Disagreement with husband over money

If it’s your parents house change the locks next time he leaves… Bag up his stuff … Do your parents know what is happening?

Change the wifi password

Most importantly tell him to get out and you want a divorce , put a CMS claim in the next day… And 100% do the freedom program or get counseling as you need help setting boundaries and expectations

So he happily pays for his first child but pays nothing towards the ones he’s had with you?

what an absolute arsehole. At least when you get divorced you’ll get maintenance payments.

Until she does something firm and meaningful, he will continue to walk all over the OP and she will let him.
He should be tossed to the curb at first light, protect any and all money in the "joint account", have the locks changed and ask your parents to write a new contract for a lease if AHDH is on the lease. File for CMS first thing Monday.

I hope the OP is not all talk and then let him gaslight her. He is truly a horrible human being and quite manipulative.

Oh yes? Make bloody sure he doesn't eat then. What a bastard.

His earlier flounce was just a manipulation tactic. Look out for more of these. Don't doubt yourself, you are being completely reasonable and up til now you've been overly generous. Get yourself a few stock phrases - e.g. 'I disagree', 'no reasonable person would see it like that", 'you should do what you feel is right' (if he threatens leaving etc). Do not waiver. Find your anger at his completely taking advantage of you and well done for nipping it in the bud. The best time to do this was way back when, but the next best time to do this is right now.

Nothing would make my vagine drier than someone constantly sponging off me.

Why on Earth have you let him get away with paying just £300 a month when you are paying £1400? Why doesn't he pay for food or the children? Something is very wrong here,

As soon as DH and I had a house then children together we merged our finances. Everything goes in and out from our joint account but we each get the same amount of spending money in personal accounts.. it sounds like your DH is happy for you to pay for everything while he squirrels his money away somewhere. Unacceptable.

He came back himself because you didn't beg him to come back. So he realised his manipulation hadn't worked. He's playing games with you. He's not a good man.

It's late now. Get some sleep, then tomorrow, make it clear that it's over (if that's what you've decided), then tell him to pack his belongings and go. File the CMS claim first thing on Monday (unless you can do it online, then do it tomorrow!).

Has this thread helped you in any way? Do you believe you see his actions a bit clearer?

You need to tell him to leave. Find your voice. Don't try to reason or negotiate. He's proved again that you can't trust his word because he didn't even stay buggered off when he said he would.

This was probably his plan.

He sounds like a very selfish person who obviously is not committed to this marriage.

Stay strong OP.
He’s shown you what he thinks of you.

Well, this went downhill fast. I'm sure it feels terrible now but your entire life could have been like this.

Don’t buy a house with him omg ! If he really loves you , wouldn’t he take the burden off you and try and pay as much as possible ? He should want to see you happy and help in anyway he can , but it seems that he could but he doesn’t want to ! So that tells you something !

Selfish and ignorant are not particularly desirable traits.

Sorry - just read your update. I’m glad to hear it - but he will come back, with a pile of promises and guilt trips… work out what you want and stick to your guns. You’ll get more than 0 from CMS!

I’m really, really sorry OP, and I realise you probably don’t want to and won’t be able to hear this right now, but the same thing he just happened to you again.

Read Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? (Read discreetly, download on kindle or Apple Books app). This will help you disentangle the feelings he is trying to ‘make’ you have from your actual feelings and give you a better sense in general of whether YABU. My guess is that you’re going to find you’re not being unreasonable and that he is, in fact, abusive. This is not your fault - it often comes to light after a baby and it’s easy to be fooled by a plausible liar, how could you not be? You didn’t have all the relevant information.

Echo PP’s - do NOT buy a house with him unless you want to be trapped in the inequality of this relationship forever. Hope you only have one child - don’t get pregnant again until this is all sorted out.

If you aren’t able to consider this possibility now then I hope you’ll bank the information and hopefully it will help you in future when you are ready.

good luck 💐

Because he is domestically abusive his approach now will be to gaslight you in to believing you are in the wrong, and to manipulate you in to doing what he wants. He will be playing the victim card hard. In this instance what he wants is for you to continue to fund yourself and your child so he can live his best life with very minimal outgoings. You must ignore what he says and keep returning to the facts. Write a “reality list” of them on your phone and each time he gets in your head re read it, even if you’re reading it 100 times a day. For example - Fact 1 - he hasn’t ever contributed to the cost of feeding our child. Also take a look at this image and make a note of how else he might be abusing you.

It's a relief that he's burnt his bridges with you.

Him calling you tight is classic DARVO. Prick!

I cross posted with you Op, I'm glad you've seen the light. Saying you've become tighter and money focussed is just his way of saying he's realised his free ride is over.

I’m glad you found this out before buying a house with this deadbeat. Definitely put in a CMS claim ASAP - it cant be backdated so don’t waste any time talking to him first, you know he will pay nothing voluntarily.

Thank your lucky stars he has moved out. Hold your head up high and change the locks. You are so much better than this scenario.