AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

If you are hungry, get some food. If you are breastfeeding, all the more reason to make sure you are fed. If you are there regularly, then I'd take this opportunity to be fairly unapologetic about your needs and hopefully set a precedent for when you stop breastfeeding but still want to eat lunch at lunchtime.

These folks are clearly very rigid in the way they live, that would drive me mad too. Why would you have a set time to make coffee, not just make it when people arrive?

@Lizziebest was obviously concerned about being late because they’ve made a drama over it before, which is why they didn’t stop en route. If I was in that position I’d be bringing food every time and bugger them feeling weird about it. They’re the ones with the problem, not you. DH needs to tell them how odd their behaviour is.

At least no risk of indigestion being shoved out 25 mins after dinner op.... What happens if they visit you? Are you presented with a hosting timetable of mealtimes?

So she sighed. Her problem.

DH is never hungry when he arrives because, I presume, he was brought up on this kind of regime, and his body automatically goes back to how it was then.

What you need is MN Bingo, next time you go. A list of huffable things you expect to happen, which you then tick off with wry amusement and sneakily post on MN while you are there.

And just make sure you take food. Their house - their rules. Your car (if you have to!) - your rules!

It's not your in laws fault you didn't eat breakfast or lunch ? I'd think it rude if someone arrived at 2 pm and immediately went out to buy food. I would probably offer biscuits but not anything more at 2 pm as would assume you had eaten lunch.

So based on the update you only see them for 5 hours every few MONTHS, and through your own poor planning you ended up spending probably an hour of that going out to buy food? If I were your inlaws I would think you either have a really unhealthy relationship to food or you did this on purpose to avoid spending time with them.

Some posters are seemingly so into the "I hate guests" thing they're happy to be rude.

I love having guests. I'm in a minority group on MN in that I love it when people 'pop in' unexpectedly.
As soon as someone steps over the threshold I would put the kettle on (as would anyone in my house).
However I wouldn't be magic-ing up a meal mid afternoon, when we were eating later and all normal people would have had their lunch by then.

What doesn't make any sense in this tale, is that the OP - who was starving apparently (due to the fact she has chosen not to eat breakfast, chosen not to have any sort of elevensies, or brunch or anything for lunch before leaving home) refused to call in at the offered McDonalds as she didn't want to upset her in-laws by being just 10 minutes late, but was then quite happy to walk out of the house to the High Street, and buy and eat some lunch and then also do a further shop, which presumably took a darn sight longer than 10 mins.

I don't think anyone has said that the PiLs don't have some sort of odd relationship with food, but this is all on the OP, who knows that they don't feed people / host normally, and still chose to go to their house, not having eaten since the night before.

Goodness they sound like hard work. Some older people and their miserly portions though - drives me crazy. We visit family who always ALWAYS cook too little food to feed a hungry family of four plus themselves and always pass it off as us being greedy. They 'couldn't possibly eat a quarter as much as we do!' I was once given one thin oven chip (one chip!) and about 10 peas alongside a very small main item (I forget what it was). Lots of little snide comments too. I was always brought up that you overcater for guests because you can always freeze leftovers. So incredibly rude. I guess they see you going out for food as being ungrateful for their generosity and like a critique of them. Definitely shove your bags full of food, I hide snacks everywhere when I visit them and sometimes have a sneaky post-dinner sandwich :-)

I know everyone who is likely to pop in so I know what will get eaten. My family eat anything (apart from the autistic one). Food never gets thrown out here.

I don’t keep nice crisps in but if I’d invited people over for the afternoon I’d buy them. Again I’d know the people I’d invited and what they like.

The same in mine. I just can’t imagine not to offer tea and biscuits at least, and yes I usually have “nice biscuits “.
However if I were you I would just tell DH that you were hungry and wanted a cup of tea and something else and send him to the kitchen. They don’t get it so just be direct.

Has OP indicated the excuse she gave for escaping for an hour.

DH replied saying it was okay but we had a busy morning and that I had skipped breakfast and lunch was there anything going? Fruit? MIL said well I'll be making a coffee at 3 and dinner will be at 6 as usual but she could refill both our water bottles.

That was downright rude and inhospitable of them. Next time take food and openly eat in front of them. Quite frankly I wouldn't care if it offended them. I would hope it would embarrass them into being more welcoming.

Your in laws are miserable. I can’t believe your last post . Coffee is timed, dinner is timed. That by the way is not dinner . A measly sandwich. My son and Dil and grandchild come to my place quite often . My kitchen and pantry is open constantly. I feed them banquets compared to some . That’s what we do. I can’t fathom such rigidness.

@OhNoOhNo well yes unless it was Christmas day I'd assume most people would have lunch between the hours of 12-2, just as I would assume most adults were capable of fixing themselves breakfast.

You know their habits so go out and grab yourself a nice meal!

So you’d invite guests for 2pm but wouldn’t do them lunch? And then be annoyed when they went to get lunch themselves? Even when one of the guests is breastfeeding?

Yeah I must admit if I had asked visitors to come at 2pm and then as soon as they came in announced they needed food I'd find it odd.

I'd obviously try to give them something but we also don't usually have biscuits in the house (DS17 eats them all) , I'd try to do something like toast, but I would be wondering why a grown adult seemingly can't feed themselves.

And yes I would find it a bit odd if a guest disappeared mid afternoon and came back clutching a panini if I was making dinner in a couple if hours. To be fair I certainly wouldn't be serving guests a small cheese sandwich as a dinner though.

My DPs don't go in for big meals, we only go for the day now, but when we used to stay over or if they were hosting relatives we'd just bring some protein bars and peanuts to tide us over which we would eat in our room and give them to relatives to do the same.

Agree, this sounds unbelievable - they’re uptight about you being late but you can disappear for an hour? to get your nails done?

A cheese sandwich and lettuce for dinner? Seriously, that’s what you’d be waiting 4 hours for?

I did wonder earlier why you or DH couldn’t make you a sarnie or some such in his parents home but this sounds a very strange dynamic!

Laughing so much after your update, so your husband said you hadn't eaten and asked if they had anything you could eat and your MIL said "no, we will have a coffee at 3 and dinner at 6" and your husband and FIL just accepted that?? 😂

After worrying so much about being late and upsetting them, you then get up and leave their house for an hour to get yourself food.

Then you got a cheese and lettuce sandwhich for tea.

and now you are on your way home eating your bag of snacks.

How far away do you live? You made it seem like you travelled hours and hours to see them, I bet they only live 20-30 mins away😂

It's a weird thread. Asking for food to apparently very rude as is being late.

But disappearing off to the shops for an hour is fine. Where did they think you were going to be surprised you had food when you returned (ie she sighed)

I just offer what I have in, to unexpected callers. There’s always something. The thing is to make people welcome, comfortable.

Abnormally so, to the point where this thread's becoming a bit "Really......? 🙄"

And would you have all those things in already, just in case of guests? Because none of us like mince pies in our house, none of us like port either, the teens are fussy with cake and one will only eat chocolate cake, DH doesn't like ANYTHING sweet etc etc. We'd usually have biscuits in. Usually bogstandard crisps, not always nice crisps. I wouldn't get stuff we don't like just in case people who DO like them may drop in. Because they might not like them or want them either. And then I'll be stuck with a cupboard full of "food that no-one really likes but we'd better have in just in case some guests drop in that may like them" that goes past their use by date and gets chucked out. 😆

They sound really rigid.