AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

I agree, if I had guests arriving at 2pm and they'd travelled any distance, then I would know they'd travelled over lunchtime and probably wouldn't have eaten, and would check

People are making up their own narrative here.
OP might live 10 mins from her in-laws.
I'm pretty sure if she lived 2 or 3 hours away, she would have mentioned that.

It still doesn't negate the fact that she knows there won't be food there before the evening meal, and she still chose to turn up at the house, not having eaten anything that day despite all the options she had.

Wouldn't matter what time of day or if it was a planned visit or unplanned, you would always be offered food and drink in my House

Mine also. No one would ever go home hungry, thirsty or feeling as If they weren’t worth something to eat.

I always offer something to guests, a meal (no matter the time of day) or a snack of some kind if they don’t want a full meal. I think it’s partly cultural (Jewish), feeding people is so deeply ingrained in the culture. Not because it’s “good manners” but because it’s an expression of hospitality and care.

Since you know about your in-laws’ habits, it really is your responsibility to fend for yourself. I’m glad you have fortified yourself with a panini, banana, etc. but I’m shocked you ate them in the street! 😲 (Just kidding about that, in previous generations eating in the street was considered the height of bad manners. A silly rule that I hope has been abandoned by most.)

Can't you take food with you and just make it there?

If I had family visiting I would have assumed they would eat something while there and would have something in regardless of whether I was eating or not or what time it was.

I don’t eat breakfast but I appreciate everyone else does. If someone was breastfeeding especially I would have made sure I checked to make sure I had in something she would want. I think thats just being hospitable.

Op has explained that her MIL doesn't want her in the kitchen: even offers to refill water bottle for her so that OP doesn't go into the kitchen. And OP's parents are hot on punctuality and stopping at MDs would have made them late.

OP, you say your husband is amazing, but why didn't he, seeing how busy you were getting the children together to go on the visit, make some sandwiches for you in the car? So many people here blaming you for not looking after yourself, but who's looking after you?

I'd hate for any family member to sit in my house starving! Every visitor is offered tea/coffee/biscuits. Family members and friends are thankfully comfortable enough to either help themselves to anything or mention they're hungry and we'll always make a sandwich/toastie or bring a meal forward if they're staying for it.

Do they eat garlic? Where are mirrors placed in their household?

Why are people on mumsnet so uncomfortable at their friends and families homes. Can't you just go make yourself a sandwich or something

Always! I make or buy something special for guests, no matter the time of day. It's called being hospitable. I wonder if your in-laws have trouble affording groceries? If not their eating habits do sound strange. If I'm hungry while out I will eat my kids' leftover snacks! It's easy to forget to eat when you're taking care of young children.

I think they are being very inhospitable. They can eat whatever they like but you are an invited guest. They know don't fast 11 hours during the day. They should have had food for you.

What’s with the secret eating on this thread when you’re at the in laws houses? DH and I eat a lot in the morning and don’t normally have anything until 6pm earliest but we don’t expect visitors to do the same. We must be odd as when our children/their partners arrive I’ve always made food so it’s there if they want it. It doesn’t take much to rustle up a sandwich and make a pot of soup. I’d be mortified if anyone was having to hide snacks or food for fear of being judged for eating in front of us.

I was going to post the same question. We've been to friends houses for drinks but it's been just that, not even a sniff of crisps or nuts. If we ever have people over for drinks, I always offer. little spread of something, I think it's weird not to.

I'm shocked, too, on your behalf. Even if I knew you'd had lunch before coming over I'd offer you tea/ coffee and cake or biscuits — I mean, you're a valued guest in my house and it's my job as host to make sure you are comfortable, not your job to fit in with my bonkers non-eating regime.

This is what hospitality is about, surely? As soon as anyone enters my home, gets their coat off and settles down, the first question after the lovely-to-see-you stuff is 'Now, would you like a drink? Have you had lunch? I can make you a sandwich or toast or there's cake/ biscuits...'

Your in-laws clearly have issues around food anyway but were they brought up by wolves? This is not how you treat guests. Yesterday it was toddlers being starved all afternoon, now it's you who's breastfeeding. I'm stunned.

Next time they invite you over, I'd make up a full roast dinner with all the trimmings in microwaveable containers and ask to heat it up in the microwave, Then pull out plates and cutlery and dish it all up and eat it.

only half kidding ....

i can't imagine not giving guests food if I'dinvited them for a visit, commensurate for the time of day, but then again there are some bloody weird people I read about on here who are either tight as a duck's proverbial or lacking in the most basic of social skills (or both).

Well done.

No lie. If you are breastfeeding then feeding yourself is part of feeding your baby.

These differences in household schedules, hospitality etiquette, and unspoken household rules are often the source of difficulties in relationships.

For instance, guests never wash up in my house. But that was the norm in Lovely Man's house - the guests washed up as a thankyou. As I am not the most aware of people, it might take me some time to realise that I had transgressed some rule that was simply taken for granted. (I usually did eventually, and usually sorted it!)

Add in the fact that the other household is that of your in-laws, and I would agree that never going unprepared on a visit is the best way of tackling this. I suppose at least there is a kind of unspoken shared assumption that those who set the rules for their household are the ones who should say what goes.

The problem is when the household rules do not include varying mealtimes, or offering food to hungry visitors.

Should say food weirdness

What is all this good weirdness?
If someone was visiting me, I'd have food for them depending on the times.
It's usual to skip a meal due to lack of time when you're rushing to go somewhere so I'd always check if they were hungry at 2pm.
I'd actually ask and say "have you had lunch?"

If not, then I'd give them something.

Definitely weird. I’m always thinking about the next meal.

There is no way when I was BF'ing I'd have been able to forgo breakfast or leave the house for the afternoon without snacks. Especially not when I was visiting people who don't feed me. I'd have packed a bag full of HobNobs and Kettle Chips (my BF'ing faves!)

I know it's tough with a toddler and a baby but how can you miss two meals? 😕

Glad you've eaten now.

Always tea, coffee and soft drinks on offer here 24/7. But if I invited guests for 2pm I wouldn't be serving lunch, nor would I be expecting any if I was invited somewhere at that time. I would see that as a time deliberately chosen so as not to include lunch, sorry.

What I actually think is much odder is being expected to adhere to some strict arrival time when you have a baby and a toddler to manage and there are no particular time-dependent plans anyway. Bollocks to that.

If you arrive at 2, expecting lunch, that’s really unusual in most households.
They do seem to have a pattern for being inhospitable to guests but not offering lunch for a 2pm visit is probably quite normal!

How long are you staying? If overnight I can understand the groceries, but if only a day visit I would find it bizarre if a guest needed to go out for a food shop just after arriving.

You were invited for after lunch time (in most places), and will be getting dinner (even if inadequate by your standards), so there should be no need for a whole song and dance about buying food. I get that you are hungry, but that is on you, not them.
I always have biscuits etc and would offer food if people happened to come over during a mealtime/are invited for a meal. If I specifically invite someone for 2pm/8pm without saying it is for a meal and they arrive starving I would not be impressed.

I agree.

If I knew I was visiting food-withholding weirdos I would pack a hamper, but I would always offer someone food if they had travelled. Even people from round the corner get offered biscuits etc.