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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take DD (3) to ballet

62 replies

Littleblueboatsail · 06/12/2023 14:19

I have a 3 yo and a 1 yo and just returned to work after mat leave. I work full time over 4 days. Whilst on mat leave I took DD to a ballet session which she didn't really enjoy at the time and was the youngest by a fair way so we decided not to go again. But she does remember going and 6 months later has started talking about wanting to do ballet.
The problem is purely time. There is a session I could get her to but it's at 3pm on my one day off a week. My sister is currently on mat leave and lives an hour away, we like to see her and her baby as much as we can. I also have friends with similar aged children that we like to arrange meet ups with plus just the odd day where it's me and the kids to do library/ soft play/ woodland walks etc. committing to ballet every week means all of these things are not impossible but suddenly just a lot more awkward and restricted so my thought is to just wait until DD starts school next September when we will be committed to being bound by school hours anyway and hopefully at that point find an after school ballet class for her.
But am I being selfish and unreasonable in not allowing her to go now when she has a natural interest developing and I absolutely could go, I just don't want to be restricted with our one day off together in the week.
There is a weekend one in the middle of the day on a Saturday but honestly our weekends are always jammed with family and friend commitments as it is that again, that just isn't going to work for us.

OP posts:

wompwomp · 06/05/2024 14:16

Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:03

Do people not have families? Friends? Playdates for their kids? Enjoy weekend day trips? It's really a big deal to not take a 3 year old to an extra curricular activity in order to prioritise these equally enjoyable things from DDs perfective?

Ok. The. Don't go. Why start a thread ?

wompwomp · 06/05/2024 14:13

Your one day a week off work would still have all day until around 2pm and then 4pm until supper.

Isn't that enough to see family and friends. You mention you see family and friends all weekend too

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 05/05/2024 22:25

crumblingschools · 07/12/2023 10:20

What other family commitments do you have at the weekend? Juggling life round children’s activities/hobbies is part of family life

Family life should be priority not money / time consuming unnecessary activities.

DisabledDemon · 05/05/2024 22:21

RoseGoldEagle · 05/05/2024 18:45

Oh just seen it’s a zombie 🙄

Don't worry - hang around long enough and you too will be chastised!

RoseGoldEagle · 05/05/2024 18:45

Oh just seen it’s a zombie 🙄

RoseGoldEagle · 05/05/2024 18:39

It’s not as simple as ‘finding a single hour’ though, is it? If it’s 10-11 for example, then you basically can’t plan anything else for the morning. I would prioritise doing a range of things as you’ve suggested OP, including seeing family etc. Absolutely loads of time for organised classes when she’s a little older.

Pin0cchio · 05/05/2024 18:34

Yanbu, my dd did a class at that age and honestly while she enjoyed it, it made zero difference to her learning ballet. The girls who started at 4 and 5 didn't have anything meaningful to "catch up".

MasterBeth · 05/05/2024 18:31

Fuck me, she's three and you are her mum. You decide what she does and what she doesn't do. She really is not missing out on anything by not going to ballet class at three.

DisabledDemon · 05/05/2024 18:27

sanityisamyth · 05/05/2024 18:05

@DisabledDemon did you need to bump a 5 month old zombie thread with nothing new to add?

I honestly didn't notice it was so old so my bad there.

But thank you for your kind response. I'll add it to the trash.

sanityisamyth · 05/05/2024 18:05

@DisabledDemon did you need to bump a 5 month old zombie thread with nothing new to add?

DisabledDemon · 05/05/2024 18:04

SootspriteSearcher · 07/12/2023 09:57

I would wait until she's at school. Maybe buy her some ballet shoes and tutu for Christmas. There's a few books about ballet and I'm sure youtube videos or dvds. You could do ballet together at home?

Yes, absolutely. Tell her she can start ballet when she starts school. She might have lost interest by then! But if she is still keen, get her the basic kit required (usually a leotard, ankle socks (tights for older girls) and ballet shoes (soft, not toe shoes).

If she goes regularly and enjoys it, you can always get her something pretty later on. From memory of my early years at dance school, there were regular medal tests and you needed a costume (usually a leotard gussied up in some way with sequins and chiffon) but there are plenty of shops that do dance wear and accessories also.

wouldthatbeworse · 08/12/2023 02:22

She’s 3. I’d def skip it. People on here like to martyr themselves to their kids extra curricular activities. Which is fine if you want to but completely unnecessary at 3. Your kid will be much better off with the variety of things she is doing instead.

Chiar · 08/12/2023 01:18

She really doesn't need to start at 3. There's a lot of wand waving and baby rocking, she will be absolutely fine to wait until school age. I would leave it until after Christmas or Easter in YR.

