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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this mad behaviour on a train?

304 replies

capermum · 05/12/2023 20:38

So today I have a meeting the other side of the country today and I get an early train, guy in my seat when I arrive but shifts over for me (it’s a table of 4)
I’m window forward facing
he’s aisle forward facing

But THEN! The guy reaches down into a carrier bag on the floor and pulls out a large bowl which he places on top of his laptop, then reaches down again and retrieves a box of cornflakes that he tips into said massive bowl and then pulls out a big bottle of milk, pours it on the flakes and proceeds to munch away while watching iplayer though headphones like munch munch munch right in my effing ear, it’s not first class or anything so the seats are very close to each other.

I wouldn’t even sit next to my DH to eat cereal that close let alone a stranger!!!

After about 2 mins of this I interrupted his viewing and say “You have to let me out! I have to move while you eat, this is so antisocial and I can’t bear it”
“But I’m nearly finished” he says agog
“But I can’t bear to listen to another mouthful!”

So i do indeed leave while he finished and read my book further down the train where I can, in fact, still bloody hear him munch-munching away…

Then when it’s safe I return to my seat and get back to work

Oh yeah and when I’d arrived I get out my laptop and set it up to work, he reaches right across me an plugs into the socket that would have been closest to me, before I have a chance to, the passenger across from me notes this and offers me his socket with a knowing look, so is this further proof he’s a without doubt a total psycho?

I think in the end I made him as uncomfortable as he made me by calling him out, so I guess we are quits (for now)

It’s quite out of character for me to confront anyone ever, so tell me, is this totally antisocial or am I being over sensitive? and if I’m you think I’m being too soft then, please tell me what’s the worst outrageous antisocial behaviour you’ve witnessed on a train?

My colleague just told me she watched someone clipping their toenails once with those clippers that fling the nails every which way. So that’s probably worse

OP posts:
Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 23:06

Ormally · 05/12/2023 22:59

Things I have found weird on a train:

  • Group of kids doing laughing gas from balloons (about 3pm)
  • Person doing coke off the back of seat table in front of them (first class carriage, late at night)
  • Well dressed man with rucksack on (very drunk, it turns out) walks up the centre aisle to the articulated space between 2 carriages and has a wee in the space (about 8pm).
  • Several instances of people loudly purchasing something on the phone reading out their credit card numbers, expiry date, and 3 digit code on the reverse to the whole carriage.

So no, having breakfast at breakfast time on a busy train, not so disturbing to me.

Wow you win

did everyone jot down the number ?!

OP posts:
Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 23:05

NotMeNoNo · 05/12/2023 22:23

I know we would all ideally wait for the destination but when you are in a four or five hour journey that means leaving home at 5am and short changes that don't have time for a leisurely lunch, the train is the only place you can physically sit down to eat. Repeat on the way home where you are in transit from 4pm to 9pm. Not everyone is on a 20 minute commute.

I nearly always have a coffee and something non crunchy like a croissant or sandwich and I'm not a messy eater. But eating on trains has been a thing ever since there were trains.

I don’t disagree with you eating on trains is a necessity of life
I guess this wasn’t really a commuter train though: 8:40 leaving london so not super full either and I got up just before 7 and had time for a shower breakfast with the family and an hour across town to make the train. I bet it’s tougher on a commute when you leave at a really early hour and there’s no chance of breakfast before hitting your desk

OP posts:
Ormally · 05/12/2023 22:59

Things I have found weird on a train:

  • Group of kids doing laughing gas from balloons (about 3pm)
  • Person doing coke off the back of seat table in front of them (first class carriage, late at night)
  • Well dressed man with rucksack on (very drunk, it turns out) walks up the centre aisle to the articulated space between 2 carriages and has a wee in the space (about 8pm).
  • Several instances of people loudly purchasing something on the phone reading out their credit card numbers, expiry date, and 3 digit code on the reverse to the whole carriage.

So no, having breakfast at breakfast time on a busy train, not so disturbing to me.

Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:56

Seems to me like opinions quite divided - yes I’m probably a mad woman (totally with you all on that) and eating big sloppy bowls on a train is cool. So next time I’ll bring my spaghetti meatballs without a second thought?

Where do we draw the line?!

helppp!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:52

SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/12/2023 22:35

Nah you're thinking of hyperbole OP.

