Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

He wouldn't even know what to do with a baby - absolutely not! There is no way you can allow yourself to be persuaded into this situation. You owe them absolutely nothing. Baby needs you and you need to be with baby. A hard no and that's the end of it. How selfish and unrealistic are these people? Listen to your gut and stick to your guns. It's irrelevant that it's Christmas day, you wouldn't let him take baby off for 4 hours in a car when he hardly has a relationship with baby any other day. You do not need to feel guilty for doing the right thing by your child. You are being a good mother by saying no.

Definitely NBU. Both distressing for baby and potentially unsafe too.

I cannot imagine why you feel guilty. He is a proven unreliable parent and you have said they can come to you. Also you are breastfeeding. This whole thing just shows how irresponsible he is. A baby is for life not just for Christmas.

Not sure how he could persuade a judge he has good intentions of being a decent df when he won't be on the birth certificate..
And your baby has a family.... You.

A definite no. It is obviously just for the Christmas aesthetic. No thought for the baby's needs at all. I think you are being more than reasonable allowing them to visit you. That is more than a compromise in my opinion.

Do they? Says who?

Only experience they breast feed when upset, so taking him to a strange place, with people he didn't know is and he will want to breastfeed to self soothe.

Do you have children? You sound incredibly ill educated on the needs on 10 month old babies.

Good Lord what is wrong with you??!! 🤬.

I expect a father to show significant interest in being an active part of a child's life.
More than once a week is not "at least twice a week" but no I don't think that's unreasonable. I know dad's that have done this and made the effort to visit newborn daily, to do bedtime, to do baths, to do weaning and play games.
The point is it doesn't sound like he knows anything about childcare....which isn't unusual but he hasn't made any effort to try and learn.

Don’t non resident parents have to build up some sort of relationship with their child before taking them away from the only parent they really know? This man initially denied paternity, he didn’t volunteer child support, and wants to see the baby just when it suits him.

The OP wants to organise more contact, the father can’t be bothered except when it suits him at short notice. I’d have thought if he took her to court for regular access it would suit her more than him!

His parents have said that I have now "made a choice that will cause irreversible damage" (ex has forwarded me the text from them today).

Stand firm OP. You are being more than reasonable by offering them an alternative to their ridiculous plan. Keep a copy of all of these messages for future reference.

I've heard it all now.

Of course you should say no. Be prepared for anything you say to be used against you, though, so a nice summary as given above by @Sapphire387 could perhaps be sent in a message, just to ram it home.

He won't care anyway - all he and his awful parents care about is putting on a show for other people.

Tbh why take this to court. Just let him.have his son. U have him til 2. He be tired then. Feed him pack some.food and be back later on. At 10 month they only bf 2 or 3 times a day.

No way would I allow it. The thought of your poor baby being with strangers all day. They want to see the baby then they come to you.

His parents live 2 hours away and I'm also still breastfeeding.

That makes it a hard no then.

I'd send that summary straight to him.

He's a dick.

A 4 hour round trip on Xmas day? For a 10 month old he hardly knows?

Absolutely not!!

Please don't willingly put your baby around these illogical people who didn't want you to have your DC, offered you no support when you were pregnant but now are desperate to see your DC (surprise surprise). Give these people a wide berth.

Well put.

That’s wholly unrealistic. You expect father at least twice a week to see the child at OP’s house for a lengthy period before he can see the child on his own? Food for the lawyers.

So to summarise -

He treated you like crap during pregnancy.

His parents didn't want you to keep the baby.

He refused to go on the bc.

He denied paternity and you had to take him to court for cm.

He barely sees the child.

Your baby is still breastfeeding (which is great btw).

He wants to take the baby on a four-hour round trip on Christmas Day, 6+ hours in total.

He and his parents think YOU are the problem.

OP, they are so ridiculous it is almost laughable, if it wasn't so stressful.

So you aren't denying the baby his or her family, are you? Why feel guilty?

Yes. I agree. He needs to build trust and safety and become a secondary attachment figure.

At 10 months old I wouldn’t have been happy for DC to be with strangers to them and so far away for that length of time. No way. If the child doesn’t have a bond with any of them that’s not ok.

I think you going with would be the ideal but I wouldn’t say sorry unless I’d done something wrong either.

I think it’s fine to say no. May be suggest a meet somewhere inbetween on Boxing Day as a compromise? It’s not like DC will have any awareness of Xmas at that age.

He just wants a few Facebook picture being doting dad and his patents being doting grandparents while realistically he and they add no value to your kids life.

Apologies if this seems crass, but a baby is for life, not just for Christmas!

He needs to be an active father before he can take DD further than the end if the garden. That means regularly (more than once a week ideally)caring for her for several hours.