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Original poster

AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

386 replies

Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 14:52

Visiting in laws today on a planned visit initiated by them. ILs are a bit odd about food and seem to eat tiny portions only in allocated slots e.g don't do lunch but breakfast at 7am and dinner at 6pm with coffees in between. When I've mentioned this being odd in the past they offer the thinnest sandwich I've ever seen so have given up trying to explain I think this is bonkers.

Usually I manage this by eating a lot before going but with a toddler and a baby I didn't eat any breakfast this morning. DH prepared all of the toddlers lunch and I didn't ask him to pack me anything. We arrived at 2. I'm starving. DH doesn't think this is weird and doesn't eat a lot himself but is happy to buy me food before and after. Sorely tempted to eat the left overs from toddlers fruit lunch and snacks.

Is it rude to pop out to the high street eat something and come back.

Aibu to think you feed people who you invite over?

I'm also breastfeeding!!

OP posts:
ExTheCheater · 02/12/2023 15:14

I'm a feeder and offer guests sandwiches, cakes, biscuits. Whatever I have, whatever the time.

Original poster
Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:13

keye · 02/12/2023 15:03

Why did you not eat lunch before you arrived at 2? Just arrive at 2:15 year instead.

Bad planning tbh and leaving packing nappies bags to the last minute after soft play. DH took both kids so I could eat in the morning and I stupidly thought I'll eat later. By the time we left it was late (they are also v strict about late arrivals)

And also stupidly because we don't visit often I actually forget how terrible the hunger is 😂😂

We drove past a McDonald's DH offered to stop but I stupidly said no not wanting to be late, with no plan on dealing with the hunger later.

Anyway I'm out now getting some food.

OP posts:
Nopenott0day · 02/12/2023 15:12

I offer anyone in our house food, even if we have workmen in I'll ask them if they want a snack. Yanbu.

Cosyblankets · 02/12/2023 15:11

What time are you there till?
2pm is after lunch so no i wouldn't expect to provide anything more than biscuits at that time.
You know you're breastfeeding
You know you'll be hungry
You know you didn't have breakfast
You know they don't eat

Viviennemary · 02/12/2023 15:09

You knew you were unlikely to be offered food. In which case why didn't you take a packed lunch for yourself. Or not bother even going. It is quite cheeky of them not to offer food though.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 02/12/2023 15:09

Reallybadidea · 02/12/2023 15:05

Of course YANBU but this is MN so people will fall over themselves to tell you that you're the problem.

And people will also berate op "but surely you ate for dinner last night? Can you really not manage 24hrs without food?, I had a large salad of 4 peashoots,half a cherry tomato and a cube of goats cheese on Tues and I'm still stuffed!''

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 15:08

I'd offer food, whatever but if a breastfeeding mother and toddler were visiting me, they would be offered many different options. Together with lots of filtered or bottled water for the breastfeeding mum.

I find it completely weird that an amount of fresh healthy snacks (and some naughty ones) would not be offered.

It's no matter what I want, these two categories of toddler and breastfeeding do not fall into normal
Mealtimes.

OP, you are correct, it's odd.

MrsNandortheRelentless · 02/12/2023 15:08

The moment I found out my ILs were batshit about food and eating I completely removed them from the situation.

I took complete control over our eating when with them.
Took packed lunches, bags of food shopping, things for us to eat when we eat etc.

When out, giving them the choice to come with us for lunch somewhere or we would meet them somewhere in an hour and a half if they didn’t.

Easy, done.
I’ve no time to be dancing on fucking egg shells when it came to eating.
Breast feeding and young kids need fuel, so I provided that fuel.

keye · 02/12/2023 15:07

SiennaMillar · 02/12/2023 14:59

YANBU. I went on hols with ILs. They eat breakfast at 8am and dinner at 10pm. NOTHING in between and no shops. I was dizzy with hunger! I had to steal stuff from the breakfast buffet to save for lunch

This is utterly batshit. Why did you not juts have lunch?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 02/12/2023 15:06

You ASK if they’re hungry ffs. I’d also assume someone breastfeeding needs at least a biscuit.