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Hmm maybe but I think in this instance the hyperbole as an irony marker.

so let’s go with both.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/12/2023 22:39

Wonderwool · 05/12/2023 21:49

I can't believe the thread has run this long without someone making a snippy comment about how aghast and nauseated they are by his gross lack of portion control. Everyone knows a serving of cornflakes is 35g, and it sounds as if he was barely bothering to measure the amount he was tipping into his massive bowl. Ugh. No wonder the country's going to the dogs with all these gluttons cheerfully eating themselves into an early grave, etc etc.

@Wonderwool even looking at a bowl that large is gluttony and other Mn stuff (entitlement? CFery?) of the highest order age should be punishable by no less than death.

Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:38

bluesatin · 05/12/2023 22:10

Oh dear, I hope the G&T lady wasn't me... used to get through a lot on train journeys, also used to eat sushi there.
I was squicked by a lady plucking her eyebrows across a table from me on a train - and people putting their shoes on the seats opposite (or hotel beds) - yuck.. As for crunching, my mother hated it - used to have to suck crisps and pork crackling in her presence.

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I hope I wasn’t the G&T lady too 😂

I think I love your mum

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/12/2023 22:35

capermum · 05/12/2023 21:17

an ironic overstatement makes something insignificant sound like a bigger deal than it is to highlight how minor it is. Statements like these are figurative language and are the opposite of their literal meaning.

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Nah you're thinking of hyperbole OP.

Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:34

AntonFeckoff · 05/12/2023 22:30

I don’t understand the logistics of this. What do you do with the bowl and spoon once you’re done? Get milk over your bag? Take it to the toilets and rinse it off and dry it with a tea towel? I mean this is why cereal bars were invented.

No! He just popped it back in the bag, tbh I was concerned for the cardboard of the cereal box getting soggy for rogue drips

OP posts:
NotMeNoNo · 05/12/2023 22:34

Also a lot of companies expect you to work on a train journey if it's during the working day (eg. a client visit). Despite the fact there's no privacy and hardly any wifi Hmm. So no escape from the laptop clicking.

ProfSleepzz · 05/12/2023 22:32

Oooooh this is giving me strong misophonia vibes. I have misophonia and I had to see a nurse today for a fairly painful procedure on my head. She had a sweet of some description in her mouth and oh my days, I couldn’t cope. She kept chomping and swallowing and I know I was irrational but it made me feel sick. She was so nice too! The only silver lining is when she really hurt me she took my grimace for pain, but really the overriding thing that I was concerned with was the noise her mouth was making!! I love my kids more than ANYTHING. I’ll cheerfully (mentally) chin either of them when they eat near me 😂 (before anyone comes for me, they don’t know this. I just suck the pain up)

AntonFeckoff · 05/12/2023 22:30

I don’t understand the logistics of this. What do you do with the bowl and spoon once you’re done? Get milk over your bag? Take it to the toilets and rinse it off and dry it with a tea towel? I mean this is why cereal bars were invented.

Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:30

ShiteRider · 05/12/2023 21:22

I’m so pleased you said this, I was beginning to think I must be losing my mind. I’d have just been jealous that I didn’t think to do it

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I agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:29

tachycardigan · 05/12/2023 22:25

OP explained it in the OP - Then when it’s safe I return to my seat and get back to work

This is why she booked a table seat, she needed to plug her laptop in and work.

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This. I booked the seat well in advance for this reason

OP posts:
Original poster
capermum · 05/12/2023 22:27

PocketPoL · 05/12/2023 22:13

I was on a train at the weekend where a pair of smartly dressed people were singing and dancing down the aisle, they gave us hot chocolate whilst singing a song about it. Then a bearded bloke in red gave us a bell from a pretty large sack and urged us to take pictures.

Now that’s the kind of passengers that we can all appreciate

OP posts:
TheBeef · 05/12/2023 22:26

YANBU

You words were not rude. Good for you. He was anti-social.

I would have moved too.

I'm all about making the best use of your time on the train. Loud typing, no headphones, talking and crunching can get in the bin.

They don't even have quiet coaches any more. They should bring them back and then some. No phone conversations, loud conversations. Headphones must be used, no loud typing. Library mode.

tachycardigan · 05/12/2023 22:25

Anisette · 05/12/2023 22:18

But why did you come back? If you'd found a peaceful seat elsewhere, why not just stay there?

