Not letting ex take baby on Xmas Day?

Ex doesn't have rights. He has responsibilities. Of which he has shown none.. Dc has the right to know both parents.. So far your ex hasn't given your dc time to get to know him. That isn't your fault or your responsibility to nurture. You know your dc. Getting to know his dc is your way. Or no way.
Fuck Off covers a lot of bases here op.

I say this in the nicest possible way but it’s time for you to Woman Up! You are a mum
now and one of the jobs of a mum is to advocate for their child. This means being able to put aside your feelings and do (and campaign hard for others to do) what’s in the best interests of your child. It’s hard! However you need to put aside what you want, put aside guilt, put aside others expectations and genuinely consider what is best for your baby.

What does a 10m baby need to thrive? Food, love, cleanliness, cuddling, security, safety, routine…. Does any of that get enhanced or harmed by baby’s dad taking her across country? Yes, things get harmed. Is it in the baby’s best interests then? No, it isn’t.

Your ex doesn’t have rights to see baby. Baby has the right to see his/her dad and wider family IF this can be achieved without compromising the fundamentals baby needs to thrive. Your suggestion of them coming to you meets this perfectly.

Stick to your guns, don’t feel guilty. You’ll have harder mum fights ahead!!

this ^

dont do this to your baby either ! confuse the baby, send them with strangers

not fair at all

hard no!! grow some and stand up for your baby "just because its christmas" is a bullshit reason

Two hours with an unfamiliar man and no feeding?

@Collaborate so enlighten us how this having the baby for a couple of hours would work...

I have said my ex can't take him in the car until he's been to Halfords and had the car seat properly fitted by experts - he hasn't bothered doing this

True. They just want your baby so they can play the doting GPs to all their friends, with not a care for what is actually best for the baby. When they should be working on their DS to change his attitude and work at being a decent parent.

This is an insane suggestion. Whats he going to do when the baby starts crying in the car 2 minutes into the journey because shes been taken away from her mum? And then doesnt stop until she passes out with exhaustion? What about when she needs to eat? Its just crazy talk. The baby also doesn't know him or his parents from adam so its clearly not going to benefit her at all. You have been more than reasonable in offering for them to visit.

Of course they would. They could all take him out for a quick walk or something if they don't want to hang out with you - but to be honest that would be incredibly rude of them. Just keep stating what you have offered and stop caring what these nasty non in laws say or think about you. I also have a similar age baby and similar circumstances and his dad is going to take him out for a walk in the pram on Boxing Day.

But that’s how it always starts out. It’s a baby. It’s the baby’s home. The baby has a bond with its mother but hasn’t built up one with its father. If he had been a big part of the child’s life from the start maybe that would be different, but he went 2 months in 10 not seeing the child at all, and other times sporadically. The best place to begin to build a bond with a child is where they are comfortable. Which as a baby is in their home, with their primary caregiver. Only then can you start to build on that.

I'm even more annoyed by the parents than I am by him, because they KNOW that this is wrong for a baby. Selfish, awful people who do not care about your lovely baby, but would rather put themselves first.

Christmas Day is meaningless to a ten month old they have no clue about the meaning of it

also doesnt sound like he would want set dates and his parents are being pushy about christmas just so they can show off

OP you’re feeling guilty because your EX is twisting everything around on you. 10 months is peak stranger danger and they need to be around familiar people to manage this.
It’s Christmas so he thinks he can waltz in a play happy families. He can put on his big boy trousers and learn to be a parent.
Don fall into trap of doing it for him.
Cover your arse and communicate only in a format where you can have records such a text or email. Ask him how it would work, does he have what baby needs for trip, where will they stop, what is his solution to him being a stranger to the baby. Don’t say no straight out. Centre your child’s needs in your replies to him.

Spot on

absolutely not ad donmt you ever apologise either

what are they going to do go to court and say she got pregnant i didnt want it so she should apologise

tell them to do one

I suggest keeping that threatening message from his parents on record in case it comes in handy further down the line. Any more messages like that and it could amount to harassment. Grandparents have no rights of access to their grandchildren, especially as through their own choices they have little or no relationship with your child.

The fact your ex forwarded you that text to upset you says a lot about him too, none of it good.

Maybe you should keep records of all the times you have tried to facilitate contact, just in case they ever dare to claim otherwise.

Please do not ever feel guilty, you have nothing at all to feel guilty about.

Just to add he doesn't have rights. PR means parental responsibility. He can jog right on!

@Collaborate why? He's the one who moved an hour away. It would be unreasonable to expect visits at the mother's house to be a permanent thing, but as a means of establishing a bond and a routine, it's perfectly reasonable and it's what many separated couples do. This man hasn't even made the effort to start bonding with his DC. He's also refused to be there at registration and denied paternity. Choices have consequences.

No way.

Text or Email ex (suggest he passes it on to his parents) with all the billions of reasons on this thread why your position isn't going to change.

The irony of them wanting the unwanted baby on Christmas day - like it's a fucking novelty toy - is staggering.

Fuck them and fuck that.

The baby barely knows him and he lives over an hour away. She said he and his family could visit.

If it helps, I don’t think it’s about being unreasonable, if you let your baby go it would be irresponsible and unsafe.
He doesn’t know how to manage a baby in a car, can’t feed your baby, doesn’t know your baby. You really can’t let the baby go.

OP it's quite simple. Just ask yourself, who's feelings are more important; your ex and his parents, or your baby? You are your baby's voice so do what's right for him.

At 10months old he shouldn't be away from you (seemingly the only caregiver he knows) and with virtual strangers for half a day, they need to build a relationship gradually. Anyone who cares for your baby's wellbeing will see this

It’s the notion that he should only see the child at mothers house that is so unrealistic.

Am I correct in thinking he plans on spending 3 hours traveling from his home in the car to visit his parents and then 3 hours back to his own home and have the baby in the car for 4 hours?
Based on what you have said, Id half expect him to call and tell you he had a 1 beer but feels to tired to drive back, so you’ll have to come a collect the child.