I actually think tap is more valuable around age 4-6 - they tune into the beat of the music a lot more. It's almost like percussion lessons for kids who are mostly too young to learn an instrument. Ballet is relatively more static and less rhythmic at that age.

TurquoiseDress · 08/12/2023 00:30

Soonenough · 07/12/2023 10:24

Don't beat yourself up over this. She is only 3 . Next week she may want to go to gymnastics or be a fireman. You decide what best suits you and your schedule, she will follow you. It is not like your alternative is a terrible time for her.
If she still says she wants to to ballet when she is 4 , AND you can manage it , then by all means do it.
I might sound harsh but I feel strongly that mothers put so much unnecessary pressure on themselves. Not every expressed wish needs to be fulfilled immediately.

This 100%

Fionaville · 08/12/2023 00:22

Personally, I'd take her to 3pm lesson. I say this as somebody who hates a scheduled routine, but when you have kids it has to be done. Children on the whole, love having a routine and a regularly scheduled activity.

HMW1906 · 08/12/2023 00:09

I have a 3 year old son. We’re stopping one of his activities as it means we can’t do anything else on that day as it’s the middle of the day. I asked him if he wanted to do the activity or go to the farm or soft play…he said he wanted to go to the farm….he’s only 3 though and would always chose a farm over anything else 🙈. At this age I think it’s much more important to prioritise family days especially as you have another little one.

stardust40 · 07/12/2023 23:53

I would wait and enjoy your time first.... we did with dd1. But we did buy the learn ballet dvds (not sure these still exist but there will online versions!) and she had the dressing up outfit at home so we did do lots of ballet in the front room which she loved!

MeinKraft · 07/12/2023 23:52

At age 3 unstructured time with family and friends is massively more important than classes.

Kitcaterpillar · 07/12/2023 23:50

Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:03

Errr...we didn't come to your house and ask why your daughter wasn't at ballet. You literally asked?!

Halfemptyhalfling · 07/12/2023 23:47

When I had two preschoolers at home we didn't do classes as they around with each other. When I just had one at home we did classes for the stimulation but l wouldn't recommend a formal ballet or sports class preschool as they need time to be free. Didn't actually do much in reception either as they were too tired

Howmuchtohireahitman · 07/12/2023 23:40

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 07/12/2023 22:12

Start her when she’s 5

This. My DSDs mum took her to dancing when she was 3 and she'd just cry. There's wasn't much dancing and mostly just jumping around. At her dance show she just stood and cried then refused to come on for her other dances.

She's now 5 coming on 6 and I started her at dancing again because she asked. She absolutely loves it and is really excited for her upcoming show. She definitely gets more out of it being that little bit older.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/12/2023 23:30

My dd started ballet at 3 and enjoyed it. After a year she moved onto different dance classes, acro, which she still loves now age 9. She loved having her own hobby, something that was just for her.

I think if you have the weekend to see family and friends, it makes sense to use the weekday to do the ballet. You can miss the odd one if you need a complete day out somewhere. If she loves it, it’s great for her. If she doesn’t, stop the classes.

there are so many fun opportunities for pre school kids and it’s so much easier fitting it in at that age. Yes there are after school activities but hard to do around work, and can be a difficult time for dragging along younger siblings.

It’s not a great loss if you decide not to of course. It sounds like your dd has a fun and varied time with you!

Lizzieregina · 07/12/2023 23:24

No need to commit your time just yet. You’ll spend years organizing your life around sports/dance/music schedules so enjoy this time when she’s little.

I agree with whoever suggested sticking on a ballet video now and again and doing a bit of prancing round the living room with her!

Tacotortoise · 07/12/2023 23:22

My son started ballet at 4 and is still going at 15 and honestly there is no rush to start. The things they so slowly learn at 3 and 4 and 5 they can pick up really quickly at a slightly older age. Start her in a couple of years if she's still interested.

GrassWillBeGreener · 07/12/2023 23:17

I think you're right to wait till she can do an "after school" class, but like the suggestions for doing more dancing with her at home (and I'm sure your youngest will enjoy it too). Even though I still look back with regret that when my youngest was first interested in ballet at 3.5, it took me till he was starting school to get my act together and do a trial of some classes. He had several nursery friends there, but wasn't willing to join in and have a go, just wanted to watch, so I gave up. Maybe he'd have managed better if I'd seized the moment earlier, it might have been good for him.

On the other hand, it might have been predominantly the music that interested him in the first place. And that interest we did run with, he's now 18 and a phenomenal musician.

Doing what works for you as a family is important. You've got more flexibility when they are still preschool, you are right to want to take advantage of that.

I've just remembered that I went to my first ballet class at preschool age. But it was run by a friend of my mother's, and convenient to where I was having speech therapy for a term, so fitted in.

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