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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be bothered by how easy things can be for some

109 replies

MumOfTwoTwins · 07/12/2023 18:30

Feel bad just writing this.
I am lucky and privileged in many ways in life but I can’t help being envious of other people lives when they have way more than I do and generally seem to obtain things more easily.
DH and I have been saving for years and years to be able to buy our first home and we had to compromise on a small house we don’t really like. We are lucky to have 2 wonderful DC but we don’t have any help and parenting has taken a toll on us and our finances.
I have a colleague at work that comes from a very rich family and also happened to marry a very rich guy. They have just bought a fabulous house in a beautiful part of the town that they are decorating as they like (29 and 30 years old) and they still seem to have a lot of spare cash for lots of exotic holidays in fancy hotels, dinners in the best restaurants, luxury clothes etc.
I know I should be more mature about it all but I can’t help but be bothered by how easy all of this is/has been for her whereas some of us have to work so hard to achieve a fraction of that.
Anyone feels the same and what tips do you have to cope with this feeling?

OP posts:
TreesWelliesKnees · 07/12/2023 18:39

I think it's common to feel like that. I feel it less now I'm getting older as I can see how life can turn on a sixpence. My own life has, and so has that of several friends who I thought were lucky but who have now suffered bereavement, infertility, divorce, unemployment etc. There are very few people who get through life without some sort of struggle at some stage. That helps me to be more philosophical about things. It also helps to focus on everything you do have, whether that's a good marriage, wonderful DC, your health, a dry, warm home, secure work etc.

SutWytTi · 07/12/2023 18:39

Every human occasionally has moments of envy or jealousy.

Practising gratitude is very helpful, thinking about what you have is proven to make mental health better.

It is also very easy to focus on money - it is easy to count and measure and compare.

But what is your life like in terms of love, health, safety, peace and support? These things are worth a lot.

Original poster
MumOfTwoTwins · 07/12/2023 18:37

I count my blessings every day and completely understand how privileged I am in so many ways. Rationally I know all this. It just gets me when I hear all about her life at work and feel a sense of underachievement and envy :( I hate being like this.

OP posts:
Pillboxer · 07/12/2023 18:36

notlucreziaborgia · 07/12/2023 18:34

Do you want better for yourself, or worse for them? Would their life being harder improve yours?

Good post.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 07/12/2023 18:36

Comparison is the thief of joy.

klajs · 07/12/2023 18:35

It's natural I think, but it's all down to your perception. I think when you feel like that it helps to practice gratitude; 2 kids, healthy? Good relationship? Own your own house. I'm sure you have a long list of things other people would be envious of. Don't lose sight of what you do have focussing on what you don't have.

There will always be people better off than you, and worse off than you, you will never change or control that, what you can control is how you choose to reflect on your own life. Easier said than done, and takes time, (and easier when kids become older and easier, I remember the childcare jealousy vividly!)

notlucreziaborgia · 07/12/2023 18:34

Do you want better for yourself, or worse for them? Would their life being harder improve yours?

Riverlee · 07/12/2023 18:34

I think everyone is envious at someone at some point. It’s a natural reaction but unfortunately life isn’t fair.

Regarding tips, acknowledge that you feel these feelings and don’t beat yourself up about them. Also, to use an old saying, count your blessings. I know this is easier said then done at times.

Closetheblinds · 07/12/2023 18:33

Try looking at what you do have rather than what you don’t have.
Holidays and extra cash is great but if that’s not your life or budget then you will only make yourself miserable with envy

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