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Original poster

How do I make my husband leave me?

140 replies

JackTheSad · 03/12/2023 21:14

I'm desperate for him to leave me. He seems so irritated by me and the kids and I would find things easier if he wasn't around all the time. I don't love him I don't think.

But if leave him he will make everything impossible. He "jokes" that he will tell everyone I'm a drunk. He has made comments about "winning" if we split. He's v petty.

If he leaves me, we will manage things. He's v good with the kids and we can co parent together I believe. But if I leave him, I suspect the kids will suffer as a result of DH putting me through hell and courts

Am I being totally mad to try and get him to leave me? Just stop making any effort. Am I being really ridiculous or could that ever work?

OP posts:
SuperGreens · 03/12/2023 21:26

Develop an illness, probably the only way without incurring wrath.

Aintnosupermum · 03/12/2023 21:26

Stop having sex with him. Get your own bank account if you don’t already have one with some of your pay put into that separate account so you can hire a solicitor to build a plan for how you leave him.

You can’t control him, only yourself. Leave with your dignity and a plan for how to divorce this man.

Janieforever · 03/12/2023 21:24

Summerisawashout · 03/12/2023 21:23

I think posters are missing the point and assuming DH is a reasonable person. Living with someone who is narcissistic, spiteful, manipulative and mean, means they won't play fair and as OP points out, she's likely to be punished if she makes the first move to leave.

It's worth a try OP, ideally he meets someone else to speed up the process

What’s worth a try, you don’t seem to have mentioned ways to make her marriage so awful from his perspective he has to divorce.

Verybadbride · 03/12/2023 21:23

You are making the mistake of trying to manage his behaviour through your own actions.

You cannot ensure he behaves in a particular way; you cannot appease him to ensure he behaves well, you cannot tie yourself in knots so that he is reasonable. If he wants to be an arsehole, he'll be an arsehole. You cannot engineer the circumstances of your split in the hope that if you do it "right" he'll behave well but if you do it "wrong" he'll behave badly.

You need to leave him and accept that he'll behave however he wants. Think about what your kids are learning about relationships from you both, if you stay.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 03/12/2023 21:23

Get a lawyers letter instructing him to leave the family home as you are separating.

everybluesock · 03/12/2023 21:23

The amount of women I read here who feel they don't have any agency in their own life is really upsetting.

Janieforever · 03/12/2023 21:23

JackTheSad · 03/12/2023 21:21

@Eyesopenwideawake have you read stories from family courts recently? I wish things were going to be that simple. I'm trying to protect my kids.

I think maybe you’re not being rational any more, if you make your marriage so bad he has to end it, the children suffer during that and you’re still going through court.

Summerisawashout · 03/12/2023 21:23

I think posters are missing the point and assuming DH is a reasonable person. Living with someone who is narcissistic, spiteful, manipulative and mean, means they won't play fair and as OP points out, she's likely to be punished if she makes the first move to leave.

It's worth a try OP, ideally he meets someone else to speed up the process

Sapphire387 · 03/12/2023 21:22

JackTheSad · 03/12/2023 21:18

@Sapphire387 both of those things would trigger incredibly revengeful behaviour from him and the kids will be put through hell.

If he leaves me, he'll feel guilty and be reasonable.

I'm clutching at straws here maybe

He sounds awful tbh. Do you still have sex with him? No need to answer if too personal, but I'd be inclined to stop, personally. But as another poster has said, get yourself a good solicitor, he's intimidating you but he won't always have this sort of a hold on you.

Original poster
JackTheSad · 03/12/2023 21:21

@Eyesopenwideawake have you read stories from family courts recently? I wish things were going to be that simple. I'm trying to protect my kids.

OP posts:
xsquared · 03/12/2023 21:19

You need to leave him.

Don't play games and hope he will leave you, As it will probably backfire on you and you could be waiting a while if he knows you're manufacturing a situation for him to do that.

I hope you get sorted.

Janieforever · 03/12/2023 21:19

I think you need to just own it op, and end your marriage and not play games.

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/12/2023 21:19

Just undercut the drama and go and see a solicitor. Job done.

Original poster
JackTheSad · 03/12/2023 21:18

@Sapphire387 both of those things would trigger incredibly revengeful behaviour from him and the kids will be put through hell.

If he leaves me, he'll feel guilty and be reasonable.

I'm clutching at straws here maybe

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 03/12/2023 21:16

Have sex with someone else.

Or you know, just leave him.