AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

I'd basically take a picnic with me

Stop trying to be be polite

There’s no circumstance in which I wouldn’t offer some kind of sustenance to someone who has travelled to see me. Literally none. Surely it’s how you show your appreciation of their effort? Mumsnet is so odd on this issue, in RL it’s basic a basic global rule of hospitality no matter how poor.

This, plus she turned down the offer to stop and get food on the way 🤣 I’m struggling to see that the in-laws have done anything wrong as it’s no different to what the OP should expect based on past experience. Therefore it’s on her to feed herself (which to be fair she has acknowledged already).

Unless you're explicitly inviting them for a meal I wouldn't usually think they would need to provide food.

Added to that, you know they eat very little and yet still expected feeding. Take your own sandwich.

Exactly this.

I remember taking secret oatcakes to my in-laws when I was breastfeeding as they served such small meals. I’d feed the baby while eating them.

I think some older people just have much smaller appetites. My in-laws are lovely (and do often offer cake and biscuits). I was just ravenous 😂

Love, you really need to take ownership over yourself. you know food is an issue at their home, so why aren’t you going prepared?

Yes, if you were invited to mine I’d have offered you something to eat, specially if it was pre planned, but I don’t think everyone does that.

I wasn’t a huge snacker before I had a baby and was breastfeeding, but now I am, and I always, always make sure I’ve eaten or have snacks for me and my toddler available. What everyone else does is t of my concern!

You have to be prepared. What if your car broke down and it was hours before help arrived?

I wouldn't expect to be fed at any time if I was going for a short visit. So if I was arriving at 2 and leaving at 5 I'd eat before I left and when we got back . If I was arriving at 2and staying overnight I'd assume there would be an evening meal

If one of my guests expresses hunger at any time of day or night in my house, I offer them food. I thought that was normal?

I either make them something, offer snacks, or if it's an overnight guest/someone I know well, I let them know where the bread/butter/cheese/salad/jam etc is so they can help themselves to tea and toast or a sandwich outside of meal times. I usually keep non-dairy substitutes in the cupboard too in case they're needed. I can't understand how a host would be okay with hungry guests!

If they were pregnant/breastfeeding/diabetic/had any particular need to eat regularly that I knew of, I'd make doubly sure to stock up in advance with snacks if I wasn't planning on cooking.

This way of thinking actually helps me keep a decent stock of easy to prepare food in the cupboards, which really helps ward off the temptation to get a takeaway when I'm really tired.

OP you are not being unreasonable by having normal human needs. Go get yourself some food, and don't worry about what your lax hosts think - they are aren't worrying about you!

I do think it's a bit strange that your husband doesn't offer to make you anything or mention to his parents that guests need feeding. I would have thought that he would feel comfortable enough to make food in their kitchen for you, esp knowing this is a repeat occurrence.

Do people here not remember what it was like with a baby (and a toddler too)?

Yes, which is why I know I wouldn't have left the house without eating in the first place, and that I would always have things like cereal bars in the pram bag, and that I wouldn't have turned down the offer of stopping off for food before arriving.

2pm is after lunch so no i wouldn't expect to provide anything more than biscuits at that time.
You know you're breastfeeding
You know you'll be hungry
You know you didn't have breakfast
You know they don't eat

Agree with this.
I'd not expect to be feeding people who arrive at 2pm unless they were staying for dinner. I'd have some biscuits to go with a cup of tea or coffee though.

This whole thing seems to boil down to "adult didn't eat properly and is annoyed different adults didn't think to feed her mid afternoon".

I do think that lots of this mad shit is a bit like the reverse of a fairy tale where if you say it out loud, the goblin appears. Once someone has been brave enough to name it, it loses all its power / just goes ‘pouf’.

@keye I would assume that anyone that's a guest in my home is given exactly what they need. Particularly a breastfeeding mother and a toddler.

To not even ask is in my opinion rude and unwelcoming.

This. You knew what to expect but you didn't eat anything, and didn't ask your dh to pack you something when he was making food for your toddler.

Do people here not remember what it was like with a baby (and a toddler too)?

So you didn’t bother to feed yourself but then get annoyed with them for not feeding you?

away from traditional mealtimes I wouldn’t expect to be fed.

I'm not suggesting OP should make a roast dinner? Where are you getting that from?

I'm saying OP is the most responsible out of everyone involved for her own eating.

She chose to skip breakfast, then lunch and turned down a McDonald's.

So while it would be nice for the in laws to offer something, at 2pm i would assume any grown adult, particularly a breastfeeding one, had eaten something

Arriving at 2 I wouldn't expect to provide a meal until 6.30/7 for guests but would provide a snack eg bake a cake. If people wanted lunch I'd expect them to be arriving around midday

We drove past a McDonald's DH offered to stop but I stupidly said no not wanting to be late, with no plan on dealing with the hunger later.

Not wanting to be late for what? It wasn't lunch, clearly, as you said they don't usually have it. So what were you worried about being late FOR?

My in laws are like this.
We usually go to a drive through on the way home!

Nein. The problem was caused by her selfish ILs inflicting their own disordered eating, in which food consumption seems to be inversely related to moral value, on others.

Just say it out loud @Lizziebest

‘right then, like most people I eat at lunchtime, and you’ll be aware that this is all the more important because what I eat affects the baby. We were travelling at lunchtime today. If there’s no food available , we’ll need to go out and get some - shall I go or can someone else?’

It's their home, it's their guests.

They are supposed to be entertaining?

What I find odd is that you can’t just ask to help yourself to some food. When I am staying with my parents I don’t even need to ask - I just eat whatever and whenever I want to (except obviously things set aside for a particular meal).