Cheepcheepcheep · 02/12/2023 15:06

My parents are fairly odd in that they eat brunch around 11.30 each day and then dinner at 8.30 and don’t really do anything in between. Blame their post retirement daily routine!

We have 2 young kids and therefore we’re a fairly fixed 3 meals a day type family - we often turn up at midday and they’re just finishing off their boiled eggs while I’m prepping our lunch 😂

We just bring our own food though, or mum buys things in for us if she remembers, but often it’s just easier for us to bring a meal deal each for us and a packed lunch for the kids.

This is less a ‘they’re weird for eating like that’ thing and more a ‘the vibe sounds horrible if you don’t feel you can just sort yourself out’ thing.

NChannnnge · 02/12/2023 15:05

I think they are rude. I only eat 1-2 meals a day and am quite careful about what I eat, but I still feed guests! Go and get something!

AllEars112232 · 02/12/2023 15:05

@Lizziebest That's exactly what I would do!

keye · 02/12/2023 15:05

Just read you also didn't eat breakfast. What bizarre behaviour. I think this is about personal responsibility and you should have eaten at least one do the meals normally eaten before 2pm before turning up at the house of someone who you know isn't going to feed you

Reallybadidea · 02/12/2023 15:05

Of course YANBU but this is MN so people will fall over themselves to tell you that you're the problem.

SutWytTi · 02/12/2023 15:05

Your ILs are obviously very unusual, and yes I think they should feed you, but I think you know the score so just take lots of food with you when you go.

isthismylifenow · 02/12/2023 15:05

If you knew there was likely not going to have food offered, why didn't you consider stopping off for something on the way.

But if it's dh parents house, just ask if he could make you a sandwich. I don't automatically offer food if someone visits out of a mealtime. It just wouldn't cross my mind that they would need one.

Biscuits etc yes, but not a meal.

RumJerrySailorRum · 02/12/2023 15:04

Wouldn't matter what time of day or if it was a planned visit or unplanned, you would always be offered food and drink in my House.

Just the way I am. I can't abide the thought of someone being unhappy or uncomfortable in my home.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 02/12/2023 15:04

Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:00

Yes sensible. I think I'll just go out and buy myself food. If I'm feeling confident enough I might just sit in living room and eat in front of everyone.

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Get a pizza delivered 👹

Original poster
Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:03

Loafordeath · 02/12/2023 14:55

I would feed guests who were there over a mealtime. I probably wouldn't think to offer food at 3pm to someone who arrived at 2pm.

I'd like to think this might be different for a breastfeeding mother but it's easy to forget what that's like. They sound weird.

I think I'm shocked because in my family anyone who arrives at anytime is offered something and it's considered bad manners if you don't.

Obviously it depends on the time of arrival e.g if arrived close to dinner a drink, nuts, crisps ordered.

After lunch maybe a coffee?

OP posts:
keye · 02/12/2023 15:03

Why did you not eat lunch before you arrived at 2? Just arrive at 2:15 year instead.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2023 15:01

This problem was caused entirely by you not eating breakfast or lunch before 2pm.

jackstini · 02/12/2023 15:00

I would have got something on the way - no chance would I ever have got to 2pm without eating when breastfeeding!

So yes, either go out or ask dh to make you something as you missed breakfast

Original poster
Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:00

AllEars112232 · 02/12/2023 14:57

Nothing rude about going out and buying your own food. Your know what their eating habits are, just take care of your own needs rather than expect them to change their routine.

Yes sensible. I think I'll just go out and buy myself food. If I'm feeling confident enough I might just sit in living room and eat in front of everyone.

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 02/12/2023 14:59

thedamnseason · 02/12/2023 14:56

If people were visiting me I'd at least have some cake or nice biscuits.

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We generally have biscuits in probably not 'nice' ones though, so I would possibly offer them. 🤷‍♀️