AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

My MIL always offers food and then gasps in horror if you eat it, along with comments like ‘I can’t believe you’re eating all that’ (‘all that’ will be e.g a sandwich or a sausage roll).
so I’m another who takes a giant bag of snacks to secretly eat in the bedroom!

This is unusual too, though, to me: I’d not expect to be asked exactly what I was going to give you for dinner, only any dietary requirements/allergies. (I wouldn’t mind being more specific if it eased your anxiety, not at all, but I would see that as a ‘you issue’ I’d be happy to work with to make you comfortable.)

God yeah. there was that other batshit thread where someone travelled with their dc for 3 hours to see family and wasn't offered a biscuit with their tea. And posters kept asking, 'what was the context?' 'had you discussed food before going to visit', etc etc. fgs

This thread has honestly been an eye opener for me, starting with the early poster who said they "might" offer "a" warmed mince pie. Just thinking about context. These are guests. Who they've invited. To their house. One of whom is BFing and has young children (ie expending huge amounts of energy and having a lot to do to get everyone packed up and in the car, which often means compromising on food). And they get nothing from the inlaws... And a few PPs say the same.

I didn't know people like this existed. Same as your family, OP, in mine, you put the kettle on as your guest comes and you always, always offer food. People can say no if they aren't hungry. At 2pm, I'd expect to offer things like biscuits, cake, and seasonal stuff like mince pies. I'd put a plate out.

Since you are BFing I'd also have asked do you want a massive cold drink and a big sandwich as well (even if you've just eaten lunch) because isn't it common sense to ppl who've had kids that when BFing you're thirsty and extra-hungry most of the time?

All this talk of people routinely not eating lunch and having set times for hot drinks, I feel like I've encountered aliens.

I genuinely think it’s odd that you have arrived at 2pm, having not eaten, and are moaning 52 minutes into your visit that you are starving and that it’s your IL’s fault. If you know they don’t serve lunch then why would you not eat before going? Or take something with you?

Neuro diversity aside, it’s a mark of basic kindness and a globally accepted social norm to offer someone who has travelled to see you a snack just in case they are hungry. They can always refuse and it doesn’t have to be fancy. Some toast, biscuits, crackers and cheese, that kind of thing.

The alternative means that you don’t care if your guests are physically uncomfortable in your house, which is pretty awful and the opposite of kindness/hospitality.

This is totally on you today OP. Who arrives at 2pm expecting to be given lunch? It’s not their fault you didn’t eat breakfast or lunch.

Then she should make sure she eats and not “forget” then blame others.

YADNBU breastfeeding mama needs to eat more than anyone else.

I'd always offer a cup of tea but I often meet up with people mid morning or after lunch and it would be odd to offer/be offered a meal then. Truly odd. Never have I experienced this!

It really is the OP with some disordered attitudes to eating here. Her husband sorted kids in the momring so she had time to eat.her husband offered to stop St maccyDs so she had time to eat. She has not eaten all day despite her husbands attempts. Why?!

Honestly going forwards prioritise mealtimes .

My in laws are like this. I eat secret food (and drink secret wine when we stay).

They have set times for hot drinks too and if you arrive at a time that is in-between the hot drink times then you have to wait to save boiling the kettle twice.

It's always interesting the cultural divide in this threads. I wouldn't think to offer guests food if I hadn't already known they were coming for food, especially as I don't know what they might want.
I'm autistic, so if I was going somewhere for food, I would want to know exactly what we were eating, and would bring my own otherwise. It's bizarre to me that people would just turn up with no idea what food they might have and just expect food.

@Lizziebest my dh would have just gone into his parent’s kitchen and found me a snack.
Although his db and dsil are a bit like your in-laws.
We once travelled nearly 4 hours on Boxing Day to a planned lunch at their home. As it was such a distance we didn’t even stop for a drink as we didn’t want to be late. At dbil’s my dh went into kitchen and asked if he could make himself and me a cup of tea.
No, was the answer, we’ve had a cup of tea but you can have a glass of water.
They also made us wait from mid morning until 6 pm to eat anything after picking us up from an airport ( we had taken our dn with our dd on holiday).

@isthismylifenow she’s a victim of their abnormal rudeness. She’s being blames for not diverting from her own normal behaviour (“no we’d best not stop because we’re late - I’ll just grab a snack at your folks”)in order to accommodate their bad behaviour.

So they will be feeding you? Supper.

So you were expecting lunch after lunch hours and are already disapproving of the supper they wil be offering you.

There is nothing odd with your PILs eating. Im not sure why posters are calling their eating disordered when it's the OP that seems to have the wacky eating.

I like a lunch but my husband rarely has one. I also wouldn't feed someone who arrived at 2. I

You say your husband is lovely but why doesn't he sort out some food.

"Depends on what time they invited you for"????? What utter rubbish is that?
You ALWAYS offer a guest something to eat and drink. ALWAYS!

@Lizziebest call over anytime!
It was always like that for me growing up. When I was a wee girl my mum would say ‘Run in and put on the kettle pet’ while she chatted to visitors and that was the cue for the tea. All my aunts and uncles did the same and as kids we loved it cos we knew there would be treats!

@Punkkitty
This is exactly my family (Scots/Irish ).
The absolute shaming we would have to endure for not feeding and offering a drop to visitors would be monumental.
I even have breakfast or sandwiches etc prepared and ready for delivery men beginning items .. E.g new washing machine etc .
It’s simply what we do !

Exactly the same in my home and my relations. You would be shamed if no food was offered. Food will just appear.

I would always offer to food to anybody who had travelled to visit us. Always. It's good manners. In my family it would be completely normal to ask somebody if they'd like something to eat. So I think it's weird and I'd go and get loads of lovely nibbles and eat them all for yourself.

There is no victim or blaming going on.

OP is an adult who didn't eat even when offered. How is she a 'victim' here ?

As I said op, they equate consumption with moral laxity.

the whispers are absolutely awful - and your DH should absolutely tackle it out loud. He needs to tell them that it’s them that have disordered eating and are ignoring social norms, and they are not to punish his wife for being completely and utterly normal. Don’t let him attach it to breastfeeding - that make is more insane, for sure, but it would still be awful if you weren’t.

I really hate this punishment of women - because it always does seem to be women who are bullied by people like this for having bodies.

Yes, OP, you need to update the thread later and tell us what is offered for dinner!

How long are you staying for?

I assumed it was just a day visit but needing two bags of snacks for a few hours seems extreme!