To not buy Xmas gifts

The point is someone has. Then everyone has to once someone has started buying. It took several years past my 18th birthday for them to figure out to stop gifting to the adults in my generation. It was suggested when they do their sibling gift exchange among my parents and aunts and uncles at Thanksgiving that they start including us cousins in that exchange and stop everyone buying for 18 on up. But for several years this same person would say, I already started even though the idea would be clear that the following year don’t buy for this group. I turned 18, then the next year my cousin and the next year my sister. It really was getting out of hand a number of us were past 18. When I turned 27 I got engaged and finally everyone stopped buying for me and I was officially included in the adult grab bag picking the name of one person to buy for and so was my husband. In 5 years four of us cousins married. 10 years to change tradition. And then when we had kids everyone was buying for them. Including us cousins. Actually after a few years the cousins stopped buying for each others kids, but the great aunts could not help themselves. My kid had 9 great aunts/uncle pairs. And then three sets of grandparents. And then 3 aunts and uncles. And 2 great grandparents. Then us and of course Santa. A few early years cousins with kids were gifting the kids of the cousins. That stopped fast thank goodness. I’m glad everyone was alive and well and a nice big family but I counted 5 gift exchanges and 17 people gifting something to my kid. Santa had to be incredibly minimal. As did us parents. Cause we could not get 14 other people to be modest individually or collectively. He cried no more presents a few years in a row. It was really more about the giver and not the receiver of the gifts most important. When he got a little older we cut out one gift exchange, they still bought for him though. We just could not have that long of a day. And then a few years later yet another another exchange we put our foot down. Too much. One year one of the exchanges was moved a few weeks after Christmas. We hoped it would just be a party and that it would stick. We could manage another gathering on another day. But then they brought it back to Xmas evening and we just could not do morning, then another house with two exchanges and then another house with one at night. It’s a pity I missed so many family members for many years. Can’t be gone 9am to 9pm. Some in the family really struggled to mange a gift for everyone. I felt bad seeing them put so much effort to gift my kid knowing their budget and then seeing him get 10 other gifts that exchange cause so many buying for him. How did that person feel who worked so hard and thought so hard what to gift him when it was just part of a pile of things. He would get the same gift sometimes when little, one went to the next years toy collection for charity. I was not exchanging it for yet another item. That may sound harsh but one gift duplicated was by the same giver. The box looked different front and back and she thought the inside was a different item. Some people were reasonable. Their gift was a book. So doesn’t take much room. Yet occupies a kid for a long time. Or a shirt. Useful and can be donated after if no holes or stains. Took years to calm down. But it’s hard when one person decides they are buying for all the great nieces and nephews so all the other great aunts have to follow suit for the sake of fairness. Course those kids are reaching adulthood now. And some aunts and uncles have passed away. I tried to convince a few gifters to just shop for fun stuff and put the things in a toy drive. It seemed more about the shopping than anything else. Please if someone wants to simplify the holiday exchanges, go along with it. It’s a first world problem, but should Xmas ever be a problem? He is an adult now but I really am still miffed I could not give my kid the Xmas I had growing up with a bunch of presents under the tree and a full stocking because other people could not tone it down. On Xmas eve we would give a gift with one side of the family gifts as well for him. And Santa in the morning he was 3 was 1 dinosaur that made sounds and a stocking with new swim goggles and a few more things and it was in the car at 9:00am to go to grams, then great grams and then great aunts house. No time for Santa gifts anyway. At one point my sister put her foot down and said she was not leaving her house until 11am. She had 3 kids to get through the Santa stuff. Thank God. She also minimized Santa to save time in the morning and did some experiences during the school Christmas break.

Give everyone £1 and teach them about compound interest?

What would Martin Lewis do?

What are all these posts "They'll all already have bought their gifts" ?

Just because YOU have, it doesn't mean everybody has! I haven't bought a jot. Advent calendars for the kids purchased 30 Nov. Presents will be next week or later.

@hnwis knows their family best, and they know if they're likely to have already bought or not.

