To be annoyed by SIL making these comments towards my DD

Its mostly OK I think. Though I think your SiL has overshot with the baking comment. I think care should be taken not to imply the things our society associates with maleness are superior to those associated with femaleness.
We obviously need to break down the association, but i dont think a helpful way to do this is to undervalue a girls achievement in something traditionally 'pink' that she's done with her mum, by suggesting she could (should, even?) be doing something 'blue' with the men instead. The child likes baking, and that's fine. Football is not better than baking because men do more of it than women.

I agree.

Christ, you just know she'll be raising her child gender neutral, and eventually insisting her girl ir really a boy..i'd actually be careful because her messaging may seem empowering to some, but it's actually fucking ridiculous and undermining of you. I say this is a raging feminist myself.

The horrible agenda is always undermining her mum not good for a 3 year old to hear. I’d be letting her know she’s way overstepping her boundaries.

Out of curiosity, are you planning to go back to work, OP?

What horrible agenda is that? That her daughter has choice and agency?

Wtf are you on about? Nobody is “bashing” SAHM, just pointing out that being a SAHM is not a bastion of feminism and therefore it’s good to have another feminist influence. Also nobody is ear bashing about men, you’ve literally made that up.

SIL comes over and DD shows her some biscuits that we made that afternoon whilst DH was at football. SIL "you know, just because you're a girl doesn't mean you need to stay home and bake. You could have gone to football with Daddy if you wanted" (DD was excited to bake, she has never expressed any interest in football)

^^This is why SIL is acting badly. This 3yr old girl goes up to her aunt to proudly show off her baking - and aunt launches into an unnecessary and overstepping comment! How does SIL know if this girl was offered to go to football and refused? Why is she inadvertently underlining stereotypes by mentioning them (girls/baking)? I bet this young child didn’t even think about stereotypes when she chose to bake, she just decided what she wanted to do most. Yet then SIL arrives and launches into an interfering, po-faced comment about stereotypes!

If SIL is unable to stop herself commenting on other people’s children, she should have made a positive comment and not referred to stereotypes. She’s actually putting those ideas into the head of a child who’s probably never noticed them or thought that way. SIL could have said something about the biscuits being lovely and a fun thing to do, and then subtly dropped in a comment about her nephew/friend’s son who also loves making biscuits.

But really, it’s none of her business and she’s pushing in when it’s not necessary and undermining the OP in front of her own child.

I wouldn't let anyone over rule my parenting. The old feminist bashing of a SAHM setting a bad example to their children is so offensive.

Ear bashing her about men is offensive, her daddy is a man.

Some people are saying they are traditional and think it sends the wrong message? I think the word traditional is used to mask ignorant. You can’t choose your sexuality so I think it’s fine to say “partner” or girlfriend- I think it’s important to show children society doesn’t care if they are gay. We limit little girls all the time with the language we use and the more people who are aware of that and challenge our socialisation the better in my opinion!

I certainly don’t think your SIL views are “harmful”. How on Earth can you think it is? A bit over earnest maybe but nothing wrong with letting your child know there’s more to life than being pretty. Or pointing out she may choose to not date boys at all. The latter comment is something my teenage daughter would mention.

Your child’s aunt is basically telling her that she will love her whatever she looks like and whatever her sexual orientation. That’s great. So many people don’t have that in their families.

I think you should nip this interference in the bud, OP, or she'll butt in on everything& anything. Your daughter is your responsibility and it sounds like you're doing a good job in not forcing 'alternatives' on her all the time, particularlyat such a young age. Your sister in law can wait till if/when she has her own kids to push her own ideas.

I like your SIL too

Long game here OP. Wait till SIL has her own children, then a few similar comments from you when you SIL forgets to hammer home the message as she is getting on with basic parenting / over whelmed by parenting etc and you will soon get an apology from her!

My thoughts exactly!

She sounds very irritating. My daughter is very girly, I’m far front it. Yet I would never discourage my daughter from wearing a dress. This idea that being feminine is somehow “wrong” or silly does nothing for equality. Tell her I know you mean well but I would rather you do not talk about gender ideology with my toddler ; I will approach that subject at a more appropriate age. Young children may well just understand it as a criticism of their choices.

I think this has nailed it, actually!

Given the contexts of your other posts, although I agree with the thrust of what your SIL is getting at, it does sound a bit bee-in-the-bonnet and annoying.

I'd probably quietly roll my eyes occasionally and leave it at that unless she strays into actively trying to persuade your daughter or of her genuine interests because they're 'girly' (in a weirdly reversed kind of sexist shaming!) At that point I think a breezy, "Yes, of course, but there's also nothing at all wrong with enjoying baking just because you're a girl, darling," sound make the point assuming your SIL is not tone deaf.

On balance, though, I think I'd chalk this up to the fact that people close to you are always going to have at least one annoying habit and let it be. Especially as it sounds like it comes from a good place.

I think the type of comments your SIL is making are fine and positive, but her timing is unacceptable. It's not for her to jump in and contradict you when you're talking to your daughter, very presumptuous of her.

I think she needs to keep her nose out of your parenting tbh and stop using your DD as her trial run for when she has her own. She sounds like she is undermining you.

SIL understands the damage feminine socialisation does to girls and is helping your DD, who she loves. I'd be grateful and ask her to come round more

I agree with her sentiment, but it does sound like she's being a bit overbearing (and unintentionally patronising towards you, as if you need extra input to avoid your daughter turning into a stereotype).

Your SIL sounds a preachy, insufferable bore.

Theres nothing wrong with being pretty, bright, loves baking, loves cars, putting your best self forward or being a girly girl if that’s what she chooses. As long as she’s not being admonished for playing with other toys, engaging in other activities or it’s insisted she wears make up, she’ll be fine.

Being constantly judged or ‘offered balance’, however, must confuse the poor child. That can also repress her if she just wants to be left alone to be her version of a girl.

Does your SIL take her to football, engage in ‘ungirly’ activities with her? Or does she just sit around waiting to suggest the opposite of what you do?

Wait, what?

This will go down like a lead balloon but I can see why your SIL wants to reinforce the feminist message if you don’t work and are consistently reinforcing the need to be pretty. It’s great she has SIL as a strong feminist role model in her life who isn’t afraid to challenge gender norms.