To be bothered by how easy things can be for some

As someone else said, comparison is the thief of joy. You never know what someone is actually feeling.

I think my richest friend is my unhappiest friend actually.

Not in my experience.

I dated a billionaire for 8 years, when I was younger and glam. I've been some incredible places and meet some incredible people. I've got my own unique story and so many people have said I should write a book. I'm not a "normie" as you would call it, and have experienced things 99.9% of the planet never will.

Anyway, back to him.

His ex wife tried to kill him. His eldest had such behavioural problems from being in his shadow and was sent to a behavioural boarding school. The middle was bullied for their weight. Currently struggling with an eating disorder. The youngest he believed wasn't his, and the two have a terrible relationship because of it. He's had two cancer scares. His dad disowned him.

But he and his DC instagram stories put the Kardashians to shame. Thousands of comments about their perfect life of dreams.

Was he "fucking miserable"...no. His life was so busy and filled with jets and yachts and fabulous social life, that the material stuff occupied him enough to be a constant distraction from problems. And not every day held a problem.

Would I rather be him than me? Nope.

His close friend, another billionaire, lost his wife and DC in one horrific car accident. His other friends were not in his wealth league, but still wildly rich to most, and yet were consumed with chasing more money, to get a seat at the top table.

Now, DH and I are happy. And I know people think we have a very charmed existence. Truth is, everyone has skeletons in the closet, real difficulties, tragedies and their own personal battles.

Yeah, we might have a bit of cash. And that's quite nice. It does give you the opportunity to experience a wider breadth of things in life. Financially people can have it easy. It doesn't mean their life is easy. And recognising this doesn't make anyone bitter or jealous.

First World Problems.

Money isn't everything and can't buy your health, but you know this.

There are people who are homeless and people trying to escape war, think about them instead.

It's all just material stuff.. I know people who , on the surface have everything, but they are utterly messed up and miserable, and constantly searching for the next thing. I'd swap being poorer and living in a state of calm contentment for that any day.

It might look easy now but you have no idea what really goes on in people's lives, and what they struggle with. You also don't know what tragedy and hardship may lie in their future that they would give everything to avoid. Life is rarely just easy for anyone all the way through.

People may seem luckier and happier than you but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors
Count your blessings, as my dear departed DM often used to say

We all see people who appear to have it easier than we do, but no-one really knows for sure what has gone on in people's lives. You need to try to focus on the good in your own life, and not dwell on what others might have.

I am renting at the age of 64, and will be forever - I did own a house once, but due to the timing of my separation could never afford to buy again. So, I could well envy you your small house, but I don't. I am pretty much happy and content most of the time. I can afford to pay my bills, I have no family but do have friends (all with much more money than I have), and I have good health. As far as I'm concerned, that's a lot to be grateful for.

Did you get pregnant fairly easily @MumOfTwoTwins ? Or did you struggle with infertility? Did you have a relatively safe pregnancy? Did you nearly die when giving birth?

maybe you’ve had some things easier than others?

I don't deny that male privilege and white privilege exist but middle class privilege can often lead to an easier life (in some ways) than many middle class people realise.

If you looked at my life from outside you’d think we have it all.

My mum died completely unexpectedly when I was in my 30s. My husband’s dad died before he was 30, his mum has been ill all his life. A child has joined a cult.

You wouldn’t see any of those things if you bumped in to me.

Sorry but I hate this type of logic where people with blessed lives from the outside, must be counterbalanced by some hideous secret or appalling tragedy in order for "normies" to feel good about themselves.

Some people genuinely have amazing lives. They will have the same ups and downs of any average human, but on the whole their lives are much better than that of 99% of the population. I think this is what OP is getting at. It's ok to be envious or admire those who are just born lucky. There's a distinction between "Wow I would love to swap places with them if I could" sort of jealousy and "I'm happy with my own life because I bet that rich couple are fucking miserable behind closed doors and he's cheating on her and she can't get pregnant." sort of jealousy.

A lot of people who trot out the "comparison is the thief of joy" line are actually from the second group. They're grateful for their own lives because people who have it better should be suffering in ways that can't be fixed with money. They almost wish it upon them as a justification for the fact you can't have everything in life.

There will always be someone richer and more beautiful than you. That’s the truth apple focus on your own path and stop comparing.

@CaptainJackSparrow85 I think that's still a case of the grass being greener though, whilst I don't want to dismiss the privilege of being financially comfortable, do you really think you'd be happier with an arrogant misogynist? I suspect vs poverty maybe, but I can imagine there really is only so far money can carry happiness with bad relationships. Like health really. Makes life easier, but not necessarily happier.