Don't waste money on gifts if you can't afford them. And don't feel bad about it. I've just read another thread where an adult poster is given a sackful of presents by SIL of things she really doesn't want and ends up giving them all away. Gifting has gone mad. I remember getting 1 present as a child. And a stocking of fruit, stationary and practical smellies like toothpaste and soap

Isn't the point of giving to give though? Not to receive. Reciprocating presents is lovely if everyone can afford it, but if you can't, you can't. Maybe emphasise to the family that you won't be buying any presents and certainly don't expect to receive any presents, but they can do what they like amongst themselves at your house. That way, those who have already bought can gift the present. Or take it back to the shop for a refund 😉

I vote doing a Nessa and gifting them a Celebrations each if you feel that bad.

(Well I've now learnt about GIFs on posts 🤣)

We started a family secret santa for the adults with a £50 budget,.much easier and works well.

You needed to have decided this October at the latest

We are doing secret santa for all the adults. So we are just buying 1 gift with a price cap then everyone gets 1 gift on the day. We just did it on a website which generated the names (and we set up exclusions so couples never got each other).
Obviously couple can buy each other gift on top but we've said that those are to be given separately.

Given more people are counting costs this year they may have started earlier than usual, lots of people have. I finished mine two weeks ago.

Are they contributing to what you’re hosting by bringing food or drink or are you shouldering it all? 15 people is a lot!

Youcould have a lucky dip. We cater for 18 and I cant afford to buy presents for everyone

Some nice presents and some really cheap £1 shop ones.

Its fun , this is what we do. Everyone gets a turn of dipping and gets a present and a laugh at the crap/funny ones

I understand where you're coming from. I proposed no gifts to my in-laws because I am fed up getting tat that I just give straight to charity and buy them similar unneeded stuff. They insist gifting continues. My family agreed on Secret Santa and it works really well. I think I'd buy a small thing for everyone this year rather than feel so awkward if they gave me something and I didn't back. Next year do secret Santa.

Other than the late notice, the issue I think I is that you are saying no presents for the adults, but it's fine to buy presents for the children.

If there were other children in the family that would be fine, but as they are all yours, it looks a bit one-sided.

I agree with the poster who suggested a Secret Santa might work in these circumstances. Set a budget like £50 and then everyone gets one decent thing rather than lots of little things that they probably don't want.

Mid November is still too late. I already have most presents by then

You are basically saying "only buy for the children" when you are the only one with children. That's not really fair.

My inlaws do "no presents for adults", but since we are the only ones with DC, we still buy them all something "from the kids" to make it fair.

I think its fine to cut right back, but a bit mean to give nothing.

If you only told them 2 weeks ago then they might have already bought gifts. Buying Christmas presents in November isn't exactly buying them early.

Do secret santa with a bigger budget next year!

Everyone still gets a gift of larger monetary value (I usually set budget from £50-£100 depending on what you think is affordable for everyone)

I have a friend with two DC that I always bought Christmas and birthday presents for, and my friend always bought me lovely thoughtful gifts.
However, both of the DC's are adults and in full time work, and gifting them cash just seems pointless, and I ran out of ideas for presents years ago.

So back in October I spoke to her and told her I appreciated the lovely gifts I had received from them, but I was struggling what to get for her DC's. That I knew it was a pain tearing round getting something for me, and she had enough on her plate with her busy family life.
Whether she was waiting for me to make the first move I don't know, but she agreed straightaway!

The point of this (wordy) post, is tell them in plenty of time.

If you'd stated this in Oct/early Nov, you'd have been ok, but since Black Friday has passed, when a lot of people do their shopping, it doesn't give people much notice

I think it's perfectly okay that people buy you something because you are hosting, but you don't buy anything for them.

I agree with this. It's December, most people will have already bought presents. If you wanted to do a no gift Christmas then you needed to suggest it several months ago, not leave it until a few weeks before the big day.

No don’t do it. You’ve made it abundantly clear what you’ll be doing and it’s such a waste to just buy 15 boxes of chocs/bottles of wine/smellies sets and get 15 back!
You might feel a bit awkward but next year no one will buy for you as they’ll realise you mean business. I hate the pointless exchange of gifts that have no meaning, much better to do as you want to and just buy special thoughtful gifts for a few people (that you want to!)

You are not unreasonable but are very late with letting people know.

It's far too late to be saying this now. Most people will have done their shopping.

Next year do a big donation to a foodbank for everyone's gift

It might be a bit late now but secret Santa works well in these scenarios, cheaper overall and everyone gets a decent gift.
Keep to what you’ve said now though, nothing wrong with saying no gifts in there situations imo