Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to leave partner after having baby

33 replies

josephine2000 · 17/12/2023 06:09

I really feel as if I would be a lot happier with separating from my partner and co parenting.

I didnt have the easiest pregnancy and I had a really horrific birth with various complications which resulted in a lengthy hospital stay and a 3rd degree tear.

A month on I am still not feeling the best and my partner will make up the formula bottles daily and change nappies majority 75% of the time.

From when I left the hospital he expected me to just crack on with it which resulted in an additional infection and I have been advised by the doctor to get plenty of rest.

All he does is moan at me, he moans about having to take time of work and will moan about having no sex for 9 months.

Yeah he does do a lot but it is not for me he is helping his child as he should do.

The other day when the health advisor came round he was threatening to tell her that I couldnt cope in the hope Social Services would become involved because my parents have asked me to go and stay with them and he does not want me to take the baby away from him.

Everyday we will argue and just tear into each other.
It really is a toxic environment, I absolutely hate his guts the majority of the time.

I cannot stand his moaning a second longer.

Had it not been for me wanting help whilst I recover I would of kicked him out and changed the locks a long time ago.

I just dont see how it benefits me staying with him.
The house is in my name which I pay the rent on (he has his own place) and sometimes he will tell me to leave MY OWN house!

I pay the bills and we go halves on the baby stuff.

He gets really aggressive and says the child isnt is when I say I want the baby to have my surname, he really gets nasty.

I carried my child for 9 months with his moaning and whining so I think I am entitled to give the baby my surname.

I am just so depressed being with him, he throws everything back in my face.
"Most men wouldnt be changing nappies" he reminds me which I find really sexist.

I am thinking of contacting the police as at times he has indirectly threatened to punch me but then says he is joking.

I just dont know what to do anymore, I just want to go to back to my home town and be with my parents, uncle, aunty and cousins who have all offered to help.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
Toodles2023 · 17/12/2023 06:50

Leave Op. you don't need him. Maybe leave and go stay with your parents for a while and be safe. Report to police so it's recorded.

Original poster
josephine2000 · 17/12/2023 06:46

Yes I think I will report it to the police as he really is starting to get quite verbally abusive.

The other day he started punching the sofa and shouting at me infront of our sleeping baby.

Any support he has given me in the past if thrown back at me.
He will ask me " So what have you done for me"?

I absolutely hate his guts and just want to be free of him and concentrate on my baby and being the best mum I can.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 17/12/2023 06:45

Leave him and ask your parents for help if you need it.

Men providing care to their children are not "helping" the mother and no woman should be made to feel indebted to a man for him changing some newborn nappies.
Decent men don't threaten their partners with social services to score points. Decent men especially don't threaten a woman who has recently given birth with violence. He's toxic. You and your baby deserve more.

Leavethebathalone · 17/12/2023 06:39

You should call the police so that his threats are documented. He threatens you rather than helping you. The relationship won't last and he will play nasty so the more evidence of the way he is treating you the better.

Swishyfishy · 17/12/2023 06:32

Tell the police about all his threats, not just the physical ones. Get him removed from the house and go stay with your relatives until things have cooled down.

Smugandproud · 17/12/2023 06:17

Kick him out.
Stay with your parents.

adventadvent · 17/12/2023 06:16

CharlotteSometimes1 · 17/12/2023 06:14

Leave him asap. You don’t need him, you don’t love him, he sounds horrible. Can you go to your parents today? Maybe ask them to come and get you if that feels safer.

This

CharlotteSometimes1 · 17/12/2023 06:14

Leave him asap. You don’t need him, you don’t love him, he sounds horrible. Can you go to your parents today? Maybe ask them to come and get you if that feels safer.

Swipe left for the next trending thread