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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he was waiting for this?

29 replies

PrancersDancer · 30/11/2023 23:41

So, h and I have been been having marital problems for a while. Sleeping in separate rooms. Had previously discussed separation early last year due to an emotional affair I discovered he’d had. He said he’d leave and said neither of us were happy but at the time he couldn’t afford to rent or buy a place.
We carried on living in the same house on the understanding that he would leave as soon as he could afford to. At first I really struggled with it, but as time went on I stopped hating him as much and we plodded on ok.
since then I think he’s just decided that he’s happy as things are and has made no attempt to leave and any further discussion I have attempted to make just got ignored or a ‘I’m trying’ response.

We’re now almost 18 months on, he’s got a new job, making decent money. (Although he won’t disclose how much). After several conversations of asking him to contribute to the household expenses he decided £100 a week was all he could afford. That has been hit and miss, not had anything from him in nearly 3 weeks. Every time I’ve reminded him, he’s pulled his face and said he forgets. I told him to set up a standing order but he hasn’t. Every time he’s missed a week that’s it, I don’t get it, I just get the next one. He doesn’t pay what he’s missed. He knows I earn enough to cover the bills but that’s not the point, once they’re paid, I don’t have loads left over for myself. His money is all his at the moment, he says ‘but we’re not together’ I say ‘but you’re still living under this fucking roof’ 😡

Just one more thing, last week he was acting really suspiciously with his phone, looked like he was txting/messaging or something and had a stupid grin on his face. I commented and he said he was emailing work?? Anyway he’s avoided getting his phone out as much since.
So, tonight, I’d just really had enough, he brought his washing down threw it in the washer then into the dryer and pulled the washing that was already in there out and dumped it in the basket. So I asked if he he could sort out somewhere to go as soon as possible.
and the bastard said yes!! No argument, no question. I feel the the cheeky fooker as been bleeding me dry, using me and the house like a frigin hotel. Yes I’m glad he’s finally going to go but I’m livid that I think he’s manipulated me into this so he can blame me instead of having the balls to just leave 🤬
Sorry to vent, I don’t have any friends to moan to 😥

OP posts:
PrancersDancer · 01/12/2023 16:38

For some reason I just can’t stay mad, I think it’s probably because it’s been over for a while and there’s a lot gone on. When he’s not in the house I’m happier. It’s when he’s home from work I start to feel the anger and resentment at him being here build.
he doesn’t do anything around the house at all, that’s not really new, he’s always been pretty lazy and will happily sit around and let others do it.

He hasn’t always been this way, he’s changed over the yrs and has got lazier, more selfish, secretive and shittier as a person. It’s been on ongoing thing, not just a sudden change but it’s taken me a while to see the red flags and the EA opened my eyes and made see how he’s been.

He generally makes me miserable when he’s around and I work from home, I have no friends so I think I’m at fault for trying to hold on to something for too long in the hope that he would change back to the man I met.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment x

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 01/12/2023 07:22

Sounds like he’s been planning it all along. And using the electricity/gas/water that you’re paying for.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/11/2023 23:47

Work out what he has not paid and add it to what you want in the financial agreement.
Do not let him walk away without paying for his share of living costs.
Never let a man treat you like this again, remember this anger so you don't get fucked over again.

Doggymummar · 30/11/2023 23:43

Good riddance