that they didn't even want. this makes me so cross on your behalf, please be strong.

You’ve offered to have them over so no, they don’t get to take the baby away, especially if he/she is still breastfeeding. They sound clueless, particularly if your ex has never had the baby alone. Utterly ridiculous.

Yeah, no. Tell him it's a baby not a toy. Maybe next year if he sorts himself out before then.

"So let me get this straight. Despite me offering opportunities for both you and your parents to build a relationship with Baby, you and they would prefer that you removed Baby from their main food source for 8 hours, and consider this to be in Baby's best interests yes?"

Remember your ex & his family didn’t want you to have the baby.

they have no right to him

absolute cf

He's not on the BC, he has no rights officially, so tell him no, you are not letting your baby travel for two hours away from you on Xmas Day when you are BF. If he keeps banging on, mute him. And if his parents don't want to accept your compromise, that's on them. Frankly I wouldn't be giving them the time of day from what you've said about the back story to your pregnancy.

This.

You can feel guilty about your ex or feel guilty that your baby is going to be distressed by suddenly being passed around strangers without you present.

You are not unreasonable, hold your ground

This

and excellent username

He is trying to deny your dc it's food source and it's dm. So far your dc is doing more than fine without it's df yes? Yabu to even give his demands any head space...

A child is for life not just for Christmas

Absolutely not!!

if they want a relationship with the baby, they come to you.

you’re baby’s mum. They need to have some kind of relationship with you first!!

10 months is one of the worst times to do something like this, baby has awareness, will be insecure without knowing where you are but has no reasoning skills.

suggest he follows Dan Wuorni on Twitter, a lovely account about child development. Your ex has some learning to do.

@confusedex2 they are denying themselves the baby. Plus the baby isn’t a toy to be handed over to people who have had nothing to do with him/her. Who the fuck do they think they are? You have NOTHING to feel guilty about, on the contrary, they should feel guilty for being such shite gp’s. It must be lovely to have good gp’s, but my adult ds didn’t have any, and tbh it made not a jot of difference. Spend a lovely Christmas with the baby and don’t give them a second thought.

Absolutely not.

1 - baby is still breast feeding
2 - 4 hours total (2 there and back)in a car is a lot for a baby
3- baby doesn't even know then them!

you have give them a chance so stand firm and enjoy your Christmas Day with your baby xx

His parents have no rights whatsoever.
If your ex cared at all about the baby he would have been doing frequent, regular, short visits and learning as much as possible about parenting and putting baby's needs first.
He hasn't been doing any of that, so it appears that he and his family just want to control and upset you.

Absolutely not. They clearly just want the baby for Christmas day photo ops and so they can say they made the effort for Christmas. Keep firm, its a ridiculous suggestion for a 10 month old, breastfeeding baby anyway.

They didn't want you to have the baby! Well they might as well forget it, I'd never forgive that

Stop engaging with him.

Well it's not a half day is it, 4 hours of driving plus visiting time. I don't think he wants this and he knows its unreasonable but this way he gets to use the narrative that you are keeping him.away.

Baby is bf
4 hours is a LOT in the car for baby
4 hours is a lot in the car for him if he's never had sole care
Hes never had sole care- long distance travel over a full day is NOT the way to introduce it for the first time.

Don't feel guilty. Plenty of time for them to see him when he's older.

Just do whatever is best for your baby. You're his mum, that means protecting him from anyone else's unreasonable demands