AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

@keye they are grown adults that understand that they've invited guests to their home? If I invite guests to my home, I make them welcome, I ask what their needs are requirements are. They won't be the same as mine, but they'll be accommodated, because they're a guest in my home.

Of course OP could've brought a meal, done a roast etc, do you think the ILs would welcome that?

Well they might consider that with a baby and a toddler things don't always go according to plan...and that women need more food when BFing.

I would offer something, always said, "Are you hungry/have you eaten? I can rustle you up a snack in no time", and give them soup, a sandwich, cheese and biscuits, fruit or whatever and a cup of tea or coffee. It does seem odd, rather inhospitable, but you know them of old and perhaps it would have been wise to have had a little bit of breakfast quickly and to take something for yourself to eat later.

Now I am oldish, I want to eat something every four hours unless I am asleep.

My in-laws were like this. My DH and I started bringing a bag of fruit, cheese, and bread “to add to the groceries for the weekend.” It didn’t feel as awkward to grab something that we’d brought with us l

@leilani83

I wasn't saying it's infantalising to offer food, I'm saying it is infantilising to suggest they are more responsible than OP for ensuring she eats.

2pm isn't a meal time though. How are they supposed to know that OP has had nothing at all to eat by that time?

OP, they may behave wierdly around food but so do you! You didn't think to eat anything at all before turning up at their house at 2pm, KNOWING they don't usually eat lunch? More fool you!

It's infantalising to suggest they should take over responsibility for OP eating.

I understand what you mean about caring but to absolve OP of all responsibility is utterly ridiculous.

She is a grown adult who made her choices

If you invite people over you should look after them - basic manners. Especially a BFing mother, nothing infantilising about that!

@keye its infantilising, its caring ...

They should be mortified that you're having to run around the high st looking for food - what a strange family!

Why do you think it is rude to suggest a breastfeeding mother is more responsible for eating her bloody breakfast/lunch than her DH or in laws?

She is a grown adult. The 'oh especially as you are breastfeeding' is infantilising.

I completely agree guests should be offered a biscuit or a meal if meal times but in this case you own behaviour sounds like you could do with thinking it theough a bit.

You plan to arrive at 2pm. After lunch.

You eat no breakfast
You eat no lunch
You think you'll just deal with being hungry rather than eat and somehow that's their fault?

And your husband even suggests you grab a burger. (Did he eat breakfast and lunch?)

What is going on here? Do you often miss meals? Honestly especially if breastfeeding I'd spend some time prioritising yourself and sorting out food as you've missed 2 meals here on your own time and not planned for being out the house all afternoon either. (Meant super kindly as I've had disordered eating for a long time. So in the spirit of please look after yourself. X)

I feed anyone and everyone who crosses my front door (if they want it of course). I only really eat 1-2 meals a day but I recognise standard mealtimes.
I’d presume if you arrived at 2 that you would have eaten but would still have made cake or something to offer for the afternoon.
Mean hosting is so unwelcoming!

I would if they had been travelling a while to get there as they'd have been driving through lunch time.

It's weird - you should bring a pack lunch with you for you and the kids or pop out to a cafe with them if they live in a town. You need to eat.

My brother and his wife also don't tend to feed people so I do this or tell them I'll leave after I eat lunch

Also v weird of your DH not to consider this!

He did.
He suggested getting a McD's on the way over, and the OP said no !

I hate this, sitting there starving. I feed everyone who visits, whatever the time I make something suitable, I would absolutely die if someone was sitting there hungry.

People are busy rushing around with young kids, sometimes there's not enough time to make food and eat before you leave to visit someone. You'd at least expect a biscuit and cuppa when visiting.

I have relatives like this, they'd invite us over and nothing... absolutely nothing offered, they'd delay their dinner so as not to feed you. We'd offer to buy takeaway etc but they don't eat "unhealthy food" like this, so when I use to visit them I'd stick bars of chocolate in the baby bag and eat them in the bathroom 😳, I'd pretend to be changing one of the kids nappies 🤣 it was just to take away the grumbling in my stomach. Now I just don't visit them.

But........ you KNOW their habits and you didn't eat any breakfast or lunch before going there!!!

This is your own fault I'm afraid.

YANBU to think it is odd / unusual to go without food from 7am - 6pm.

You are, however BU to blame them for the fact you
a) didn't have breakfast before you left
b)didn't have lunch before you left
c) didn't take food with you, knowing they wouldn't be feeding you
d) accept the opportunity to have a Maccies when your dh suggested you call in to the one you were passing
on your in laws.

If people were coming to me at 2.30, I wouldn't expect to give them a meal either, as it isn't mealtime, but you have the forewarning here that they don't even eat at mealtimes, so overall YABU

Of course you should feed your guests! We all know people who don't and I find it rude. However you do know your ILs so next time go prepared especially as your BFing! You need your strength!

Some people are so rude here!

You're not just some 'guest' but close family, plus they must know you're BFing! YANBU - they should def feed you, unbelievable that they don't!! Also v weird of your DH not to consider this!

I refuse to be shamed for needing to eat any more. I will go and get myself something if necessary.

Snap!

If I had guests arriving at 2pm from a long journey (which went over lunchtime) I'd check with them in advance if they were having lunch on the way of if they'd like something on arrival. But knowing that your inlaws don't seem to eat lunch you should have either brought something with you of grabbed something en route.

Can't you ask if there's a snack you can have as you're breastfeeding and need to eat? I can't believe there's nothing in their cupboards to eat. Mention you didn't have time for breakfast. They might be weird with their eating habits in your opinion but its even weirder not being able to speak up.