The thought of letting MIL hold my baby angers me

I can not believe you are being told you are BU because you have a "no kissing rule" do people not know the germs that can be passed on!! Why do they feel the need to kiss your baby anyway!!

Tell her to piss off and leave you in your little baby bubble. Hugs OP & stand your ground

I would say YANBU. because no one who doesn’t have a mother in law like that will actually get how the comments hit inside you! It’s done innocently by purpose to light a fire they think you can do nothing about. Honestly I would just say concentrate on yourself while she is there. Have those needed naps and rest. You could also play her at her game and keep the obvious hand sanitiser everywhere and keep water wipes and wipe baby when u feel the need to. I guess it’s her grandchild too and it would be nice if she could spend that time with them. But if you are that annoyed then just take ur own precautions. It’s only 2 weeks hopefully they will fly by. Good luck :) ps. hubby needs to have a word with her about the baby hogging slash kissing on face. Not ur problem because not ur mum. Healthy boundaries should be made by him.

I sort of know where you’re coming from because I had a very similar experience with my ex MIL when my first was born. She was in special care and MIL booked a train to come and see her. We had been told to limit visits to the special care department (for obvious reasons) and I was also in the same hospital. Told my ex that she needed to wait until we were out and ready for visits. He said he couldn’t stop her from coming down. He actually took her to the special care to see baby. I am still RAGING about this, she had no business there whatsoever. When we eventually got home, his whole family descended on us and I ended up running back and forth to the kitchen for teas and coffees while they literally smothered the baby - MIL had a thing about piling blankets on babies even in sweltering summer heat. They didn’t even bring a shopping bag of bloody food. Baby ended up back in hospital with a gut infection 2 weeks after the visit, no prizes for guessing where that came from.

I realised a decade later that I had a much bigger problem than MIL. I had a ‘DH’ problem. He didn’t protect me. Massive red flag. Divorced now and thank God that cow is out of my life.

You might be irrational but if your MIL is anything like mine, there’s years of passive-aggressive snidely comments and undermining you as a mother and wife leading to you now feeling like this. You need to speak to your husband and he needs to have complete clarity on where his loyalties are. He needs to cocoon his family and stand up for you, even if that means upsetting his mum. He’s a big boy now.

My mil is a know it all, overall nasty piece of work. Always telling me where I’m going ‘wrong’ and just giving plain stupid advice. Told me to give my 4 month old honey etc, just dumb stuff! But it was important for me to let her be the first to meet my twins. She had not long lost her husband, I don’t really have much family and I knew it was important to my partner as they were his first kids. I just knew the first year I would have to see her (and grit my teeth) more than I normally would. They are now 18 months and I’m back to seeing her a few times a year! Just play the game for a short while then back away a bit and let your partner take charge of the contact.

I agree, and you also sound immature.

As for a "mama bear", I love the way women say that, as though they are superior to other mothers, who presumably don't care about their children!

You sound hard work. And quite like your MiL. If you want your baby to have a good relationship with it's grandparents, ease up. And what is a mama bear?

@livelovelasagne I don't think you are difficult in any way, it's only natural you don't pass around your newborn as if it was a plate of cookies. My daughter let me and DH hold her newborn, walking her through the house, outside pushing the pram, but she was always in the immediate vicinity. When our GC was 6 weeks old our daughter needed to be absent for like 40 minutes (my husband drove her to an appointment) and I stayed home with the baby. All went very well but my daughter had a few nervous tears when she came home - it was the first time mother and baby were separated. I gave her a big hug, told her I understood, and she told me she absolutely trusted me with her newborn but that it hurt to be apart. Not hard to understand I think?

You and your MIL both sound extremely over bearing and difficult. Sorry OP

My youngest of 5 was kissed continuously and repeatedly as a baby by me, his dad, his four older siblings (including a toddler with terrible levels of hygiene), our pets, relatives and anyone else who popped by -and yet has grown up absolutely fine and is happily still alive.

I have a relative who was obsessed with cleaning, sanitising things and never having anyone near her children.
Sad to say that her children have multiple allergies and health issues. I don't think this is unrelated.
I hope to be a grandma one day and very much hope to be able to hold and kiss my grandchildren. Obviously if I was unwell / had herpes or something I would not but otherwise I feel you're being unreasonable.

I Don't blame you for the no kissing the face rule. I believe herpes cold sores come from being kissed as a child / baby and stay dormant in the body . Just tell her it's your baby and if she can't abide by your rules in your house then you can't leave her alone with your baby. If she wants a cup of tea etc just say if you're welcome to make yourself one and help yourself to food whenever your hungry and say your hubby will cook for you if want some hot food. 2 weeks is way too long. I think a week is more than enough. Stand your ground & kick hubby's ass if needed. Good luck. Xx

That all sounds very dramatic and over the top.

I feel for your husband and kids.

Have you considered trying not to mind. Not saying that your MIL isn't going to be annoying but it will be so much easier and enjoyable for you.

You've got another kid so the whole germ thing is pointless tbh.

Do it for your husband if you can't do it for yourself.

Congrats on the baby. It's such a precious time when they are little. Don't sour it

Insist that all visitors mask. High flu and covid season. Blame it on the doctor

No you are not being difficult to be honest. You have every right to not want someone to kiss your baby’s lips/face, that’s completely reasonable. You should be the one holding the baby the most and you have the right to take your baby back at any time without asking. I had a mother in law like this and a husband who thought I was unreasonable and I put up with a lot, now I’m older and wiser it would be different. Be pleasant, be nice, let her hold the baby but stand your ground on your rules which are totally warranted and even if they weren’t, you’re the mum. Good luck with the baby x

It’s the season of goodwill. Try & be nice.

My first thought reading your post was how awful you sound… oh and I am pregnant too, simply not feeling that animosity towards anyone no matter how much the advice/insensitive comments irk me. Best of luck with your new arrival. Let it go and look forward to spending time with your new baby and family. You will be a MIL too, hopefully you will hold your tongue when your DIL is on here slating you…

You need help.

@pinkyredrose "That's great but can you not understand that not all Mil's are the same? Some are great, some are awful."

Just like people. Who knew?

@pinkyredrose Im not saying mine is perfect and there have been times where she has said things that have really got on my nerves but i just let it slip because Its not like she will be with me forever and to be honest my relationship with the rest of my in laws in that family seems to be strong because of that.

The fact that the OP is angry at just the thought of her MIL holding her baby is probably going to lead her to act upon it or add to the friction she already has with her MIL and make things worse Which then in turn will become worser and worser over years as they meet over family holidays which then ultimately then cause problems between her and her partner/husband.

Therefore my suggestion would be to grin and bear while she is there, she will eventually leave in the end and then it will be just the mother and the baby.

I think she's very much like you,which is why you're butting heads 🤦‍♀️

You're being very unreasonable to expect them to not go to a busy town centre the day before seeing you and the baby. You sound VERY difficult.

@HoneyBunnii

That's great but can you not understand that not all Mil's are the same? Some are great, some are awful.

@pinkyredrose no im not as a matter of fact i just had a baby recently as well and i always had my in laws come and help me. Its difficult for me to fathom why anyone would hate their MIL this much, to this extent because whatever mine is like she has been very helpful i probably would have not managed without her or even worse maybe gone into severe depression without the help. I have made having my MIL around work to my advantage

Hahaha!!😂

I'm guessing you're not very old.

@pinkyredrose dont call my comment "dumbass" all because you dont agree... Dumbass.

It's so easy to tell the nightmare MILs on on threads like these

And the prize for the most dumbass comment goes to . . .