Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

Playing devils advocate here

Your baby is 10 months. If he decided to take it to court a judge would consider that your baby is now presumably also on solids and would have been for the last 4 months a factor. So breast milk is not his only/main source of nutrition. I've seen cases where the mother has been told to express and that breastfeeding is being weaponised to keep the baby away from the father

I'd just tread carefully OP especially if he's the sort to get legal.

It might help if you were to see my initial post on this thread, which is that OP should consider allowing him a couple of hours. The majority of those replying on this thread seem to think that is too much. That’s unrealistic.

I have a 10 month old bf baby too. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all with him being away from me for half a day with (to him) strangers. Especially when I'm too far away to be there for him if he wanted milk.

How is seeing your own child twice a week unrealistic? Talk about scraping the barrel. If you can’t commit to something so small, how are you going to commit to raising a child.

Unreasonable to expect baby to spend 4 hours in the car.
unreasonable to expect to spend time with baby without ever being around the mother - you don’t just hand baby over to strangers.
you are denying baby family? Family are denying baby comfort and feeling safe. If they really had baby’s best interest at heart they would build up a relationship

He's just trying to have everything on his terms. Only see the baby when it suits him. You are still breastfeeding the baby. The baby hardly knows your ex. It's not fair to baby to make it go away to a strange house with a Dad it barely knows, grandparents it doesn't know and no Mum and no breast milk. Don't feel guilty you have offered for them to visit baby on Xmas day they declined. Hold firm on this one.

No way. this is not fair on the baby. She doesn’t even know him or family. If he wants contact it needs to start with a much shorter time and locally. 1 hour max and in familiar surroundings.

OP your not in the wrong here your baby has no relationship with their dad and therefore it's not in your child's best interests.

I would however be doing a lot of arse covering/future proofing.
Write it all down in an email or text message (just make sure you screen shot or save the picture somewhere) which outlines your concerns that your baby has yet to form a relationship with dad due to sporadic visiting.
You wish to build up that relationship before taking baby on their own
Your baby is bf and therefore reliant on you
4 hours of travelling time in a car seat is not recommended within a day for a baby of that age.

You offer for them to come visit or meet half way during the festive period and wish to formalise regular contact for the future in order for that bond to be there.

He will likely send you an arsey response or similar......let him your not doing this for anything other then to cover the courts if required.

Text him and say “babies are for life, not just for Christmas”.

It would be a no from me. Tell him that not only am I still BF but DS is now going through a fear of strangers phase. As you have up to this point failed to maintain a regular relationship with DS at the moment his fear of strangers includes you. I am however willing to facilitate regular contact at my home with you until I am satisfied DS is happy with you. Then and only then will I consider allowing you to take DS out without me.

So he’s willing to pick up a ten month old he barely knows, drive 2 hours factoring in the regular breaks a baby needs, take all the baby stuff, spend afew hours caring for the baby who will be incredibly upset with a bunch of strangers, no mummy and his comfort breastfeeding, then drive two hours back with more driving breaks…… firstly he’s absolutely deluded to think that’s a wise idea in the first place, secondly it would be so distressing for baby and not in his best interests, and thirdly it would make you as mum more than uncomfortable, so no absolutely not no way ever

Nope. Stand your ground and say no. You are not denying them anything as you have generously offered to host them so they can see your baby. If their priority was seeing the baby they would come round.
The priority for everyone including the grandparents should be the baby’s needs and comfort. The baby needs you, no/little travel and familiarity as in their own home, bed and comforts.

Tell them to jog on. Your baby is not a performing seal.

The only person the baby wants to be with is you. That’s true for all babies. They just want to be with their mum. The baby doesn’t know or care it’s Christmas. The baby doesn’t want to see grandparents or travel in a car for 2 hours.

Just put your baby’s needs and wants first. Nothing else matters.

I'm shocked that anyone on this thread is taking the useless tosspot sperm donor's side here.

Sadly I am not. Threads like this bring all the weird men’s rights/father’s rights types out of the woodwork.

Says who? What evidence do you have, to tell the OP she only bfs 2 or 3 times a day? Do you live with the OP? No, didn’t think so. You have absolutely no idea how often the OP’s baby (or in fact, any baby) bfs, as every single baby is unique.

To be honest, you are being incredibly stupid, to state something that you obviously haven’t got a clue about.

You are over thinking this and reacting to him. Dont get engaged in the debate with him but just be clear on parameters. I suggest you put in writing what you are prepared to do. I think you could say:

baby is still breastfeeding so cannot be apart from me for more than 3 and absolute max of 4, hours. So you can have baby for 3-4 hours on Christmas day. Please pick up DC at midday and return by 4pm at the very latest (or whatever times suit). You will need to make sure you have a suitable car seat when you pick him up or I cannot let him go with you.

Where he goes and what he does is not your problem.

Of course you want your baby to have a family, who wouldn’t. But I don’t think these are people you want as your babies family. I don’t think I would even want them around him, including the so called father. A baby is not for Christmas!
Put your guilt down and if you want your child to have a family then build him one that will care for him and prioritise him. Teach him it’s important to have the right people around you. If not, then he still has you. It’s not a case of any family being better than none.

Don’t know why but I imagine their son has spun them some sort of yarn making you out to be a monster.

get your boundaries in place, tell him to take you to court but as you’re breastfeeding and it won’t be a half day the answer is no. Also if baby ever does go, don’t provide all the stuff you’ll probably never get it back.

I'm shocked that anyone on this thread is taking the useless tosspot sperm donor's side here. All he wants is the doting dad photo op - he's made zero effort to build a relationship with his DC. That's reason enough for a hard no. Refusing to be there at registration, denying paternity - and people think this man has rights?

My DC fed a lot more than 2-3 times a day when they were 10 months. I was working full time and they were in nursery, and even then it was at least 4. On days when I was not working, it was a LOT more.

Let him have his baby that he, didn't want, denied paternity of, neglects his relationship with, and moved one hour away from?

The rock bottom standards for fathers in this country are really fucking depressing.

I wouldn't stop all contact just because if he does go to court for PR the court will order contact so the baby might as well get used to it in a safe environment.

But I would say something like this:

Dear X,

It has become clear to me from our latest communications that you and your family are only thinking of yourselves and not about what is in our baby's best interests.

I have no obligations towards you and certainly no obligations towards your parents.

I will make our baby available for contact with you every other Saturday from 2-4pm. I will remain present at all times until I am satisfied that he feels comfortable enough with you to be left alone in your care. If your parents wish to see him then they are welcome to accompany you during your contact time. But they have no separate right to see our baby other than during your contact time and I will not be taking him on a four hour round trip to see them at their house again. If they do not want to see me then that is tough; these are my terms.

I will text you on Fridays before your agreed contact time to check whether you are planning to visit. If I do not hear from you then I cannot guarantee that I will be at home if you show up.

I will obviously not be letting you take our baby away at Christmas and my previous invitation for you and your parents to come and visit on Christmas Day is no longer on the table as we will be seeing my own family.

They’re mad, he’s an arsehole - you need to protect your child from them as far as you can. No child needs family like that.

I hate them all on your behalf. They're being so unreasonable it hurts my brain to think about it.

Please tell them to get lost. Babies aren’t entertainment for Christmas Day.
I think the text they sent it shows they really aren’t worth bothering with.
Who sends their baby off for a massive trip on Christmas Day to see people they don’t know and aren’t nice to the mother.