AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

No judgement at all, because I know how easy it is to forget to feed yourself when you're busy trying to get little ones organised to go out. I don't think it's rude to pop out to get something to eat, just explain that you didn't have time to have breakfast, they can't hold that against you. If they're decent people they should then offer you something. If not then they're the ones being unreasonable.

I have similar situation but my kids are teens now - we just bring our own food or eat en route if visiting.

They sound weird as fuck.

Honestly, at first I was like well you should have eaten before you got there as it's 2pm which is a weird time to bring out food, unless previously agreed. But they didn't even offer any hot or cold drinks?? Just offered to refill your water bottle.

I wouldn't necessarily think to offer food at 2pm. But would definitely offer drinks and probably some biscuits. Also, if someone said to me they'd not had chance for lunch I would have offered to make a sandwich or got them some crisps! The fact that you're scared to even ask for food speaks volumes.

Just go out and have lunch. Guests that come to my house get asked straight away if they are hungry no matter what time it is. They also get told what time dinner is and shown what’s in the cupboards and fridge if they want to help themselves in between. I thought this was normal, but from reading the posts everyone seems a bit anal about food times.

You are right @UsingChangeofName. The OP lives a 2 hour drive away from the PIL and yes, she should have eaten before she left.

However, when we have guests I always ask if they have eaten/would like something to eat when they arrive regardless of what time of day it is. We always keep bread, cheese or other sandwich fillings in the house anyway.

Same OP. But I'm from a family of hospitable people/ feeders.

@FunWithFlagz and @RampantIvy but none of that is relevant to this thread, as the OP hasn't done that.
She's been home on her own in the morning, whilst the dh took the dc out to softplay. Then, they have gone round to the OP's in-laws after lunch - or at least, after lunchtime had the OP and her dh chosen to eat it.
The OP won't say how far away they are, but I think we can all assume if it were a trek of some hours, she would have said that.

@RampantIvy - but surely you’d expect her to be a polite guest and have had her pack lunch enroute 😂

Yes. My sister lives a 4 - 5 hour drive from me. If she arrived at 2 I would assume that she was hungry.

I’m amazed at people’s outrage at arriving at 2 and needing lunch. To get to my mums house at 2 we would have had to start loading the car at 10 so we can get everything and everyone in the car, then drive for 3 hours. I’m always starving about half an hour after arriving. My mum would not be upset if I wanted feeding. I think if you invite guests there has to be some compromise between your eating schedule and theirs. I’d die if my guests were hungry!

I don't think Yabu

I find it very hard to understand their behaviour

A measly sandwich and she couldn't give you anything to eat when you arrived.

I would actually be mortified if one of my guests-family members - popped to the shops for a sandwich when visiting my house

Bless them. They sound hilarious!

2pm arrival and coffee at 3pm. Not a moment sooner!!

a cheese and lettuce sandwich for dinner? What fabulous hosts

how old are they?

Next time , have a large brunch

Could I ask what sort of age they are? Someone mentioned generational but the only people I knew anything like this were my grandparents and they would have both been over 100 years old if they were still with us.

I would offer something, what would happen if you asked for toast? If im at a very good friends house I would ask for toast or cereal, same as they would at mine.

You're not shocked because you knew this is exactly what would happen.

I’d always offer a cup Fanta and something like biscuits or a snack mid afternoon. When we go to my mums we just help ourself to food when we want to. She’s quite happy for us to go and make a sandwich or something.

Hrtft but 2pm onwards is after lunch time and I wouldn't expect to provide more than tea and maybe a biscuit or bun type of thing unless I'd specified that I'd be providing a late lunch. So I think you should have left earlier and stopped for lunch on the way before heading to theirs. I fully understand the bf hunger but that does mean you need to plan for that unfortunately. Especially if you know that they eat very lightly.

At casual friends yes but family no - normal family will be keen to know that you’re ok after your journey and offer you refreshments, not necessarily a full on meal but something to make you comfortable, if required, until dinner.

Clearly these ILs are are different in their attitude to food.

More fool OP if she allows this to happen to her again though!

You arrived at 2pm so no I don’t think you should be offer lunch. Just go out and get something to eat.

I always put on food but that’s because I invite people to eat a meal with us and that’s what hosting us all about, in my view anyway. If I invited between meals, I’d do a tea with scones etc.

But 2pm isn’t really a meal time and you know it’s definitely not to them as they don’t eat. (My grandparents are weird about food too.)

I think you knew what they’re like so just take a packed lunch or pop to the shop or services, if further away, or whatever before/after a visit.

@ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy I agree. The DH gave OP an opportunity to get breakfast by taking the DC away, then he also offered to stop at McDonalds on the way.

Yes ILs sound a bit hosting stingy, but surely in that situation you'd want to minimise your own discomfort by eating heartily beforehand. Not making a huge drama out of it by buying bagfuls of rubbish and stropping off to buy a mid afternoon panini.

He took both kids out so op could eat and sort herself out.

It’s Absolutely not rude to pop out and grab some food for yourself if you are hungry.
IMO- what is rude is to invite BFing guests with children to your home and expect them to tolerate such a sparse food offering.
don't blame yourself for running out of time to eat before you came- you have small children and your priorities were with getting them ready.
x

It's not 'truly odd' to offer refreshments to people that have visiting you, especially if they have travelled.

It's odder not to it's rude, infact.