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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

490 replies

confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 17:04

I have a DC with my ex who is 10 months old.

Ex has never had DC alone and sees them sporadically (once went almost 2 months without a visit) although has been getting better recently.

Exes parents have also only seen DC a few times. I've offered and invited them to things, offered to meet, but they've not taken me up on offers.

Ex wants to take DC to his parents for half the day on Xmas and thinks it's his and his parents right to have baby there on Xmas Day.

I've offered ex and his parents to come here and visit DC, but he thinks I'm being unreasonable to not let him take baby. His parents live 2 hours away and I'm also still breastfeeding.

Ex isn't on the BC. He does pay maintenance now though (after I went to CMS).

AIBU? Thanks

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 18/12/2023 19:30

I wouldn't be holding my breath that he would bring your child back that day either....the car won't start / he's not feeling well etc etc etc...
Let them say or do whatever they like...but say no and ignore any ranting.

FuckOffTom · 18/12/2023 19:29

It’s a baby, not a dolly for your ex and his twatty parents to play with! The baby stays with you, OP.

GreekDogRescue · 18/12/2023 19:26

DOn’t accommodate these abusers and grow a backbone.

Noshowlomo · 18/12/2023 19:25

Ignore, but if you do want to reply I would put something together out of the great responses on here and have it clear in writing that you are not stopping contact, and now you have tried to facilitate more contact. Ask how he’d feel if a family had been awful to him and now they want to take the child for 8 hours, even though it was clear the child wasn’t wanted. Ask him. Put it on him. Twat x

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/12/2023 19:19

Completely out of the question. The very fact that he’s asking shows that he’s clueless about a baby’s needs.

If he and the GPs want to see the baby, you take him to them - or preferably, they come to you when invited.

Zoreos · 18/12/2023 19:18

Treeinthesky · 18/12/2023 18:49

Tbh why take this to court. Just let him.have his son. U have him til 2. He be tired then. Feed him pack some.food and be back later on. At 10 month they only bf 2 or 3 times a day.

You sound as stupid as the OPs ex and his parents do. 🤦🏻‍♀️

MikeRafone · 18/12/2023 19:18

and thinks it's his and his parents right to have baby

the fact he thinks this ^ tell me he isn't thinking about the child/baby but only about himself

strawberry2017 · 18/12/2023 19:16

I wouldn't trust them to bring the baby back so I'm on the side of saying no!

Zoreos · 18/12/2023 19:16

This would be the easiest and hardest no ever from me. They all sound like a bunch of absolute jokers. Want you to apologise for their son getting you pregnant? Talk about them raising a loser, your son is best off far, far away from people like this OP. They want to take him away from his breastfeeding mother with all of his belongings because they’re so shit they don’t have anything and never see him. They don’t care about him being able to feed properly or his routine or his wellbeing. They didn’t even want him in the first place but want him to play with like a new shiny toy now it’s Christmas. Find your anger, not your guilt and tell them to go fuck themselves. Absolute clowns. 🤡 Under UK law parents don’t even have rights, they have responsibilities. These responsibilities only exist when people bother to turn up to the birth certificate signing and properly put effort and love into a baby. He’s stuck to none of his responsibilities so he doesn’t get any time other what you offer. It’s as simple as that really.

Original poster
confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 19:15

In case it's relevant, both times the grandparents have seen baby it's been me that's travelled and made the effort. They've never come here or even met half way. They aren't elderly and both still work/no health issues etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 19:14

Baby does drink water from a beaker (I've no luck expressing and baby does not like bottles I've tried believe me).

I think the fact I've been on my own mainly (no family here) and my ex not around much probably hasn't helped the situation with my little one being dependent on me.

Baby still breastfeeds a lot and I do tend to breastfeed back to sleep at night too cause honestly it's just so tiring being a single parent sometimes I just need to do what is easy.

I'd be happy for him to take baby for an hour or two on his own locally, and build up from there. It just seems a long way all in one go. I don't want my little one being upset or confused.

