Not attending Dad's wedding?

Abuse is abuse. Don’t downplay it because it wasn’t sexual.

Emotional and physical abuse is just as bad and if your brothers know about it, and wish to ignore it, it doesn’t say much about their suitability for life.

I think you’re better off without any of them, to be honest; maybe use the time saved to spend time with others who mean something special to you and accept you for what you are.

I am so sad your brothers aren't backing you up - I certainly wouldn't be going to the wedding.

Really crazy to me that people think you should lie or make up some excuse to not go and not just be honest. What's wrong with just being honest! He can abuse her but she needs to lie or make up excuse to not go to a 5th wedding. Come on.....she just needs to be very honest and say your not going!

I think you would be very unreasonable to say it in that way. However I don't think you would be unreasonable not to attend. You just need to say it in a calm and polite way.

You could, perhaps, have a prior engagement? Perhaps even be attending somebody else's (first, and hopefully only) wedding? Or if you don't want to make an excuse just say that you are sorry but you won't be able to attend, but you wish them all the best (while thinking privately that they are going to need it!)

Say no but you might come to the next one, depending what else you have on.

I know family situations are hard, I was in a similar situation this year and didn't attend my dad's second wedding. He wasn't happy but I'm an adult and make my own decisions that people will just have to live with.

It's not easy and I get that but your an adult and your dad abused you and your brothers are obviously manipulated by him and will do anything for a quiet life.

Do not let your dad have this control over your life because then he will always have this control over you!! If you do not want to attend the wedding (you have good reason not to attend) then DO NOT GO! Tell him you will not be attending and if he asks why then tell him the truth. You do not owe your brothers anything either. You have to do what's best for you and your mental health. Be strong and say no.

Why does he even have your contact details?? Never speak or answer him at all, EVER.
Yes, simply do not turn up. If you really want to respond, send a sympathy card to his new bride

I had this with my brother this year. It was assumed and I was verbally abused by other members of the family for choosing not to go but neither him nor his now wife speak to me and ignored me totally a few days beforehand so I stuck to my guns. We have no contact at all now, I have not met my one year old niece and people are possibly still talking about it but I have boundaries and I draw the line at going to the wedding of people who have treated me badly.

Just don’t turn up on the day. Sorted !

The brothers weren’t abused but surely they have some empathy for you ?

If not, cut out all these toxic people from your life and you’ll be better off.

I’ve had similar issues and a similar family set up - I get teased for ‘misremembering’ nasty events that only I’m old enough to remember out of my siblings.

A bright ‘no thanks!’ is what I employ. No excuses and no reasoning. Dad's never asked why as he knows why I don’t want to play along with pretend happy families! None of my siblings have ever called him out on his affairs/awful life choices, I’m not keen on that conversation so keeping myself out of it is better for me and everyone else.

I think @ItsNotOkItsNotTheEnd has nailed it!

I would be tempted to use this as the time to go no contact but I would also be tempted to make a point of it by responding to said wedding invite "dear dad, I will not be attending wedding number 5. You couldn't get it right the first 4 times so why bother again? You were an abusive father and never tried to make amends. I don't see any point in further contact but wish you well for divorce number 5!"

'close family only'? So just the assembled reminders of his previous four failed attempts at married life waiting to greet Bride Number Five as she walks in?

YANBU.

Fifth wedding? And he's a nasty individual? Just don't go. Family isn't all that great when they're not nice people. You don't need any of them. If your brothers give you shit for it, I'd be tempted to cut them off too.

Your brothers can pretend abuse is fine, if they want, but you do NOT have to accept it. Don't go.

He used to abuse you. You don't need to ever see or speak to him again. Look after yourself op.

Tell him it clashes with the day you rearrange your fridge magnets.

That would be my approach. No drama.

Absolutely do not go, and to hell with your brothers too. If that's their attitude to him abusing you then frankly it sounds like the apples didn't fall too far from the tree.

Oh well, sod the lot of them.

Don't have a big showdown, just kind of grey rock the situation. Say you won't be attending and if they say they're upset about it you say, "I'm sorry you're upset but I'm not responsible for making everyone else happy."

I think you're being too polite about it. Why on earth should you go to your abusers wedding? And your brothers know he abused you and still think you should go?! I'd stop speaking to them too and block your father. He doesn't deserve to be in your life

Agree with PP, if you don’t want to rock the boat just have a convenient sickness bug.

Otherwise No is a complete sentence - and if anyone tries to talk you around either iterate you are not discussing it and change the subject.

I think I would go for the sickness bug option - no further explanations necessary.

Don't go. If you don't want a fall out say you'll go and then have food poisoning or a sickness bug on the day. This comes from someone with a similar abusive dad. I decided I wasn't going to suffer again so I make other excuses to avoid the drama.

Nope. Don't go.

It doesn't matter what your brothers think or say, this is your choice and your decision.
They've made their choice/decision and whilst they may disagree, they have to accept it.

If I was feeling brave, I may say something like
"I won't be coming to your fifth wedding. But don't worry, I'll make sure I'm available for your sixth one"