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OP explained it in the OP - Then when it’s safe I return to my seat and get back to work

This is why she booked a table seat, she needed to plug her laptop in and work.

orchardsquare · 05/12/2023 22:24

As a fellow misophonia sufferer, I understand completely. Dd1 is even worse and I am used to being on high alert on train journeys at the first sign of a rustle of a wrapper.
My worst examples are 1) longer ago than I thought but smoking was still allowed on trains, a person rolling cigarettes from scrag ends, the papers were black (licorice?). The smell was foul, as they smoked, tobacco was falling out everywhere. I think I was pregnant at the time, but remember feeling so nauseous I was nearly sick.
2) More recently, a couple of months ago, a large dog, Akita type, boarded and the train attendant spent a while looking for somewhere suitable for it to sit. She placed it, with its two owners, underneath a four seater table. I felt so sorry for the person opposite as they had nowhere to put their feet. The dog was also sticking out into the aisle so every time someone walked past they had to brush past and risked standing on the dog's tail. The dog was muzzled, but with a homemade rope that kept slipping off and I felt quite worried that it wasn't safe.

NotMeNoNo · 05/12/2023 22:23

I know we would all ideally wait for the destination but when you are in a four or five hour journey that means leaving home at 5am and short changes that don't have time for a leisurely lunch, the train is the only place you can physically sit down to eat. Repeat on the way home where you are in transit from 4pm to 9pm. Not everyone is on a 20 minute commute.

I nearly always have a coffee and something non crunchy like a croissant or sandwich and I'm not a messy eater. But eating on trains has been a thing ever since there were trains.

winniethepooped · 05/12/2023 22:23

welcometothnuthouse · 05/12/2023 21:04

Why don't you look up what a psychopath is before you label random strangers OP? As a low level diagnosed psychopath I find your comment about his behaviour offensive.

Please oh please tell me that you are joking!!!!! You cannot be serious with that comment and a user name like that. 😂😂😂 oh mumsnet

Anisette · 05/12/2023 22:18

capermum · 05/12/2023 21:22

Yes this is what I thought too, but wouldn’t it have been weirder to then come back to my seat?

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But why did you come back? If you'd found a peaceful seat elsewhere, why not just stay there?

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/12/2023 22:17

I mean....

I share your misophonia about people eating noisily. I really really loathe it (particularly when people eat with their mouth open). But I'm also self-aware enough to know this is my hang-up and I can't expect to inflict this on strangers at will.

I do think eating food which is noisy or smelly on public transport can be highly annoying but I also think that people feel they have total carte blanche to indulge neuroses to a point which is pretty nuts. If you're really honest with yourself you could have just dealt with it, squashed your feelings down and moved on.

It was a bowl of cereal. Yes it was fucking annoying but it presumably was his breakfast and he needed to eat something. It can't have gone on for more than 10 minutes. I would have sucked it up and recognised it was my problem and not his.

I think there's an increasing tendency these days for people to feel that these very irrational neuroses about social behaviour should be indulged to the nth degree. The reality is if you share a world with people you will sometimes rub up against behaviour which is mildly annoying and an inconvenience. But no one died from it. Unless it's really incredibly invasive, it's usually better to deal with it and move on.

autienotnaughty · 05/12/2023 22:15

The bowl of cereal is gross and I would have felt ill but tried to ignore it

PocketPoL · 05/12/2023 22:13

I was on a train at the weekend where a pair of smartly dressed people were singing and dancing down the aisle, they gave us hot chocolate whilst singing a song about it. Then a bearded bloke in red gave us a bell from a pretty large sack and urged us to take pictures.

Talipesmum · 05/12/2023 22:13

Just had to go and get a bowl of cornflakes with ice cold milk. Yum!

It’s a bit weird but I can’t imagine summoning up any revulsion for it! And it seems completely bonkers to say you wouldn’t even want to be that close to your DH eating cereal - really shows that different things wind different people up!

I think also because trains can be so so scummy and awful, with drunks, vomit, ominous stains, kebabs on the floor, sardine packed commuters all politely ignoring their nose being in another’s armpit, really smelly food, loud noisy shouted conversations- I know it’s not a race to the bottom, but after so many journeys with far far nastier things, a bowl of cereal just seems so innocuous!

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