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 19:11

wildwestpioneer · 18/12/2023 19:06

I was going to say that your ex has 50% PR, but as he's shown little interest and your baby is only 10 months old it would be a hell no from me

He's not on the BC, he has 0% PR.

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 18/12/2023 19:10

If he had visited a lot and your dc knew him I imagine a judge would expect you /him to offer beaker or cup for daytime fluids at 10 months ... Not a dc who is currently with you 24/7..he isn't covering himself in glory at all. Let him kick off op. Isn't your fault things are the way they are... Remember his dps have absolutely no rights to your dc at all. Even if he was on the bc they still don't.

Daffodil18 · 18/12/2023 19:10

I’m all for shared parenting however he’s never had him alone, it’s 2 hours away and you’re breastfeeding. He’s a typical Disney Dad. He wants him there so he can take lots of pics and upload them to SM so he looks like a really good dad!

Vinrouge4 · 18/12/2023 19:09

Absolutely no way. Don’t feel guilty.

Andthereyougo · 18/12/2023 19:09

No. You can’t send a 10 month old on a 2 hour journey to a house and people he barely knows, and won’t remember anyway if he’s only seen them a few times, that’s not a bond.
Your ex is being unreasonable and playing at being fun daddy.
Tell him and his parents they can visit Xmas day afternoon, Boxing Day, whenever suits you.

Rachaelrachael · 18/12/2023 19:08

Absolutely no chance. End of story. Don't even give this anymore head space, you don't owe them anything.

Snowdogsmitten · 18/12/2023 19:08

He can fuck right off. Flakey twat. What a failure.

BoohooWoohoo · 18/12/2023 19:07

Yanbu. They clearly see your son as a photo opportunity for Christmas. Don’t fall for the denying his family bollocks. Ex would have taken you to mediation and court if he really wanted his son to get to know him.
He’s an absolute tool not to consider the breastfeeding aspect too.

wildwestpioneer · 18/12/2023 19:06

I was going to say that your ex has 50% PR, but as he's shown little interest and your baby is only 10 months old it would be a hell no from me

Original poster
confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 19:06

@Sapphire387 has it.

@Treeinthesky I could only wish my baby breastfed only 2-3 times a day! DC loves solid food but still bf a lot.

OP posts:
Olika · 18/12/2023 19:05

Don't feel bad about saying no. And do not apologise to anybody as that's just absolutely ridiculous. Really pisses me off.

QS90 · 18/12/2023 19:03

Make peace with the fact your ex can't have your baby Christmas day, then switch off from it emotionally and mentally. Enjoy your baby's first Christmas OP x

InefficientProcess · 18/12/2023 19:02

Collaborate · 18/12/2023 18:42

That’s wholly unrealistic. You expect father at least twice a week to see the child at OP’s house for a lengthy period before he can see the child on his own? Food for the lawyers.

Show quote history

The courts are most definitely going to agree that he should be seeing the baby in little, regular bursts to build up a relationship before he gets to bigger off hours away with her.

She’s 10 months old, breastfed and barely knows the man.

If only the ‘fathers’ rights’ type of posters could actually consider the child’s needs, rather than what is most convenient for men.

MargotBamborough · 18/12/2023 19:01

confusedex2 · 18/12/2023 17:17

They've said the reason they don't see the baby is they don't want to be around me. They think I owe them an apology for the "stress" I put them through when I was pregnant (they didn't want me to have the baby).
I never had anything to do with them when I was pregnant I spoke to them twice and they never tried to be involved. I'm in my 30s not a child and so is their son.

I get they don't want to see me but I've also been trying to get their son to build up a relationship with DC then he could take the baby on his own but he hasn't done this.

The thought of my baby being confused or upset on Xmas makes me so sad.

If they really cared and really wanted to see DC they'd come here wouldn't they?

Well you and your baby currently come as a package deal because you are your baby's only caregiver.

So they'll have to decide whether they want to see the baby in your presence and on your terms, or not at all.

I'd withdraw the invitation to come and visit on Christmas Day and just spend the day as you wish.

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