To think the rich/poor divide is so unfair

The birth of eugenics!

I wasn't trying to be harsh I was trying to be supportive.

You need to work on your attitude I can tell you this for free.

You need to break away from being enmeshed in your family dynamic - by way of even thinking about them.

I come from a background of abuse and neglect that doesn't bear speaking about and was a homeless child. I understand having families that hated one another and that hated the children too and did everything possible to destruct one another and the children. It's disgusting. It's bizarre. It's unusual and it makes us different because the vast majority of people are not ever going to understand that you had people in your life trying to tear you down and destroy you in infancy because they were sick and diseased. It's not most people's experience of childhood. They don't get it.

People on the internet are not going to get it, don't expect them to. Stop trying to explain yourself to people who are determined to misunderstand you. I get it. There's people on the 'Stately Homes' threads get it.

But as for receiving money and the difficulties with that - are you kidding me do you not understand how it is to come from a background of abject abuse and there's no money anywhere? Most people who have been through what you have will not, have not, and never will get one single penny from anyone in their family - we get landed with their debts sometimes. So bear that in mind with your self pity.

JMO but I think the fact the OP rinsed her inheritance like an ill considered kid in a sweet shop speaks to the dysfunction and doesn't detract from it.

It does make the wah poor me I've never had two pennies to rub together seem hypocritical but getting past that - it kinda makes the whole situation even worse. This is a person who had a chance to overcome her background of dysfunction and trauma but still blew it.

OP you know we have agreed on this thread you need to let it go, move on, concentrated on better things and release the past. Where you put your attention grows. Shift your attention or your resentments will keep growing. Distract yourself at all costs and do new and different things. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.

Try to be more cautious and considered in your affairs and make optimistic plans, treat yourself, eat nice, buy clothes that make you joyful, work hard to cheer yourself up because life has dragged you down. Nobody's coming to rescue you. We drag ourselves back out the mental gutter every morning with a new day.

I agree with you in terms of that poverty is unfair and how hard it is to break away from that cycle but money does not always equate to emotional support or more family stability.
Some very wealthy families mess their families up emotionally (think royal family) whilst some family who have very little materially, provide a fantastic stable upbringing.
It is unfair to generalise in my view.

Changing sum while providing consistently same description of your family really doesn't make much sense tbh. What you post is really identifiable to people around you. Must be

Your inheritance post says that you left a “good job” to go travelling for four years with a sum between £200,000 - £500,000, all of which is now gone.

You’re hardly trapped in a cycle of poverty! Sounds more like a case of poor life choices, which is completely different.

Yes, having a toxic family is tough (that’s why I haven’t spoken to mine in 20 years) and can impact upon you throughout your adult life. Yes, you have to work harder if you’re from a poor background to achieve success…

But you really did lose me at the six figure inheritance that you neglected to mention in this thread. Your initial post was framed as “if you’re born poor, you’ll live and die poor, so unfair” but clearly someone in your life had significant funds to leave such an inheritance. I'm confused about when this never-ending cycle of poverty supposedly began??

Life is extremely unfair.

I come from a background like yourself. I have experienced different forms of abuse and lived in poverty numerous times. I am also a recovering addict. Drugs were my numbing agent for decades.

In my late 30’s I got clean and earned a degree with the Open University, followed by a Masters. However, this hasn’t changed much for me in terms of financial stability and security. But it has given me confidence, a sense of fulfilment and achievement. I never had that before.

I think many people fail to realise that it’s incredibly difficult to overcome the scars of your past. Despite what I’ve been able to achieve academically, I struggled massively with poor mental health which has limited my life. Additionally, difficulties accessing help and support have only made this issue much worse. Luckily, I’ve found a group of people, like me, and we support each other. That has been transformational and they mean the world to me.

I think I have done remarkably well considering everything I’ve been through. But I will never achieve what others have. And that’s ok. I really appreciate the simple things now. I love spending time outdoors, growing and fostering my peace. My life may look very unappealing to many but it’s mine. I will likely always struggle financially given my mental health and my inability to cope with the pressure of a career and corporate workplace culture. But again, that’s ok.

The unfairness of life used to consume me. It still could, if I let it. I think that’s common when you’ve experienced a very difficult and traumatic life. But now I acknowledge this unfairness and then purposely shift my focus on to something positive in my life. We can’t compare ourselves to these other people because our lives have been so different. It’s simply not a fair comparison. I am certain that had they had the lives we have had, they would be struggling too. That’s not to say I wish this on anyone, because I don’t.

I really do believe that things could be far more equitable than they are. As a society, I think we should always be aiming for equality. There is so much more that could be done and it’s incredibly hard to watch as things become more and more unequal. I do think the fact that we are now a very individualistic society has had terrible consequences for people like us. I don’t know what the answer is. All I know is that it makes me feel extremely sad and hopeless.

It‘s getting harder and harder to survive in this world and I am acutely aware that people are suffering. I sincerely hope you are able to find some peace.

