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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad my friend got Botox?

184 replies

TinklyofLaughSingleofChin · 09/12/2023 19:35

Now her smile doesn't reach her eyes. I LOVED her smiley eyes, she had a really twinkly grin. I guess she was insecure about her crow's feet and got injections to get rid of them. And now she looks sort of wide-eyed and frozen and it just makes me sad! She doesn't look like herself any more.

She's incredibly naturally beautiful, classic Grace Kelly looks, and an amazing bone structure. So she would have aged beautifully I'm sure, without needing injectables.

I know it's none of my business really. And I'd never say anything negative to her. And I know Botox doesn't last forever and she may well not get it done again. But AIBU at feeling a little bit sad at the loss of my friend's lovely warm smile?

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 10/12/2023 08:49

It starts getting into uncanny valley territory and freaks me out. When you're talking to someone and their expressions are off, their smile doesn't reach their eyes etc. I have a friend with so much lip filler she can't even smile normally any more.
You don't get many men doing this shit.

Delatron · 10/12/2023 08:46

bobotothegogo · 10/12/2023 07:40

YANBU - when my sister went for botox and collagen I felt so sad as I couldn't understand how she couldn't see the perfect, lovely face I saw.

Lots of defensive posters on this thread - OP hasn't tried to make her friend feel bad.

What do you mean collagen?

I think there’s many ‘sad’ posters in here who don’t really understand treatments. A light sprinkle of Botox should not be noticeable.

I agree many overdo it though and it’s easy to lose perspective and overdo it.

Pickledprawn · 10/12/2023 08:39

I agree with you. People's faces all start to morph into the same face with injectables.

MissTrip82 · 10/12/2023 08:01

Goodness how patronising.

Be a friend.

If changing your appearance in an attempt to conceal ageing is so unpleasant to you you’re about to get a massive shock about how many women dye their hair.

ChateauDuMont · 10/12/2023 07:52

It's not that she has had Botox just that she has had it badly done!

When it's done we'll, your face doesn't look frozen.

bobotothegogo · 10/12/2023 07:40

YANBU - when my sister went for botox and collagen I felt so sad as I couldn't understand how she couldn't see the perfect, lovely face I saw.

Lots of defensive posters on this thread - OP hasn't tried to make her friend feel bad.

MyUsernameIsBetterThanYours · 10/12/2023 07:29

@FuckHonestlyKnows

”Why 'should' we celebrate aging? I don't fucking want to look older, get older, act older. I'm happy sticking where I am thanks.”

Maybe because we’re all going to look older, get older, act older and none of us has a hope of sticking where we are? So a society in which aging was at least accepted would make that inevitable process much easier!

It would be sooo much more beneficial if the time and money and focus we poured into erasing the visible effects of aging as society were instead dedicated to keeping our bodies and minds healthy as we age. With the focus being on ageing well, rather than not ageing.

I don’t think it’s sanctimonious or judgmental to want that or to talk about the unrealistic pressure on women especially.

Lovelycupofcoffee · 10/12/2023 07:09

@TinklyofLaughSingleofChin you are not alone . I never get why women have it done either but hey personal choice. If we all liked the same things wouldn’t it be a boring world . I’m not brave enough to get it done anyway 🤣

fluffi · 10/12/2023 06:53

YABVU. It’s hardly a “loss” because Botox is temporary … it will wear off in months, it’s not permanent.

It’s a bit odd you have any feelings of sadness about your friend face TBH

NashvilleQueen · 10/12/2023 06:49

How old is she?

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 10/12/2023 06:37

Everyone seems to be getting botox and fillers and lips done now and young women in their 20's. It is now seem as normal as a trip to hairdressers. Say nothing unless she asks and tell her she is beautiful and does not even need botox but how you understand it is her choice but so many feel the pressure to do it all. People seem to get very touchy about it all. Shame that there is this pressure on women now and I would worry if I got something done that I would want more and more done.

Wrongcrued · 10/12/2023 00:47

I really don't get it, if it's so subtle that your partner or best friend doesn't notice then surely it begs the question why bother??

Notsurewhatodohere · 10/12/2023 00:15

Hair keeps growing so you can cut it off and let it grow back but you only get one face.

Notsurewhatodohere · 10/12/2023 00:14

I get people wanting to look good but botox doesn't seem to achieve that, even Nicolle Kidman who is naturally good looking and has plenty of money to spend on her appearance now looks very strange due to botox and fillers.

HotGirlInHell · 10/12/2023 00:13

See, I never get that argument. Do you think that about women who cover their grey hair? That they'll never be able to stop and that they'll eventually look weird?

People say it a lot - once you start you'll be stuck doing it forever. Why would that be? Maybe at 55 I'll be fine with it. But I'm not ready at 42.

WinterDeWinter · 10/12/2023 00:11

FuckHonestlyKnows · 10/12/2023 00:05

Let's also not pretend that me not dying my hair past age 30 or using Botox to delay the progress of my crow's feet by a few years is really fucking over the patriarchy.

i didn’t say that did I?

Notsurewhatodohere · 10/12/2023 00:08

I understand what OP is saying, I was quite shocked when I noticed that my sister had had botox in her forehead. Mainly I felt sad that she felt the need to spend money and time to try and look younger than her actual age and also sad that the result looked unnatural. For those who are using botox to look younger aren't you worried that this is not sustainable and there will be a tipping point when you start to look weird?

FuckHonestlyKnows · 10/12/2023 00:05

Let's also not pretend that me not dying my hair past age 30 or using Botox to delay the progress of my crow's feet by a few years is really fucking over the patriarchy.

QueenBean22 · 10/12/2023 00:05

It will wear off. It always feels a bit tight in the first couple of weeks

the main thing is that she is happy with it

WinterDeWinter · 10/12/2023 00:03

I’ve been on here for 20 years and every year there are more and more women who assert that this stuff is empowering and ‘her choice’ and refuse to see that it’s all part of the same patriarchy that causes all the other shit things that happen to women.

yes it’s her choice. But that choice isn’t made in a vacuum, so let’s not pretend it’s liberating.

FuckHonestlyKnows · 09/12/2023 23:57

WyanWeynolds · 09/12/2023 23:36

I understand where you are coming from. I feel sad when I see anyone with botox/fillers etc. Aging should be celebrated, not something we should be fighting against. Age is beauty and the pressure put on people (especially women) to look a certain way is worrying.

Why 'should' we celebrate aging? I don't fucking want to look older, get older, act older. I'm happy sticking where I am thanks.

Why must we do this disapproving sanctimonious act; fuck it, it's your face and body, do whatever the hell you want with it!

Snowdogsmitten · 09/12/2023 23:56

Schmusimausi73 · 09/12/2023 23:09

You had Botox done when you were ELEVEN?

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

FuckHonestlyKnows · 09/12/2023 23:53

No @Schmusimausi73 😆😆

The 11s are the vertical lines between your eyebrows.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 09/12/2023 23:52

@Schmusimausi73 you know she didn't.

Tigertigertigertiger · 09/12/2023 23:41

Yes I'd feel the same