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Original poster

Not attending Dad's wedding?

32 replies

Caribun · 12/12/2023 19:13

So my Dad is set to announce his fifth wedding.

Long story short, he's an absolute arsehole and I rarely spend much time with him as he used to abuse me as a child, but he's requested all of his children attend this wedding because it is for 'close family only'... I have a feeling this is because he's embarrassed to be having a fifth wedding so isn't advertising it! 🙄

He has always been particularly nasty towards me and I just don't want to put myself through an entire day of 'celebrating' yet another wedding with him, when I don't even think he has the capacity to love someone.

So would I be BU to tell him I have no intention of going when it is definitely going to cause massive arguments in the family? My brothers (who weren't treated the same way I was as a child) think I'm being unfair to hold onto the past and that I should just let it go but I don't see why I should pretend to play happy families any longer when I don't need to.

OP posts:
ShazzyG71 · 12/12/2023 19:24

Why put yourself through it? You don’t owe him anything! If your brothers decide to go then that’s their choice. Life’s too short to waste even a single day on fuckers!!
I got some grief when I cut FIL out of our lives! He was a vile nasty bully who tried to bully my 2 DS’s, big mistake twatface!
My husbands niece messaged me vile messaged over and over saying life’s too short! Damn right it is, too short to be putting up with that shite!!
Then lo and behold about 18 months later she cut him off too!

Twazique · 12/12/2023 19:21

Do what ever is best and least stressful for you. If telling him why you are not going works for you then do that, if accepting the invitation then getting ill and not going is easier then do that. Put yourself first and don't think about his needs.

RampantIvy · 12/12/2023 19:19

You could just not say anything at all, and just not turn up. You don't owe him anything.

MargotBamborough · 12/12/2023 19:18

I don't want to pry about what kind of abuse, but do your brothers know about what he did to you when you were a child?

If they do, I would be giving them very short shrift about telling you to let it go.

I definitely wouldn't go to the wedding.

WorriedMum231 · 12/12/2023 19:18

Your brothers are morons. Don’t go. And don’t speak to the brothers either!

heldinadream · 12/12/2023 19:17

I'm not usually this rude, but I'm tempted to say let them all swivel.
There, I said it!

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 12/12/2023 19:16

YANBU.

He is seeing the consequences of his actions. If you want to make things less awkward you could tell people you have a long-booked holiday, but you could also tell the truth if that works for you.

Either way, spend the day having fabulous fun with people who you actually care about and care about you.