Have you considered becoming a counsellor OP? There are some online courses you might be able to do without it affecting your benefits. The people skills you would have gained from your teaching experience and the empathy you will have from your background might make you a perfect candidate.

I very strongly disagree with this type of advice. Op has not in any way dealt with her own issues, and there are plenty, and during this thread resurrected months old thread to tell OP she can't believe she is complaining about her life because she had it better than OP. This is not the first time OP did something like that (I remember one purely because it made me really angry as it was not fair not the other poster but said nothing so it doesn't start thread takeover argument) . You can't support vulnerable people when your thoughts are "Well, I had it worse" and you actually voice them.

I agree that Life is unfair and that some people have a great start in life and others do not. However, I was born into poverty and after much effort, education and job wise I am doing fine. It can be done. It just requires focus and effort and this is what I would concentrate on.

Somebody once told me that you become the average of the people around you. If everyone around you likes a particular football team, chances are you will too. If everyone around you values education/music/sport, chances are you will too. If everyone around you is living in poverty/claiming benefits, chances are you will too.

I agree that the rich/poor divide is very unfair, and that it is perpetuated through generations because you can't teach your children things that you don't know about or value yourself. People grow up in their little bubbles of what "normal" means and have very little understanding of those who grew up in a different bubble to them.

I hope you can get out of your bubble @Mooshamoo . Surround yourself with people who you want to be like and who value the things that you want to achieve.

Have you considered becoming a counsellor OP? There are some online courses you might be able to do without it affecting your benefits. The people skills you would have gained from your teaching experience and the empathy you will have from your background might make you a perfect candidate.

Can you not join a group to have a hobby and make friends from there. You don't have to mention your upbringing to people just the hobby your doing

Yet you get these stories from rag to riches of people who moved to the U.K.

Well, I don’t know much about you but I see you can spell and type! Have you thought about teaching english as a foreign language in your spare time? You could use the money from this to further your own education - you never know it may lead to something else. Please look to the future not back (but your experiences could be useful to help others).

OP I confused. You inherited money which enabled you to go travelling & buy a house but you are posting about the rich/poor divide?

I don’t want to over simplify this but it does seem to take away from the rich/poor somewhat?

There is a thing about immigrants often doing way more than local population does (it's everywhere, not just UK) when it comes to work and school work because they have to. And "we didn't move family half across the world so you would flank school!".
Children of immigrants often outpreform locals at schools because of that push and thinking/knowing that you have to work twice as hard to achieve something and override things on your CV like foreign name etc...

The OP bought a house and went travelling?

And no, poor people who remain poor can be due to so many reasons. I’d be so ashamed to lack imagination and say it is vastly down to bad choices. We live in a corrupt system where the majority of people can never be rich. And rich is not some morally better thing to be.

Have the vast majority of people with disabilities mental and physical made bad choices? Those with limited intelligence? Have rich people never made bad choices? No. But it easier to recover from them with money!

I had a very similar upbringing to you yet have managed to forge a successful career and have a lovely home and certainly not in poverty - still feel as though I look after everyone else in my family though.

I've not had the background you have @Mooshamoo in fact I am probably one of the rich people with the supportive parents you talk about.

However, I do have empathy for you and I recognise how unfair life has been for you from the very start. It sounds to me like you are in complete emotional burnout. When you are in complete burnout it is virtually impossible to achieve anything. You need to heal. Find free podcasts to listen to about CBT and reframing your self limiting beliefs. You absolutely can change your life at 39/40.

Where do you live at the moment? Is your goal to have a slightly better job and eventually be able to buy your own place? I know hoe incredibly hard that is as half my daily are in the RoI and property is very expensive.

Change takes longer than you think. I'd take the next 2.5 months until you are 40 AND the whole year of 40 to start trying to change your mindset. Listen to CBT podcasts, journal, have a vision to work towards and break your journey to that vision down into manageable steps.

One thing I have seen a lot of is teaching English to Chinese students online....can you make a Linked In profile? Lots of jobs on there for this type of work and not bad pay. You could start the job and get training on the job too.

You have the skill of self awareness; you have identified it is your own self limiting beliefs and absolute exhaustion from being ground down by trauma that are holding you back. The good news is that you can address these two issues and in doing so, I think that by Christmas 2024 you will mentally be in a very different place, ready to take on a new chapter in your life with a better job and a brighter outlook for the future.

You can achieve a life for yourself beyond this.

I came from a not very well off family. I hated school and got a job. I travelled a bit and then met my husband who came from a very poor, neglected home, but worked hard and got a good job. As you could in the past without going to university.

i have never wanted children so we made a nice life with horses and dogs. We are not rich but do OK.

i have met very wealthy people through work and hobbies, many are totally batshit, their children are sent off to boarding school and often suffer from lack of parental care, just have all the expensive goodies. Many of the women who have never worked suffer from DV but have to suck it up to keep the lifestyle.