A simple fact of life is that you could’ve had all that provided you were prepared to share it all with an arrogant misogynist.

You never know they may be up to their eyeballs in debt.

They may get a horrendous illness and die young

Might have had an abusive upbringing

He might have a tiny Willy and they might only have sex once a year

They may argue like cat and dog and hate their life together

may be cheating

May have anxiety or depression

There's so many things you don't know maybe they look at you and envy you. No one's life is perfect despite how it may appear

Would you like life to be harder for her?

I suspect you're going to say no of course not, - so don't be so hard on yourself for having very human feelings.

If you said I hate how some people have things better than me, I wish they'd lose everything ... I'd say get help. But being sort of wistful about what you see around you is a normal thing. Carry on appreciating all you have that is good and focus on that.

Yes @CaptainJackSparrow85 but your ex's wife has to do all of that with an arrogant misogynist there next to her, which you must admit would spoil it a little. Meanwhile your life may be less glamorous but a bet you have fun, support and joy with the man you love.
I completely agree with you and the pp about the hard work myth though. I think a fair few of us were sold a pig in a poke with that one. But it keeps noses to the grindstone.

Unless you're very very close, she's not sharing the "bad" or hard elements of her life with you. They may be trying for children and not able to conceive and so are using their money on other things. They may have the money but behind closed door they aren't a happy couple but are putting on a front for their families.

Or, everything could be perfect. But you don't know it all, and comparing your life to theirs will only make you unhappy. And there's no point on doing things that can only make you feel bad.

Remind yourself how lucky you are every single day. Literally count your blessings:

• I’m so lucky to have my children. So many women struggle and I’m incredibly thankful that I was able to become a mum.
• I’m so lucky to have a roof over my head. There are thousands and thousands of people who can’t say the same and I know how lucky I am.
• (Provided you’re in a good relationship) I’m so lucky that I found my partner and have had the opportunity to build a life with them. So many other people have lost their partner, or are trying to find love. I’m grateful to have someone to spend my life with.

You need to reset your mindset and the more you remind yourself of how lucky you are, the more you’ll believe it.

It's increasingly the case that inherited wealth has a far bigger impact on lifestyle than salaries do. Hence the lack of social mobility.

It's completely reasonable and human to struggle with that and feel a bit shocked when you realise that it really is just a myth that "hard work" is what distinguishes people.

I agree with this. There’s absolutely no point in feeling jealous, because it just is what it is. But as someone who bought the ‘hard work’ thing, I do remember feeling disillusioned when I realised that inherited wealth/family money is usually - not always, but in most cases - the key to prosperity.

If I’m shamefully honest, as much as I love my (hardworking but not rich) DH, I think if someone had explained that reality of life to me when I was younger (instead of impressing on me the value of hard work), I might have made different relationship choices. When I was in my early 20s I was in a relationship for a while with a man whose family had a very successful farming business, tons of land, stacks of cash. He drove a BMW X series at the age of 22. I dumped him because I thought he was an arrogant misogynist (which he was) and went on to build a career and meet my now-DH. But I’m still in touch with that ex via social media and mutual friends. He and his wife live a great life - not really working, spending most of their summers in the south of France, massive house, multiple cars, kids in private school. Whereas I’m slogging away in an office trying to balance earning money with raising children. And my children go to a state school where the roof leaks.

The older I get the more I realise that literally everyone has difficulties to deal with in life. You might not see them but they will be there, be it ill health or poor relationships, or infidelity etc etc. Be grateful for what you have and don’t be envious because the best things in life are free.

I can’t help but be bothered by how easy all of this is/has been for her whereas some of us have to work so hard to achieve a fraction of that.

YABVU. There are people that work hard and don't have a hope of ever owning and are infertile.

I think you just need to focus on enjoying your life, to be honest. I wouldn’t want anyone else’s life because I wouldn’t want any husband or kids other than mine!

It’s all relative. What you have is someone else’s dream. There will always be someone prettier, richer, cleverer…. Equally there will always be someone worse off than you. Try to count your blessings. On the surface I have a very comfortable and happy life but in reality I have had huge struggles and an unbearable tragedy that I would wish on no one.

I know the feeling

I do feel like me and DH scrimp and save all the time for not much reward

We know people who are up to the eyeballs on credit cards, driving Audi's on HP but just don't seem to give a shit about being in debt??

Am I doing it all wrong?

Plus we seem to live near a lot of people who have mega houses, grandparents who help financially and practically etc. Me moving abroad didn't help, but still!??!!