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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really what mum life is?

61 replies

jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 19:37

I'm just wondering if I'm being unreasonable - maybe I'm lazy / selfish / not got my priorities right?

I'm finding being a mum sooooo hard. DS is 10 months old and I just feel like I do nothing but clean the house, do things that have to be done or chase my DS around the house.

I know the house is being made worse by Christmas decorations, but I feel over-stimulated ALL the time when I'm home. It is never just nice and tidy - we have a cleaner so I'm not too worried about cleanliness, but keeping the house tidy with a baby, a dog and two adults in the house is a full time job. DH does his fair share but it still feels like too much.

The 'to do' list is also endless. Household tasks like shopping etc, packing DS's bags for childcare each day, unpacking from the current day, organising and cooking his meals, pick this up from here, go there to buy this thing, walk the dog, feed the dog... we do spend plenty of time with friends and family but by the time we've seen them and then tackled some of the to do list, there's no time left even for a solo bath! Again, DH does his fair share but we just don’t ever stop.

DS is crawling, trying to walk, grabbing everything, crying when he isn't doing exactly what he wants to be (though who knows what that is at any given moment), throwing food (that I've just cooked) everywhere. There are glimpses of a happy baby when we're doing things or if I get it right in a given moment, but I feel like I get it wrong 90% of the time.

My AIBU is.... is parenting just this hard and I have unreasonable expectations??
YABU - suck it up and stop making a mountain out of a molehill!
YANBU - yep! It's painful!

And if anyone is able to give me glimpses of future happiness, I would appreciate it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 20:01

Ohtobetwentytwo · 03/12/2023 19:53

Specifically what does DH do that constitutes a fair share of household labour and childcare?

He'll do half of the chasing around when we're both at home (he does actually work longer hours than me but he brings in 3x my salary so I don’t think I can hold it against him!!). He does all of the washing (except the putting away which does drive me mad but as flaws go...). He tidies around when he's free from DS, he is the functional spouse so makes sure we never run out of toilet paper, bulk buys the dog's food, does everything in the garage/garden etc.

I really can’t fault him! I really don’t think this is a DH issue.

OP posts:
bakewellbride · 03/12/2023 19:59

For me mum life got easier by ten months with ds and 11 months with dd . You've got easier and happier times ahead of u soon Flowers

Original poster
jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 19:57

bakewellbride · 03/12/2023 19:52

You have my sympathies. It's hard!

Try to make life easier for yourself e.g there is no need for xmas decs to be up now. We don't bother until mid December as my youngest will just want to grab everything!

This is a really good point. we just wanted to start the magic of his first Christmas and I love the tree but everything else just feels like too much to keep out of his reach! Seems silly to take it all down to put it back up again now but noted for next year!!

OP posts:
Original poster
jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 19:54

Girasoli · 03/12/2023 19:45

YANBU older babies are tiring! 6months to about 18m is my least favourite bit of parenting...they can move, you need to feed them actual food not just milk, and they have 0 sense of danger. It'll get better soon(ish).

By about 2 they can tell you what snack they want/fetch their own shoes/have stopped tripping over their own feet.

By about 3.5(ish) you'll be going out again with no nappy bag and no buggy!

Thank you!! A lot of people say that 2yo is the game changer!!

OP posts:
Ohtobetwentytwo · 03/12/2023 19:53

Specifically what does DH do that constitutes a fair share of household labour and childcare?

Original poster
jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 19:53

Clydagh · 03/12/2023 19:42

Honestly, no, that wasn’t my experience when DS was ten months. I’d gone back to work, he was with a good childminder, and we had a cleaner for a couple of hours a week. I don’t remember tidiness being much on my mind, I think I was primarily focused on work, and on how much more I enjoyed parenting when I wasn’t on maternity leave. Is the dog really making that much work?

Interestingly, I went back to work this week and while I enjoyed the balance, I'm finding not being able to do anything in the day quite tough.

OP posts:
bakewellbride · 03/12/2023 19:52

You have my sympathies. It's hard!

Try to make life easier for yourself e.g there is no need for xmas decs to be up now. We don't bother until mid December as my youngest will just want to grab everything!

Original poster
jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 19:51

Clydagh · 03/12/2023 19:42

Honestly, no, that wasn’t my experience when DS was ten months. I’d gone back to work, he was with a good childminder, and we had a cleaner for a couple of hours a week. I don’t remember tidiness being much on my mind, I think I was primarily focused on work, and on how much more I enjoyed parenting when I wasn’t on maternity leave. Is the dog really making that much work?

No not really. She's a good girl and we have a dog walker. It's just this weekend! It's felt like something else!!

OP posts:
Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 03/12/2023 19:49

My ds is 16m and walking and my days are pretty much like this. He's into everything! Anything I tidy or put away is dragged back out within a few mins. Putting washing on the airer, it's pulled off again. Etc.. He's a climber too so constantly trying to climb up things.

I can only really get things done when he's asleep, but it's a catch 22 as I want to sit down for five and relax instead.

My 4 Yr dd is sooooo much easier age wise. I can't remember what age exactly she became easier though, think it was around 2.5-3yrs

Girasoli · 03/12/2023 19:45

YANBU older babies are tiring! 6months to about 18m is my least favourite bit of parenting...they can move, you need to feed them actual food not just milk, and they have 0 sense of danger. It'll get better soon(ish).

By about 2 they can tell you what snack they want/fetch their own shoes/have stopped tripping over their own feet.

By about 3.5(ish) you'll be going out again with no nappy bag and no buggy!

Clydagh · 03/12/2023 19:42

Honestly, no, that wasn’t my experience when DS was ten months. I’d gone back to work, he was with a good childminder, and we had a cleaner for a couple of hours a week. I don’t remember tidiness being much on my mind, I think I was primarily focused on work, and on how much more I enjoyed parenting when I wasn’t on maternity leave. Is the dog really making that much work?

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